[MomInAL]

OK, I was told this story today and to me this is just totally wrong, but I'd like to see any other viewpoints.

Boy is 10 years old and hates to read, so foster mom "makes" him read 1/2 hour a day - any book of his choice - first thing in the morning.

Friday he refused to read, so "punishment" was to do 1/2 hour of yard work instead. Went outside and he refused to do yard work - so she made him stay outside for the entire day (mind you it's in the high 80's around here now) while she sat in on the sceened in porch to watch him.

Any thoughts?

[tlc4kidz]

Sounds borderline abusive to me. My 13 y.o. bio-son also HATES to read....it is almost painful for him to sit and concentrate for 30 second....FORGET 30 minutes. We are still digging into the possibilities of dyslexia and other processing disorders. He has been diagnosed with ADHD.

Nothing like a little hard labor to foster a love of reading, huh ? ....*sarcastically spoken*.

[wannabeamommy]

This sounds less like "punishment for not reading" and more like drawing some boundaries very clearly to me. I think the punishment was probably more for the defiance than for actually not reading. When I was younger and there was a rule if I broke it or disobeyed I was punished. It sounds like she gave him a choice... do your reading or do yard work for equivalent time. He chose not too and therefor had to stay outside. It sounds as if he was supervised from the porch the whole time. 80 degrees is hot yes but not dangerous if he was being supervised.

I am sorry but this does NOT sound abusive to me. It sounds like the foster mother was trying to set a precedent of who sets the rules and who is in charge. I think more parents should do that I see too many families that are ruled and run by the kids because the parents are too afraid to be tough and be the parent.

I do think that the boy should be tested for and get help for any learning disabilities or difficulties reading he may have.

I was a kid once and I hated having to read. Most kids, disabilities or not, would rather play that read... I am very grateful that my family had a manditory reading hour every day. I hated it then, but my love of reading and books today is a sure result of that habit of reading being instilled in me a s a child.

[Lorraine123]

I agree that it does not sound like abuse. It sounds like consequences. When my daughter goofs off while doing homework we have her walk up and down the driveway 10 times (we tell her she needs fresh oxygen to her brain so she can concentrate). She sometimes does this many times a night.

You don't know if this boy has attachment issues. If he does then he will control his parents. They need to establish control. Sometimes we parents have to be extreme. But the child needs to realize that a parent can be in control and he will still be ok.

[rindava]

outside all day in the summer and I have know many people who make their children stay outside a great part of the day......

actually most kids are required to read 20-30 min. a day for the school system here and they recommend it for all summer also.....so that wasn't unreasonable.....

if he didn't have a skin condition and had plenty of water to drink, it really wasn't such a bad thing

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Hmmm.. I dont think that I would make the consequence of not reading be hard labor... but it doesnt sound like abuse.

Then again 10 years old.. well, if he doesnt learn to read.. then all he will be able to do with his life is hard labor... so I suppose it could be concieved as a natural consequence.... and if you dont read or do that hard labor you wind up homeless... hense staying outside.

Yes, I can put it all together... Now if he were sleeping on the porch, sunburned, starving, etc.. then yes abuse... but at 10... I dont think this is
abusive... I would probably be taken aback if the child were younger though...

[leaabc123]

Not abusive but sounds like there may be some control issues there. As long as the kid was getting water, nutrition, and wasn't sunburned then okay.

Not sure if that is going to make the child want to read though. Was she reading on the porch? Do the adults model poositive reading behaviors?

Has the child been able to pick out books that have interesting topics to him. Perhaps, she could have read out loud while he had to listen.

[tlc4kidz]

Okay, maybe I was a little overboard with saying borderline abusive, BUT I still don't think negative consequences will work with a child who hates to read. What about giving an extra privelege for completing an entire week of reading 30 minutes a day.

I have to tell you, not only was I the strong-willed child, but I also am parenting one, and we would dig in our heels deeper if made to do something like this......however, if someone were to make us believe it was our idea......

I think kids need structure and discipline and have to learn that sometimes we have to do things we don't like. Reading is WAY too important to be FORCED to do. Wannabeamommy....I think it's great that it worked for you. In my world my parents made me take piano because they thought music would be good for me (and they spent a fortune on one for my sister). I was forced to practice 30 minutes a day. As soon as I was old enough I quit piano, bought a drum set, and drove them nuts for the rest of my days at home.

I'm a reader, married an english teacher, spent hours upon hours reading to my oldest. Did the whole library summer reading program, Pizza Hut awards thing, you name it. He STILL hates reading. He's an awesome soccer player and can tell you the statistics of every pro athlete down to what their favorite food is. He dreams of being a photographer and living in his car on the beach somewhere. He's got one of those grins that makes your heart (and every other teenage girl's ) melt. He loves God and isn't afraid to say so. So, I guess my point is that you can still have a great kid and not be a drill sargeant parent. Yes, these kids in the system need more structure than most. They also need more love and understanding.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I think I would have taken either of those two routes, too. Read alloud... and then say.. if you want to know what happens next then....

Or add a reward. It would be fun to read a book and then go watch the movie for that book....

[Lorraine123]

I still think we don't know all of the facts of this child. I believe that if he does have attachment issues (not saying he does, just if), then this is an effective consequence. Read some of Nancy Thomas' books. She is a great mother of RAD children. She advocates labor and hard work as a consequence for kids trying to control parents. That is what I based my response on.

Yes, sometimes parents of children with attachment issues do have to be drill sargeants. Otherwise the children will not give their parents any control at all. Of course we do all that with love, but outsiders tend to only see the dictatorship that we parent with.

Many times we give these types of consequences to change the controlling behavior, not the behavior that everyone sees. I mean, maybe the yard work wasn't to cause him to read, but to teach him that he can give over control to an adult and still be fine. For children with control issues, it is more important that they learn to trust and there is no other way to teach them. The children must be forced to give control to an adult and then see for themselves that its ok.

It sounds like this child has control problems and these problems need to addressed while the child is young. He must learn to trust, that lesson is so important.

Please don't condemn this mother until you know all the facts. I have been in her shoes and have been condemned by others, all the while trying to teach my daughter the most important lesson in life - how to trust a parent. Without that, she will never trust a friend, a sibling, or a spouse. It hurts to be looked at as an abusive parent when you are dealing with such a difficult child and others haven't. These children can't be dealt with like "normal" children.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Absolutely! So hard labor for the control issue.. makes sense... but.. then the reading thing still needs to be dealt with. Im with ya! Just make sure he knows that he is facing consequences for defiance and not for not reading.....

[jackiesbooks]

Some kids are never going to love reading. My one son loves it the other HATES it. I would reward not punishment, but it is not abusive. Isn't it funny that kids today do not go outside all day anymore. Me and my cousins were outside all day until the street lamps came on!

[leaabc123]

Abuse is when a child is sent outside and locked out of the house, not allowed back in to get a drink of water or to use the bathroom for the entire day because "it is a nice day outside and you are running in and out too much".

This child was forced to pee outside or if they were lucky, at a friend's house. This child would get so thristy on hot days that, they would drink from puddles in the street if the water hydrants weren't opened.

True story from many years ago.

[MomInAL]

Wow! Thanks for all the insight!

I agree that we don't know the whole situation, and I don't really have access to any more details. I know I have two bio daughters 17 and 15 - one loved to read, the other hated it. With the one who hated it, we used to read a chapter every night together before going to bed - Little House on the Prairie series, etc. And soon she learned to "like" reading (not love, mind you!). At 15, she finally does actually read just for enjoyment sometimes - although not as much as her sister.

I guess I would just have dealt with the reading issue differently. I don't really see any problem with the yard work or being outside all day - that's normal around my house anyway!

MomInAL

[jgalt]

I've thought quite abit about this post. Glad to see everyone is still cordial despite the very different approaches to discipline. I like the idea of positive rewards. But I also find negative rewards for negative behavior has it's place too (losing priviledges et al).

As far as the particular punishment goes I think it is logical. In life we can have office jobs or outdoor jobs. Nothing wrong with either. He can read or do yard work. Or if he chooses not to work, he ends up homeless. That's sounds like life to me.

And would you believe I can say that, but in class when I took the what kind of parent are you, I actually scored permissive?