[wendyp]

Hi everyone,
I have never done this before so I hope I'm getting this out there to someone that can help. My husband & I are parents of 3 girls: 1 bio 12 yo, adopted 4 yo & 3 yo. The 3 yo (in our home since birth) is the special needs child due to prenatal cocaine & marijuana & who knows what else. She is in special ed preschool where she gets Speech, PT & OT. She has an angel personality in school and just the opposite at home. She hits, kicks, spits, throws tantrums and has alot of trouble sleeping. She has always been a restless & light sleeper but I guess we were hoping she would outgrow it. Well, I have three years worth of bags under my eyes to show she hasn't! We have tried early to bed, late to bed, in our bed, nap, no nap, lots of exercise, and we are all still tired. I have an appointment this week with a therapist & psychiatrist. Anyone out there been through this? Please help! Thanks... Wendy

[Tigger]

Hi Wendy. More like going through it too, not been through it. We have a three year old daughter with special needs also. She was born with many things, but rather than list all the technical names for everything I'll put it in layman's terms and tell you she's missing about 1/2 of her brain. I can give you much empathy, but no advice since we haven't figured out a way around her issues yet. Allie is an angel, but she is just starting to get into the temper tantrums. She's three, but mentally she is about 9 months old. I have no idea what will work as there isn't much we can do with her "age" level. As for the sleeping, I can give you empathy there too. Allie came when she was 9 months old, and we haven't slept through the night yet, lol. She is missing part of her sleep center in her brain and can't regulate her own sleep. We've tried it all too, and nothing works. Anything the doctors have given us to help her sleep will actually wake her up more. Something to do with the way her body processes medicine. She generally wakes up between 11:00 pm and 12:00 am every night, and stays up till about 5:00 am then sleeps till about 9:00 am. Since she plays in her crib we just leave her there, but I can't sleep well when she's awake. The mommy thing of always having one ear open at night to be sure she's not in trouble. All of my kids are close to yours, lol. We have a 10 year old girl, a 4 year old boy, and a 3 year old girl. I wish I could give you the magical solution, but I'll be checking back on this thread to see if anyone else can give it to both of us. This is completely off the subject, but I just have to add it. Allie was predicted to spend her life as a vegetable. She's currently learning how to walk Good luck, and I hope someone has some advice that can help us both.

[po]

I don't know if this will help, but we have a 7 year old FD. Mom is alcoholic and in jail now. She is very active. An hour after she would go to bed, she would wake up crying hysterically. She was not really awake and the only thing she would respond to was a very firm voice. Day time she was happy, bubbly, very active. School could not keep her focused. Was on adderal which I thought made her worse. When it was increased she was really worse and we got the rebound effect at home. Agency had a med eval from a physicrist. Diagnoses was bipolar. Zyprexa has really helped. That is all she takes. Sleeps all night. No more nightmares, good behavior reports from school. It lasts about 23 hours. I knew nothing of how bipolar affects kids. It even affects babies I found out. It sounds somewhat like cycling. I did not know about that either. She was on her highs in the daytime and lows at night. It can occur at anytime in people that is just how hers was. It can also happen several times a day. Good luck

[wendyp]

Thank you to Tigger & po (aww isn't that cute) for responding to my call for help. It helps to know I'm not alone. I hope that I have some luck with the appts. I have next week because the pediatrician and the school both think my child is "normal". I cringe at the thought of a bipolar diagnosis because my family has been thru hell with two of my siblings that have it, but at the same time the thought of a few(or more) full nights sleep sounds WONDERFUL! I look foward to talking with you more. Wendy

[louise]

some suggestions....

trade off with your other half, ear plugs for nights you are not on.

Benedryl once in a while.

I think the above suggestions are great....take your time,don't rush to any conclusions.

It will get better as she gets older. She will learn to manage her sleep needs at some point.

[Jerry]

I think your best resource will be the professionals you're meeting with this week. Have you tried rocking, or cuddling. Not knowing it's just a suggestion. The last little guy we had would wake up screaming and it took some time to calm him down. I could've been something as simple as him missing his mother. We don't know what the cause was, but we do understand what you're going through.
I hope you can find some help this week.

[Mom_Of_Many]

Sounds a lot like our 9 year old. His birthmother was also a cocaine user and he is diagnosed with early onset bipolar. Before you rush to the conclusion that his is RAD and needs Nancy Thomas parenting,e tc. I'd take him to a good child psychiatrist and have him evaluated for a psychiatric disorder (I was told by one psychiatrist that bipolar adults like to self-medicate with cocaine more than any other drug). It is a red flag for early bipolar disorder and her behavior is also like bipolar. Without ruling out psychiatric disorders first, you may be in for years of attachment therapy that is not appropriate. I'm sure that a lot of people in our special needs support group thought my then 2 year old was RAD because he banged his head against the wall, bit himself, kicked, spit, etc., but now he is 9, on bipolar meds, and stable and a very loving little guy he is, very quick to cuddle and hug and very bonded to us. Another thing: There could be multiple stuff going on including bipolar AND FAE and maybe some attachment too. Our son may also have fetal alcohol effects. I always recommend that a child who is behaving oddly see a child psychiatrist (with a good rep) first off. It is much easier to treat bipolar, for example, than RAD or FAE (which is organic brain damage). I'm not saying this is what your child has, but I do think it's smart to rule out psycahitric disorders that are treatable before jumping into therapy for other things. One thing at a time. A good book to read is "The Bipolar Child" by Dimitri and Janice Papalos. Bipolar is highly genetic. Check out the family background for psychiatric disorders first. We are still sorting out all the stuff that Lucas has, but we are glad we at least have a handle on his moodswings and are very happy he doesn't rage or bang his head or spit, etc. at all now. Take care

[dadfor2]

wow, my heart goes out to all of you, we also adopted special needs. we havnt had him for long, but getting him to sleep or do anything we wanted, he ended up in a full tantrum.

It was so diffulcult to hear him in his room at bedtime, crying hysterical, alone in his room (he was safe) and we only did that because the therapist kept informing us, dont let him run the house.

Basically, we had a rountine, it took alot of work to figure it out, and alot of sleepless nights, but once we figured it out, we had to keep to what our plan was, as diffulcult as it was.

as of today, he has a rountine, the rountine takes about 45 minutes long after his bath....he eats dinner, then hids in the linen closet and pretends hes a towel, i pick him up and he hides his face, i get him in the bathroom, and pending what color shirt hes wearing, ill say as i pull the shirt off "heres a blue towel, ohhh, its dirty, then comes the pants, then he says "surprise, its me!" then he takes his underwear off and socks, and throws his socks in the tube as i try to get them, (of course i miss) then he laughs....then he gets in the tube, I wash him up, then plays a little bit, then out he goes, brushes his teeth, then picks two stories...first one in the living room, where Ill read to him, then after the story, i say "tuck yourself in" thats his cue to hid....(he hids in the same spot) then i fill his water glass ahead of time (he has used "im thirsty" for more attention, so i have it ready for him when he gets in bed....then i find him in his hiding place, then we do camping, lights are out, i take the flashlight and start to read another story while he is in bed, then he says "im thirsty" then i give him the water glass, then he tucks himself in and i continue to read the story by flashlight, then i hug him and tell him i love him, then i sing to him.....(you should hear the songs i sing, i have to keep going and going, and i dont have a pretty voice, but he likes it....lol........then he falls asleep........if I leave before he falls asleep, were looking at another two hours of tantruming, so i have to make sure he is fully asleep then i tell myself, stay for another 5 minutes to make sure.

sounds exhausting huh? but you know what, it beat the tantrums for hours and hours....im not saying that this rountine is the one to use, but somewhere we had to look at what did work and what didnt, and figure it all out, and no matter what, once we had, we had to keep doing the routine over and over, mind you, sometimes it doesnt work, but we have to stick to it even when he starts the testing again. He needs to feel safe. The time between night time tantrums are getting less and less and we actually went for two weeks straight with no tantrum. Oh, everything is actually done the same time, its 8:00pm for bed time, then 8:00 is bedtime and we stick with it..........

After reading the replys, my heart really goes out to you all, I thought we were having it really tough. This is going to sound awful what i am about to say, but the pavlov dog theory seems to work. Basically, if you do this, then this happens, and keep doing it the same thing over and over again, and under no circumstances change it.....they do eventually get it, they just need to be assured that things are consitant to feel safe..........two step foward, 1 step back...as long as were moving in the right direction, i feel it will all work out
dadfor2

[tralynrn]

Your child sounds like mine!!! We got her straight from the hospital at 2months. She is a 5 year old handful who is loving to little kids and at school but watch out once she is home!! She is delayed, possible FAE, possible Bipolar, ADHD, and has some pretty intense sensory integration problems(which many children have). My husband and I raised 3 boys (who are doing great in life) and thought we were great parents. I'm a RN with pediatric and child psych background. Nothing prepared me/us for our little one. Just when we think something is working on helping her-it stops etc. I went from feeling I was a great mom to wondering if I know anything. Well the one thing I know is THANK GOD for Meds-for her and me!!! Good luck- You aren't alone! Tralyn

[suzandchuck]

WENDY,

HI! I AM NEW TO THIS SIGHT SO THIS IS MY FIRST RESPONSE. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE ADOPTED A GIRL THAT IS DRUG AND ALCOHOL EFFECTED. SHE TSTED POSITIVE FOR METH WHEN SHE WAS BORN. THE FIRST 16 MONTHS WERE GREAT AND THEN HER BODY MUST OF WOKE UP BECSAUSE SINCE THEN SHE HAS BEEN ON THE GO. SHE IS NOW 6 YEARS OLD. WE HAVE TRIED MANY MEDICATIONS AND ARE PRESENTLY ON DEPACOTE AND CLONIDINE. CLONIDINE SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY THING THAT WILL HELP HER GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. BELIEVE ME WE HAVE TRIED A LOT OF MEDS!!! YOU MIGHT LOOK INTO SEEING ABOUT GETTING HER ON SOME MEDS TO HELP HER ACTIVITY LEVEL AND THE CLONIDINE FOR NIGHT. WITHOUT THAT SHE WOULD NEVER SLEEP AND EITHER WOULD WE!!! HOPE THIS HELPS...SUZ