[Moriah]

Hi everyone,
My name is Moriah. I am 29 and a single adoptive Mom to Gloria (5) and Equashia (2). Glo was my niece and has a background of abuse and neglect and I became her mom when she was almost 3. Equashia has a drug and alcohol, multiple foster care placement and failure to thrive background and came home 2 months ago. I love my girls tons, and feel very blessed to be a Mom. Gloria is my challange. She has really been struggling regarding school and home and bus. She has been into "trouble" daily in her class room, on the bus and at home for "pestering" her classmates, sticking her tounge out at her bus driver and at home for a sassy attitude, and agressiveness. She is currently in therapy for night terrors and to help deal with the events leading up to her adoption as well as the adoption itself. I had her tested for ADHD and attatchment and both reports game back glowing. I truly think she has some attection deficits as well as some RAD behaviors. But she acts charming and bright and lovely (all of which she can certainly be!) for her evaluators! At home when she has trouble, I put her to work but I cannot control her at school or on the bus and I know I am doing my best with a tough kid, but I cringe when I imagine what others who aren't aware of her baggage must think. I feel defensive and angry and very weary of the daily reports of her misbehavior. I know she is adjusting to being a sister and sharing Mom too. Does anyone have any advise or ideas I could impliment to help her and us and her school?
Thanks for listening,
Moriah

[lucyjoy]

You might try rocking her before and after school. The motion as well as the closeness can be good. If you haven't read Nancy Thomas and Foster Cline's material, you might want to. It's full of insight and parenting ideas for different situations. Nancy Thomas also has a video for teachers.

My six year old went through a short time driving his teacher nuts and being really defiant. I put him in "time in" for 1/2 a day where he had to stay right with me so I could help him make good decisions. He's a pretty sharp kid and decided making good decisions was way more fun then following mom around.


Brita ST.Clair has a book calle 99 Ways To Drive Your Child Sane which is really funny and I read it during stressful periods. It has some fun ideas for dealing with never ending behaviors that drive you crazy.

(Kids with RAD are charming, it's on the symptom list see www.radzebra.org).
Did the person who evaluated her for attachment have attachment training?

[dadfor2]

HI, well, just so you know, your not alone, my 5 yr old boy has been tantruming all over the place cause he doesnt want to go to preschool. he says the kids dont like him and wont let him play, of course he is always saying "your a poo poo head" hes been saying it alot, and when hes real mad, hell call you an *******. he knows all the curse words and pending on how angry he gets, he has no problem using them. And yes, hes a charming as he could be when he wants to be.

this has been getting worse as time goes on, when he is ready for school, he cries and holds onto my leg and cries "dont go, dont go" while i am ready to go to work, ........

im not sure whats going on with him, hes therapist keep telling us to keep the routine no matter how much he cries. He can tantrum for hours..so i can relate to the problems, just more parts to the journey

[Jill3303]

Me too! I'm a single mom to an 8 year old with RAD whose had multiple placements. We've had good days and bad days. Recently it seems like lots of bad days. He's been disruptive at school and at latchkey. More violent, more frequently at home.

Finally figured out the trigger was that his teacher, whom he adores, is having back surgery on Friday and won't be back all year. It's like (birth) mom abandoning him all over again.

So often I don't know the trigger. But in this case, figuring it out has renewed my patience and empathy. It gives me the stamina to keep going.

Hang in there! Believe me, I know it's hard.

You are making a huge contribution to this child's life!

[pogie]

Dear Moriah,
My foster son has recently been diagnosed with RAD and I found a great wesite that I can print out and give to some of the others in this boys life who are not aware of his issues. It is www.attachmentdisorder.net/Letter_to_teacher.htm I hope it helps you.

Good Luck, Pogie