[SusanC.]

To quote Dr. Art, in a discussion below regarding residential treatment centers and whether this is the place to discuss them or not:

"I think that any open, civil, and informed discussion of children with sepecial needs, including those with behavioral problems, psychological and emotional problems, and severe psychopathology has to include discussion of various options, including residential treatment. To ignore the reality that some children and their family need that treatment option to heal is to deny the reality of many families lives."

I believe this is true. I believe this discussion is necessary. Not fun, but necessary. No one is talking about "giving up" on kids. We are talking about helping families. I want to thank Dr. Art in offering his expertise on this forum. I appreciate his wisdom on the topic. To deny the families of adopted special needs children the right to discuss the OPTION of residential treatment when needed is to guarantee that there will be families suffering a tremendous nightmare alone.

Please don't delete my post. Please keep the topic of RTC a viable one on this list. I don't believe that talking about options will cause a knee-jerk reaction of a bunch of families sending their kids away. On the contrary, I think that discussing the options provides knowledge, and knowledge brings about strength. People can learn a great deal through the reading of others experiences and the sharing of their own. There are families HERE who need to talk about this NOW.

-Susan

[Graham]

Hi Suasn,
Check my response to several people on the "Keep the Kids at Home" post. Perhaps that will help explain why I am concerned.
Regards,
Graham

[SusanC.]

I read of your concerns, and in many ways I agree with your concerns.

However, in the matter of society holding adoptive parents accountable and not expecting to pay the price for the care of a child who is returned to the system - I might offer these words in response to my own experience and many other experiences on this board:

When are WE, as a society, going to start holding the SYSTEM accountable? The system that we - either directly or indirectly - are responsible for creating in the first place. When are we going to - as concerned members of this society - going to step forward and demand accountability? We talk of the system being broken. We talk of workers who have lied to us in order to get placements. Of workers who don't know their jobs well enough to spot the signs of attachment disorder (which according to Dr. Art's research, is present in as many as 50-80% of our children). We talk of few post-placement services being offered. WHEN are we going to realize that failed placements aren't THE problem here, but merely a symptom of a system set up with no accountability? THAT is the problem.

And one would think that it could be a problem that - while not fixable overnight - one that could be set on a path of correction. Because we - as Americans - tend to forget a little fact in all this. WE OWN THE SYSTEM. Our taxes pay for those workers and those services. Those in position of making the decisions are elected and put in those positions by US. And - the last I knew - WE still have the power - through voices, many voices - to bring about change. Perhaps we've forgotten (and I include myself in we) that the "system" wasn't put in place to own us. It was put in place to SERVE us.

So what do we do? Do we continue to argue about whether or not we should be talking about RTC's on this board? Do we continue to think of the "could haves" and "should haves" and lament the system for failing us?

Or do we do something about it? Something that goes beyond one branch - one DSS department, one county, one state - and shakes the whole stinking tree?

Graham, I realize that you've used your experience and wisdom to help bring about change and help for adopted families and children in your state. Art has committed his time too, in research on how children from the system are effected and also how families heal and what is needed for that healing. I have my personal experience and also the love of writing and the willingness to share through that. There are many people on this board - all with wisdom, experience and a particular talent.

What if we put all this wisdom, experience and talent together? What if we combined our voices and made something loud enough to be heard nationwide? What if we took it clear to the top - what if we demanded change?

Could we change the system? Could we make it better for the children? All children? OUR children? Could we?

I'm game if you are.

-Susan

[Angeleyes]

I agree the system is long overdue for an overhaul. We can all sit here and complain about how messed up the system is but that is not going to change it. The only way it will be changed is when we as adoptive parents of these special children are heard.

We can sit here and debated whether or not RTC's are ok or not. We can sit here and say the system needs to be changed. We can even sit here and make up our dream system but without creating waves this will never change.

There are people out there who want to hear what you have to say. This nation has an Adoption Bipartisian Coalition. It is ran by Senator Rockefeller. Maybe it is time we as adoptive parents make sure our voices are heard. We may not be able to make changes for our own children. But, perhaps we can save others.


Angel

[Graham]

.. for adopting families. Now there's an idea whose time is overdue! Great thinking Susan and Angel Eyes. I'm all for it. If you don't mind waiting until tomorrow I'll post a new thread echoing your proposals, and we'll see how much energy is out there. My initial thought is the development of an Adoptive Parents Bill of Rights which placing agencies would sign as a commitment to participation in the adoption. If enough families required such a commitment the system would have to cooperate as it never has needed to before. And I'm sure there are lots of other great ideas to promote grass roots change.

Graham

[SusanC.]

The "Bill of Rights" was sort of an idea I've been tossing around too. I'd love to see it as more than just a "voluntary, some placing agencies participate, some don't" type thing. I'd like to see some endorsement/ support/ acknowledgement from the federal government as well. I like Angel's suggestion of Sen. Rockefellar's group, and hope for more like that. I envision something consistent and permanent in every state in the nation, like the Multi-Ethnic Placement Act or the Child Citizenship Act.

I will be eager to see your new thread tomorrow and the ideas you've put together, and will be prepared to offer some of my own as well. I'd like to invite everyone else on this board to participate and to invite others to participate in the workings of this too. An idea such as this would not only safeguard us as adoptive parents, but it will be of tremendous benefit to our children. Treating the parents of these children with compassion within a system willing to take the time and effort to provide the help needed from the beginning of the process to clear beyond finalization will strengthen families. And that - I believe - is really what we've all entered into this journey for in the first place. To offer strong families to children who need them.

Let's all get to thinking about it - what our needs are, how and where to voice those needs and to whom.

-Susan

[Angeleyes]

Hi

The name of the group is the Congressional Coalition on Adoption and they state their mission as:

The Congressional Coalition on Adoption is an informal, bipartisan alliance of members of Congress who support adoption. The members are concerned for children who would benefit from adoption, families who wish to adopt and birth parents. The Coalition strives to remove barriers to adoption (including international adoption), to promote understanding of infant adoption and to support the adoption by loving families of children who are awaiting adoption in foster care.

I have the names of all the Senators and Representatives involved and I also have found a list of email adresses. So, if anyone is interested in contacting any of these people please let me know.


Angel

[SusanC.]

Maybe we could wait to contact them until we've organized our presentation - and then all speak in one, BIG, united voice that can't be ignored or put to the side.

-Susan

[Angeleyes]

No problem Susan. Not like I am going anywhere LOL

Angel

[kmalay]

I am all for this too, but I think it must go deeper. Things need to change to get the kids out of the situations that have caused this to start with. After reading the stories of some of these children as well as what the caseworkers tell me about the system major changes need to be made. I have had caseworkers tell me the wished everything would be federalized just so that is was more consistant. These kids are bounced around for years. they go back and forth from birthparents to foster care it is no wonder they have attachement disorders. Not to mention what they have been subjected to in the matter of abuse and neglect. I just cant help but wonder if these children were pulled earlier and placed in their permant homes earlier if there would be less problems. The welfare of these children should be first and foremost not politics.

[Graham]

The likelihood is that initially this effort would need to go it alone. The congressional bipartisan committee is exactly that, and may not be the kind of support we're talking about. Political advocacy is a careful game and if we aim to win.... lets ensure not only right is on our side, but pragmatism too. anyone ready to go the distance on this?

[Angeleyes]

I am willing to go the distance but I think we can't just complain. We have to help them understand what the problems are and what needs to be done to rectify them.

Angel

[kmalay]

I too am willing to go the distance. This is about our most important and best resource....our children. If we don't fight for them what should we fight for?

[Graham]

Absolutely, I assume we're talking about a careful program of education, reinforcement, prominance for the issue, and zero complaining. I'm thinking foundation dollars for the federal education part. I just want to be sure that everyone understands that this is a "no wimp" deal. People and professionals will have to sign their names and numbers on the bottom line, and be ready to speak on CNN if called.
That's actually the bare minimum commitment (if NBC calls we'll probably respond as well but only to Katie or better).

Are we making sense yet? Are you ready for this Louise?

[Angeleyes]

Ok, you can go talk to Katie but I want mine to be cute, young and male lol


Angel