[Again!]

Hello again to all:

I've been absent from the board for some time. It's great to hear Indy and his family are doing well, very, very sad to hear the conclusion of Pam's story. I successfully adopted 10 and 11 year old siblings almost 2 years ago. After a difficult adjustment for the 10 y/o, they are doing great, on track in school, successful in extracurriculars. My daughter, now 13, is hitting the teen years like most teens, with raging hormones and flashes from childhood emotions to adult ones, but I suspect she will grow out of that in 10 years or so! I'm seriously thinking about adding another child to our family, both kids agree that would be good although my daughter wants a girl and my son a boy. I have spotted a good match 2 years younger than my son. I'll be updating my homestudy starting next week.

Should I do it? Or am I risking too much as we are really happy right now? I would like to add another child for several reasons...it's been hugely satisfying to see the kids go from insecure to secure, confused to successful; we have the room and there are an awful lot of children out there; I think my son would benefit from having a younger brother to mentor; and I just want one more! Tough choices, again.

[Indy]

and can't.

Most everyone is here...except Mike and I have kept in contact with him.

[Again!]

LOL, I wasn't trying to be mysterious! I never posted much although everyone answered a few key questions for me, and I can't remember my username (its that same syndrome as "now why did I walk into this room?" that has gotten much worse with parenthood). I'm a single female doctor in Houston if that helps!

Lynn

[alisab]

Again!

I am also considering another adoption, though I'm only looking right now. I adopted brothers about one-and-a-half years ago.
They were 10 and 8 at the time. We have been doing very well together. They are mainstreamed in good schools and developing friends and interests. Brandon, the eldest is now 12 and maturing into a teenager, nothing too scary yet. I have spoken to the boys about adding another child to the mix and they are both very supportive, and would like a younger sister, please. They are even willing to share a bedroom with bunks to accomdate her. One note about wanting a little girl, they had a baby sister that died when she was a few months old and this has been a big marker in the lives of their whole birth family.

Anyway, I definately want this new child (girl or boy) to be younger than my boys, though I'd really love to help a brave older child who still wants a family. I'm considering all this and I'm going to be waiting about a year before pursuing this in anycase.

Here is my main fear: when I go to adoption support meetings I always come away feeling that I'm very lucky because my boys aren't acting out to the degree that I hear from fellow parents. I know there is always a risk but it is scary when I read in adoption forums about those parents that regret it, ie, adding another who turned out to be a child that affected the family in terrible ways. My boys aren't problem free, one was considered low-average IQ and has ADD (he is doing fine in school now), and the other has a remarkable case of ADHD! But still, things aren't bad at all.

So, I am interested in this thread too.

[Happy]

Although I have not adopted before, we have a blended family of his, hers, and ours. We have gone through major ups and downs (including oldest daughter placed in RTC for a year) and after ten years are now cruising along beautifully. So I worry alot about if I am doing the right thing in considering upsetting this newly achieved and precious calm by adding a special needs child. What am I thinking? I must be nuts! Then I have to remind myself that I am not doing it for me, but to help some child who really, desperately needs what our family can offer. I may upset the balance, but I will also be teaching my children about compassion and responsibility and living a life of meaning. So...I worry, but know in my heart that I am on the right path and I pray that I am given the strength and wisdom necessary to see us all through.

[Georgia Mom]

Hi all,
I am pretty new to this board, though not new to adoption. My husband and I began this journey almost ten years ago, when we began doing therapeutic foster care. We adopted that child, a boy who was ten when he joined us. Two years later, we did emergency respite for a 6 year old girl, fell in love with her, and adopted her. Three years later, we added another girl, 11 at the time. All are special needs, with all kinds of "alphabet" diagnoses. (MR, AD, ODD, PTSD, ADHD, etc., etc.) Our son no longer lives at home (That's a long story for another day), but we are still in relationship with him. Our daughters are still challenging, but on the whole are doing very well. We are now at a point where we want to do it again! Some people think we're crazy, some people think we're saints. In truth, we're neither. We're just a mom and dad who think we've learned enough to do it again successfully. (We hope and pray, anyway.) The girls are excited about having a sister. (We are only willing to have a girl at this particular time.) At this time we are getting re-approved to do therapeutic foster care again. We have requested adoptable children if at all possible. I do worry a bit about upsetting the balance we have achieved as a family, but any change involves disturbing the status quo. With so many children in need, I can't see not doing it if we can. I rather like this quote from Deborah Hage," If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room!" I say go for it.

[louise]

you are taking up too much room..."

I like that!

[Again!]

LOL...the living on the edge quote sums it up for me! That gives me a great quick response to people asking why I would add more. Thanks.

[Graham]

This is just for Indy. Where's Mike anyway. We miss him. And where do you sail? Are you watching the VL Cup in NZ on OLN? too many abbreviations!
Graham

[Dianna]

Our last adoption was 5 years ago and I always wanted to adopt again. My husband was not able to even consider it as the last go 'round was extremely difficult for us and one child moved on to another placement. In retrospect, I see the experience in a positive light because all the children (including our lost lamb) are doing well and where they belong. We have grown tremendously and are doing very well as a family right now. I was hesitant to even mention my wish to adopt again as I figured that most peole I know would think I am insane. My husband and I very much enjoy parenting and now he is ready to consider adding to our family once again.

As part of our homestudy research, we have to get a letter from our daughter's psychiatrist, which required that we go in for an appointment. He said that he was afraid for us and our other children. He said that in many cases, adding another special needs child to a family can be disastrous for the special needs kids already in the family. We want to make sure that our other children continue to do well. He said that all children who experience a break in the primary caretaker will have an attachment disorder to some degree. Some infants who are subjected to prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol receive brain damage which prevents them from being able to attach no matter what you do for them.

That said, he can think of no higher calling for a person than to offer a home for children to help make their lives, and this world, a better place. If we believe in our hearts that this is what we are meant to do, then we must prepare for the worse and hope for the best. I was hoping for the best but reluctant to prepare for the worse again. I do not want to hit the bottom and go through the suffering we have experienced in the past. So we are trusting in God again, and believing that our hard gained knowledge and wisdom can make a positive difference in our world. We are taking it one day at a time and in no hurry, but slow and deliberate. Best wishes and prayers to everyone.

[Indy]

Mike is doing very well. He and Chris made a visit down here a little over two months ago. He called couple of weeks ago.

They are doing well. Chris has grown so much. Mike just got re-elected (darn democrats, LOL ). I have asked him several times about when he is going to get another...he just smiles.