[kay]

First, I haven't been able to find the post adoption parenting board - does anyone know if it still exists, and if so, where?

In the meantime, I'll vent a little here. My 11 year old son has been with me about 2 1/2 years. He did fairly well in elementary school, where he was as near as I could tell (no letter grades, just ok or not ok, basically) a low average student. He's really struggling this year in middle school. He's never learned how to study, and thinks that if he does the work once, no matter how shoddily, he's done, and should never have to look at it again. Tonight he brought home a science test that he'd gotten 27% on for me to sign - "you're just supposed to sign it, Mom!" and had a fit when I insisted he get out his book and answer the questions correctly. He maintains he hates school and hates learning. He's actually quite bright, and enjoys learning, but he certainly does hate studying! Although he is a slow reader, he is improving, and there's no learning disability that has been determined.

Any tried and true tips on how to teach good study skills? I'm tired of the tantrums every time I insist that he take his time and do his best work. Back to school night is this week, so I'll be discussing this with his teachers, too - but I know a lot of you have been fighting this particular battle. Any ideas?

[louise]

I tend to attempt to find out what could be hindering my child/ren from being successful. Is it lack of ability, not knowing, poor habits, emotional overload, the list is endless really.

If the answer is emotional overload (and that would not be too surprising, given the transition to middle school) then my advice is to lower the stress surrounding homework for a while. I KNOW this sounds like I am suggesting something that will only make the problem worse. I can only say that, time and time again, it has been beneficial with the children I know.

While the pressure is off for your child, I would start some conversations with school personel. Is there an advisor/counselor that you can talk with? Try to get feedback on the school's expectations of performance, are your son's teachers working with him to improve his test scores? Is he in need of some testing, to determine any special needs he might have? Is a 504 plan indicated?

We had exactly this issue with our son Josh when he entered middle school. We certainly had expectations in terms of his academic performance. We created a plan for him to be successful and followed up with the school personel. We tried, as much as possible, to eliminate stress in the parent/child relationship and held Josh accountable for his efforts and performance. Josh figured out pretty quickly that poor effort on tests (because he didn't study) resulted in less free time both at home and at school. Not being responsible for homework translated into mom and dad realizing that Josh was not yet ready for some of the other activities 11yos get to do. We tried very hard to put the responsibility back on Josh while doing our best to not over react to poor grades. At this age, unless there are other issues (such as LD or ADD) kids have to WANT to do well in school (or at least do OK!) we can't force them to perform IMO.

Some of the services we used for Josh:

A 504 plan due to his emotional history and need for structure. This plan included a weekly progress report, from each teacher, with current grades, behaviour and effort with space for comments and progress. Thsi way if testing showed a poor grade, or if homework wasn't completed we knew at the end of the week. It was Josh's responsibility to bring this home, completed and signed. If he didn't he lost out on an activity (like hanging with friends) and had to do chores as a make up to me because I spent time worrying about his school performance.

If a pattern emerged in a particular area, we had Josh get his DAILY homework assignments signed off on by that teacher. Josh knew if he managed this, we could go back to the weekly "check in".

Joshua was connected with one teacher, who happened to be an older AA woman (Josh is AA) who really looked out for him and encouraged his growth. She also held him accountable when he messed up.

He had access at any time to the school counsellor for advice or support.

We were in frequent contact with the VP regarding disciplne issues.

All in all, Josh did very well in Middle School. He graduated with a 3.4 gpa and received an award for academic improvement as an 8th grader from an orginization in our County.

I hope this helps a little bit! And any effort you make on behalf of your son will surely reap many rewards!