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Hi,

My DH and I have one 5 1/2 year old bio DD and would like to add to our family through adoption. After much discussion and soul searching, we have decided that we would like to pursue a non-infant adoption. For a number of reasons, we have been thinking that it would be best for us to adopt a child who is at least a few months younger than our DD however this gives us sort of a limited age group of children which we know could mean a much longer wait. When I discussed this isssue with a SW at one of the agencies that we are considering, she recommended that we keep our options open and possibily consider children who are just a few years older than DD. She said that sometimes there are children who were the oldest sibling in their birth families who need to be placed as the oldest in an adoptive family. In a way this made alot of sense and I felt a little guilty for not thinking of it from that point of view before. So now we're just really confused and would really appreciate any advice that any of you can offer - regardless of whether you adopted younger or older or at the same age as your other children.

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Originally Posted By Ann

I'm no social worker but I am in the adoption process and have spent hours talking to our social worker and even more time reading about adoption. Isn't your bio DD's place as the oldest child and her sense of identity in the family important? I think that your social worker is more concerned with the needs of the child being placed than the one already in your family. From everything I have heard and read NEVER disrupt the birth-order of your existing family. Just as bio children entering the family will always be younger so should adopted children entering the family be younger. I know this is sad for the older children needing placement but you must consider that your child is also an oldest child who needs and deserves that place in her family. That's my 2 cents.