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Originally Posted By nomi

Dear folks,

I am the adoptive mom of a 3 1/2 year boy from the foster care system who is the light of my life. He is great and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He is also bipolar and receiving psychiatric care. I have hopes that with early intervention he will lead a reasonably normal life. The way I look at it he is a sweet kid with a rotten illness. We tried to add to our family recently and had a terrible experience. We used a local agency that specialized in special needs kids in California's foster system. I had a lot of respect for them. We received a placement that I thought was forever. It was an eight year old boy with epilepsy. I was told that he hadn't found a home before because people reacted with fear when they learned he had epilepsy. It seemed that the placement was great since I didn't want another child with major emotional problems. and his, I was told, were mostly medical. He was in our home two and a half days. During that time he caused extensive emotional damage to my son and I and the babysitter. He physically abused my son and I. He was kicked out of school due to his aggressive and non-compliant behavior. He was refused to be seen by a pediatrician because he exhibited behavior in her office that led her to be concerned for his safety. He trashed the babysitter's house, ran away, and was 5150 ed to the ER. He would blame his behavior on his "seizures" and took no responsibility for his actions. He exhibited strange and bizarre behavior...yapping in a high voice and flapping in circles for over 30 minutes. And then he accused the babysitter of hitting him and she is (unjustly in my opinion) under investigation by CPS. Her daycare has beem shut down. He was returned to the foster home he was at and then something happened because they are now under in vestigation and all their foster kids have been removed. He is back at the childrens shelter in his county and very happy. I belive that he has an attachment disorder --along with other major psycological problems--He has been in the shelter and in five homes in four years.
And now my son and I are left with pain in our hearts. My little son loveed this child and the idea of having a brother....He slept with him, took baths with him, ate what he ate, echoed what he said...etc. He wanted a brother so so so badly....and still does. Today we were coming home and we passed a mom and her son--about 4 years old and he said..."That looks like a good brother for me." He is very sad and tells utter strangers, "I lost my brother."
I am disappointed with our agency...that they have done nothing as far as providing emotional support for us...and haven't even asked us how we are doing. I emailed the child's worker to see how he was doing...She called me and asked, "On a human level how are you doing?"
Furthermore, the agency says we cannot do matching until the CPS investigation of the babysitter is over--even though there have been no acccusations against us.
I really wanted to adopt an older child. I am 46. I didn't want a newborn. NOw I am scared. I want to protect my little son from being hurt again. I am only interested in kids now from 2-4 about. This agency says it will not be able to work with us if that is the case since my son's therapist recommended ages 3-7. We did a kid who just turned 8 a few weeks ago.
. We got really hurt. I don't even know if I cna trust this agency now. There arfe several others in the Bay area and I don't know if I should just go elsewhere. Or maybe I should just save and go to China. I still want a second son. My little boy is so primed for a brother....But, I want one that will stay forever. And the only way I can think of avoiding the pain we have experienced with this placement is to go younger...The great irony with all of this is that the therapist (who has never seen my son with other children) recommended an older kid because bipolar kdis can be aggressive. Yet, the aggression we experienced came from the older child...not mine.
This is long. I am sorry. I have recovered. it was a short placement, but my son has not. He waited a long time for his brother to come and can't fully understand why he didn't stay.
I don't know what to do. SUggestions appreciated.
SIncerely, Nomi
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