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Originally Posted By Waiting in TN

I wondered if some of you who have already adopted could share your experiences and suggestions about what to tell people who ask those sometimes innocently curious, but often uncomfortable questions about your adopted child. "Does she have any problems?" "Do you know much about her past?" We don't have a placement yet, but may be getting close, and I know that having other kids tease her about her past was a big source of hurt for the little girl we may get. And I'd like to keep most of the details private. But how do you nip those discussions in the bud without appearing rude yourself?

People are already asking me those questions, and I'm fumfering around with awkward speeches about protecting her privacy, etc., that probably make her past sound worse than it is. My husband came up with a quirky idea, to stave off those type of questions. He said, "Let's just tell them she's the daughter I didn't know I had!" You know, a brief encounter with a woman who never told him she had his baby, but just contracted a fatal illness or something and tracked him down. Have we been watching too many B movies? I have a hard time deceiving people and rarely try to, but this seems to me like a situation where if it helped avoid more pain for this child it may be worth considering? Anyway, I'd appreciate any feedback y'all can give us on this.

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I checked at this site to see if anyone was posting here. I love your question and think you should post it. The web-site has moved to www.afteradoption.org. Please post it there.

I love your husbands idea. give them as obsurd a response as their rude question. We have in the past, with foster children (who were AA and we were cauc.) refered to them as our son/daughter and then when strangers gave a quizical look I just looked at them like it was the most normal thing in the world. People were usually not so rude as to push further. As far as issues and past history goes. I told people up front that their personal history was theirs to tell or not tell and I wouldn't break their trust by telling others things that our child may not want us to tell. I took the road of, x doesn't want us to discuss their history. Most people didn't question further. I have a friend who was on TV with her sons (adopted and biological). the news people wanted her, not only to point out which child was the adopted child, but what his disability was. She refused and said, they are both my children and their history is not something that needs to be broadcast to the community. She was discussing the benifits of adoption and said it doesn't matter which of my children I adopted, their lives have both become richer because of it.

Ashley