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Originally Posted By Debra

Got a little panicky thinking I had lost my best source of support during the very first week of being an adoptive parent. Maybe I'm addicted to this board....lol. This is just the best place I've found to get good information and GREAT advice. So of course going "cold-turkey" for a couple of days now, I have tons of issues that I need help with, but we'll start with the most recent concern.(Just to refresh your memories, we adopted siblings, an 11 year old boy and 14 year old girl, last Thursday, April 18). Both are ADHD, but med free for the past 2 years. Girl is extremely fidgety, can't sit still, always touching things, etc. Question: Is there an age appropriate activity to keep her hands busy? One of those squishy balls, or crotcheting or something? ANYTHING?!?! Should I make her try to sit still (on her hands) or just ignore her incessant fidgeting (and poking and prodding at her brother or me or dad). I think I read that we need to teach them to control their behavior, for school and future employment and social interaction. She was doing good in her old school, A/B student (mainstream) but she's only been here a week. I won't even mention that it drives me absolutely NUTS (of course that's what kids are supposed to do to parents, right?) Any advice from those of you who have BTDT?

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Originally Posted By SusanC.

In your shoes, I would probably not allow the poking and the prodding at other people. She needs to keep her hands to herself. However, I WOULD allow the fidgeting and offer a squish ball, smooth rock or something to keep the hands busy.Do everybody a favor and make sure her "fidget object" isn't something that makes noise, though. In my research on ADHD, I read somewhere that a lot of ADHD children absolutely NEED the distraction of something in their hands to help them focus.

Another perspective along the same lines, minus the ADHD implications: This has got to be a nervous time for your new daughter. I'm kind of a fidgety person myself, and tend to twist my hair or bite my fingernails... particularly in nervous situations. Regarding my warning about noise making objects, I've been known to pull the clip-on barrettes out of my hair and click 'em open and shut (click, click, click)... Works for me, irritates the heck out of everyone else though!

God bless!

Susan C.

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Originally Posted By Jackie

My oldest used to drive me nuts with the tapping of a pencil during school(we homeschool), but if I made her stop tapping then I lost her attention to the lesson. My son doesn't tap anything, but his imagination takes him very far away during the time he is supposed to be doing independent work.

We have been told that the boy we want to adopt is hyper, always on the go, but after we sent them our video the cw told us that J may seem a little calm in comparison to our younger dd. She is my super fast foward child. I have been able to taylor their education to suit their active charactors, and was able to teach them to sit for sunday school and church, but it was a process. I will say that as soon as the preacher is done praying they are out the door and running.

I always kept my hands going with writing as a teen. I used to rewrite my school notes, draw pictures, color in coloring books, work in puzzle books(word searches, etc.) I could also take them on the go. Perhaps these may work for your dd. It will also keep her mind thinking. Hope this helps.

Blessings,
Jackie

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Originally Posted By Debra

I do believe that she HAS to do it, and that most of it is involuntary, but I also want her to be aware that there are times she will be required to control it as much as possible, and the first step (I think) is helping her to be aware that she is doing it. Ironically, she was able to lay quietly in the hammock outside all afternoon(no fidgeting) while she watched mom and dad and bro do yard-work. Guess who didn't have any computer game privileges tonight!!LOL
We'll be looking for a squishy ball tomorrow (Susan, a smooth rock is just something to throw at your little brother, didn't you know that? Not that a squishy ball ISN'T, but the possibility of serious physical harm is less!) Thanks again for the responses.

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Originally Posted By Peggy

Some of the fidgeting and restlessness will probably subside with time. My first three months with my daughter,(9) she could not sit still, now she seems more on track with other children. She is still hyper in new situtations. First time anything, is a litte bit like that. second time, same situation she is usually very calm.

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Originally Posted By Debra

Any new situation, especially one that involves other people (friends, relatives) really increases the fidgeting. So you say it took about three months......I'm marking my calendar (in hopeful anticipation). Thanks!

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My middle child was considered very quiet by people who did not know her well. She was in constant motion, and starting at age 10, we got her percussion lessons all year round. Yes, it was noisy, but they did not start her on drums; they did start on orchestra bells. She had a good reason to be in motion, learned a valuable skill, went on to take piano, too. She played all through 5th through 12th grades, was her high school's first female snare, and played in both the formal percussion ensemble and a Caribbean style steel drum band for 4 years of college. (She became an accountant, then discovered she could not stand to sit still in an office all day. And I was not surprised). Knitting, crocheting, embroidery or other hand crafts, but especially anything repetative really helps. Her older brother was also a constant motion person if not engaged in an activity. He absoluted vibrates in church. When these two were young, they split a lot of firewood. It really helped -- spent energy, increased self-esteem, competition, safe use of sharp tools, cooperation, contribution to the family, etc..