[DarrenDriven]

I hope I haven't disappointed you, but there isn't much of a story yet. I just wanted to start a topic so that I could document my experience in becoming a single, 33-year-old adoptive father in Oregon.

For two years I have considered becoming an adoptive parent, but hadn't pulled the trigger. In the past couple of years my closest friends have gotten married, have had (or are having) children and slowly their lives are changing. I haven't been especially lucky in love and I finally came to the realization that if I wait for my "perfect match" I might be 40 and still looking. Why not move forward with a family while also helping a child that might desperately need it?

At this point I have taken nine hours of the required training. Next week I meet with my adoption worker for the first time.

I have only told two people about this, my mom and my best (non-parent) friend. Both are very wary... I think mostly because this came out of the blue to them. My mom has warmed to the idea and even attended one of the classes with me. My friend seems to be worried that I might not spend as much time with him if the adoption goes through, but I am not too worried about that since I don't really expect to adopt in less than a year.

Any comments, advice, feedback?

[saj]

Just good luck and enjoy the journey. Looking forward to your updates.

Saj

[Indy]

It was almost 11 years ago for me! I read this post and your other one from December 2009. You think there isn't much information about single father adoption today...you should go back 10-12 years! You are starting to see more men adopt, but it is still real common.

I worked with nwae home in the past. They were great to work with.

Always feel free to post here. Actually there are three active members here that are single dads...and a couple less active members. You see our "tracks" for the past 8-10 years.

I wish you well on your journey.

[Barksum]

Good to hear from a fellow Oregonian. Looking forward to following along as you get your licensing requirements all met and the homestudy completed.

[Perfect7]

Welcome aboard! I think it's wonderful that single men are stepping up to be dads. One of my favorite movies is "Martian Child" where John Cussak adopts a child from foster care. While I wouldn't promote this as a reason for adopting (ha ha!) lots of women are really attracted to single fathers. They get to see you in that daddy role and as a family man. :-) Best of luck!

[DarrenDriven]

Thanks for the support guys! I'll update this every so often.

[Kerbchek]

Seriously, I think I learned the most right here in the special needs section of A.com... My story doesn't go back nearly as far as Indy's... but when I did start out (summer of 2004), I did go back and read a lot or maybe all of his old posts...

Good luck with the journey. I hope you find becoming a parent as rewarding as I have. It's so weird trying to justify to others why you want to be a parent... fact of the matter is, it's what you want to do... go with it... and update often... there were plenty of people who thought I had lost my mind at first... and now nobody can imagine me without my kids.

[Indy]

Originally Posted by Kerbchek

...My story doesn't go back nearly as far as Indy's... but when I did start out (summer of 2004), I did go back and read a lot or maybe all of his old posts...

Kerby....you must have thought I was writing fiction! Or out of my mind!

[MO_SingleDad-2B]

Originally Posted by Kerbchek

Seriously, I think I learned the most right here in the special needs section of A.com... My story doesn't go back nearly as far as Indy's... but when I did start out (summer of 2004), I did go back and read a lot or maybe all of his old posts...

Welcome aboard Darren!

Like you, I'm just beginning this journey. I've completed the required courses and am in the process of finishing up my home study. Can't wait to wrap that up and get licensed finally!

I also found myself going back and reading Indy, Original Mike's & Kerbchecks old post. Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm still here!

Good luck, and keep us posted on your progress.

[Kerbchek]

Originally Posted by Indy

Kerby....you must have thought I was writing fiction! Or out of my mind!

Well... your posts sure caught my attention! At the time, I had a couple friends tell me I should become a foster parent... and my response was "What the heck are you thinking?" However their bringing up the possibility did get me thinking... and reading up on the idea... which somehow I found a.com... and the rest is history

Good luck to both of you starting out the journey... becoming a parent's the best thing I've ever done!

[DarrenDriven]

Kerbchek,

I seriously just blew off some work I needed to do around the house (turning a partially-unfinished basement into another bedroom and closet) and spent almost two hours reading through your post history. Wow. I feel totally unprepared for what I might experience, but also even more enthusiastic as well. Like I said, I am also a single male, but I have no teaching experience, etc. Just what I learned from my mom and dad when I was growing up and an ease around children that is almost a little scary.

I want to comment a little more, but in an hour I have my session #7 (working with the child's family) and I need to grab a bite first.

[Kerbchek]

Originally Posted by DarrenDriven

I want to comment a little more, but in an hour I have my session #7 (working with the child's family) and I need to grab a bite first.

Oh, this brings back fond memories... after I left the licensing classes (PS-MAPP is what mine were called) I always called my parents... I had to drive about 30 minutes or so to a college campus where they were held... That's great you have the support of your family.

I had started "flipping" a house in 2001 (while living in it) and started taking the classes in 2004... and the house was not quite ready when I started classes... I spent many nights and weekends getting things ready and trying to explain to the homestudy worker that things will be finished up in time...

I do think being a teacher helped me in many ways, but not in ways one might think... I think the "connections" I've had within the school district have helped me to better advocate for my kids... I know people who can get things to happen.... kind of as a favor, etc... my kids' teachers know that I know all about IEPs, etc...

The thing that has helped me the most has been knowledge that I've learned in the process... ask questions and read, here and elsewhere...

Good luck, I look forward to hearing your updates!

[waited2long]

Just wanted to toss you some luck and back up Perfect7's comment, yes, Daddy's are hot! :lol

[DarrenDriven]

Well, my home study threw up an obstacle. I was in the process of selling my big, freshly renovated house after five years of hard construction work. Finishing this project was one of the reasons that I felt ready to attempt an adoption. Unfortunately, my case worker felt that I should have an established home to begin the adoption process. I don't totally disagree, but it was my understanding that the adoption would take time and I would have plenty of time to settle into my next home. The case worker didn't agree, so asked me to re-apply once I had purchased another house.

Another speed bump is the fact that I don't currently work. I do some freelance web design here and there, but a few years ago I sold a very successful website for close to seven figures. Since then I have worked on personal projects, etc, and have had no earned income to report. I look at this as a benefit for a potential adoption since I have a lot of free time to spend with the child, but the case worker felt that having some income would appear better for the adoption panel. Again, I don't totally disagree, but it is just one more challenge.

So in the meantime I went to China for 2.5 months, then Australia for another six weeks. I have since returned to Portland and bought a cute little house. I have not given up and my story will continue...

[Barksum]

Speed bumps are all too often NOT included in the tour guides, hmm? Glad to hear that you're moving forward and updating as you do.