[lucky_13]

Anyone out there have a RADling with FAS/E as well? What has worked/not worked. Open to any suggestions and/or experiences. At what point do you decide therapeutic parenting and outpatient therapy are not enough?

[zebramom]

We have both, plus a host of other things. I wish I could tell you what works, but sadly, I don't have the first clue.

My son is violent and breaks the law regularly, so has been in several treatment centers and foster homes, with VERY limited success.

Not trying to be a downer, just don't have any easy answers for you. Sorry.

[lucyjoy]

I think it is very hard to parent a child with both as it's hard to know what is deliberate RAD behavior and what the child really can't remember because of the FAS. I was not very successful at this.

Routine was the most successful thing we used that T handled well. He could learn to do things on his own as long as there were minimal changes. He needed to eat at the same time, get up at the same time, keep the same chore everyday-he could manage that. I had him write things down to help him know what to do. The rad part of him argued about doing this but it did help him.

I don't think the kind of therputic parenting that worked with my straight rad kids was good for him. I figured that out too late. I think Katherine Leslie's coaching approach is a very good tool for kids with both, though it has to be done MORE for an fas person to get it to their long term memory.

Part of successfully treating RAD, in my opinion, is helping the child learn to be proud of themselves and to accept thier ability to be successful. I had a hard time helping my son find a way to do this. He honestly, for this particular thing, did better in a group home with other kids like himself where he didn't have the constant disapproval of his siblings.

My son at 19 is homeless somewhere. He is, however, a paranoid schizephrenic with anti-social personality disorder so it's not just the rad/fas that put him on this course. I think there is hope for your child to have much more success. And, I don't think I did a very good job cause I didn't understand the fas soon enough.

[mdaisyq]

There is an awesome yahoo groups called RAD_FASD kids.

These parents have BTDT and are very supportive.

My child doesn't have FAS but does have RAD and luckily they let me join anyway.

I finally have a place where I can talk about all the bad and scary stuff - and they truly understand. There are no judgements - I get enough of that in my daily life.

Melissa N.

[suburbanmomgw]

I struggle every day. The question of whether the behavior is b/c of FAS or RAD is constant. I try not to spend too much time figuring it out! I am really hoping as he grows up I can continue to handle him...but I also understand the realities of the illnesses! Hang in there.

[evansmum]

I don't know what to say that's very helpful either. M is 9 now, and has been with us for 6 years (on Tues). The frustrating part for us is that he's not "full-blown" RAD or "full-blown" FAS. We have "an attachment disorder that was very close to merging into RAD when he came to us" and ARND, as bio mom wouldn't confirm acohol exposure during pregnancy.

So neither is bad enough for any major services from CAS or the school, but together they are enough to have turned dh and I grey by 30!

There are days I don't think he's attached at all, and he's just counting the days until he can legally move out.... then there are the days that he will run back downstairs at bedtime and go "MOM! I forgot to HUG you!!!"

I just try to keep the good days in my mind when the bad days come knockin'...

My goal is to keep him alive and out of prison. Only a fellow RADmom would understand that. College would be awesome, but very much beyond what I will accept. Living on his own would be great, but not likely (though the break would be nice... lol). Marriage and children, I would die of happiness.... but only IF he's capable of loving them properly; otherwise I'd be terrified of a cycle repeat.

Well he's screaming at N right now, so I need to do some crowd control - chocolate turns my house into a rerun of Where the Wild Things are.

[crazycanuck]

I second what lucyjoy said - it's about routine.

My FAS RADlet is probably somewhat easier than most because he's very severely affected by FAS causing a severe intellectual disability (severely MR). So illegal activity and risky behaviour isn't an issue for us. Bedwetting, inappropriate sexual behaviour, digging (if you don't know that term you don't want to!), violation of boundaries, and the general day in day out wear of living with someone who doesn't comply or follow the simplest direction/routine and who seeks to annoy and irritate others - those are our issues.

J does best with lots and lots and LOTS of structure and routine. Also really managing his stimulation level. This means that, while special outings (parties and such), staying up late, and other "fun" things might seem enjoyable, they need to be limited, as they up his stimulation level and break routine, thus increase his anxiety. To an outsider, it probably seems like we're crazy strict, bordering on "mean", as we don't do a whole lot with J in the evenings, he's got a very early "quiet time" (bedtime routine done and in his room watching TV at 7pm), and we nip any rowdy behaviour right in the bud. However, these are the things he needs to be happy and healthy. He's already got a day program he goes to that is very loud, busy, and boisterous, and that's about all he can handle through the week.

It is definitely hard to know with J, whether behaviour that comes across as antagonizing is due to the FAS or the RAD. One causes forgetfullness (FAS), and the other causes intentional disobedience, so...