[mommytoEli]

it can't be avoided. an adult family member has moved in with us. this is a person who is fairly "close" with my child(edit to add: as in....they have been around my child alot, we used to also be neighbors and we saw eachother daily...they have lived through the running aways and rages and lies and have see first hand her behaviors and love her anyway), but this person has never lived with us for more than a few weeks visit before (after we moved away). this person knows our dd has attachment difficulties and issues and is supportive of us. it will at least be a few months, and it could be forever. so.......

what can i do to help my dd with RAD? i already know i need to discuss with the other adult about not parenting the child, and i'll have to be vigilant about her having a third person to triangulate. other than that, what can i look for, prepare for, help with, talk to dd about? anything?

thanks!

[Linny]

We've parented RAD children before. Tough all the way around and it clearly seems you're staying on top of it all. I guess one thing I'd do is suggest to your guest that they read some material about RAD that you'll supply to them. Most people don't have a clue about RAD and how difficult it is to parent them. DH and I often said the bottom line for RAD kids is to remember 'what's right-is wrong/and what's wrong-is right' in their minds. I realize that's horribly simplifiying it all; but maybe it'll cause your guest to see you're parenting in a different fashion (as all Rad parents have to do) because RAD is NOT a typical behavioral problem.

It may do well for your guest to try and NOT attempt to build a close relationship with your RAD child---at least for awhile. As you know, the closer someone tries to get to a RAD, the harder the RAD will pull away or sabotage any and everything.

I wish you the best. Parenting a RAD is tough enough....but sometimes trying to get others to see how complex they are---is even tougher.

Sincerely,

Linny

[mommytoEli]

thank you for that advice. i just want to make sure i'm not missing anything obvious. obviously i expect something to "come up" that i didn't plan for.....but i have to try.

[ScrapMonkey]

The true test will really be when the adult leaves. We had a roommate who was NEVER home because she traveled a lot for her job. It was perfect pre-kids and we maintained the relationship after our son was placed with us. After two years, she finally moved out and as much as we prepared him he cycled into a horrible few months of terrible behaviors. It was awful.

Good luck!