[yrn2Bamom]

I was just notified about a 9 month old that has brain damage as a result of shaken baby syndrome. The damage that was done was to the back lobe of the brain on both the right and left sides. I was told that this will affect his vision and cognitive skills. Can anyone else tell me what to expect as an outcome from this little guy? What are the possibilities of him learning to read, do basic math, to be potty trained, and will he have to have total care? He is currently standing and bouncing with assistance. He is not crawling. He plays with toys and other kids/ppl. I would be a single mother. I teach school so I would be able to be home a little earlier than other single parents. Is this situation even doable with being a single parent? As of right now there are no other kids in the house. Thanks for any information you can give me.

[Lylac]

Hi First thing is take a deep breath! I have 4 kids with brain damage..3 from Shaken Baby Syndrome. I'll start off by saying what I tell anyone that is thinking about a child with any type of traumatic brain injuries.

These are the questions that you must ask yourself.
#1 Can I accept this child just as they are today..right this minute, not ever knowing how much progress they'll make.

#2 Do I have the time to devote to numerous appointments..Neuros, Vision,Orthopedics, Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy and the list goes on.

#3 Am I prepared to be loved beyond belief, to celebrate a hint of a smile, to jump for joy at any new inch of progress?

This is perhaps the biggest and most important question of all...

#4 Am I prepared to give this child care for the rest of your life? It can range from just a little assistance to total care.

With all that said..from what you have said..and the baby being only 9 months old, he/she is making huge progress already, and with continued support and therapies, should only continue to do better. The thing is NO one can say for sure what the future holds for these lil guys..not even a doctor. They can only speculate...as each child is different.

My oldest daughter (almost 8 years old now) was shook at 4 months old. All of the doctors told us, to take her home..feed and love her, that "if" she lived her quality of life would be zero..a vegetable. She'd never walk, talk, she'd be blind and would need total care for the rest of her life. After spending a month in the hospital Lyla came to us at 5 months old. With alot of determination and God's grace, Lyla proved ALL of the docs wrong. She appears as a normal girl, she can't use her left arm and hand, she is very smart, when it comes to school, but stuff like stranger danger, she just doesn't get. She will have a pretty normal life, with a little help.

My oldest son was shook at 6 weeks old. He can't walk, but crawls. He can't say but a few words, but he has them in his mind..just can't say them. He is smart, considering that the whole right side of his brain is dead, and the front and back left side is damaged. We got him at 3 years old and he has made HUGE progress. He will always need care.

My baby boy was shook twice. Once between newborn and months, then again at 2 months. His whole left side brain is dead. He can walk, but can't talk. He is verbal tho, he laughs and babbles momma. He is gtube fed. There is no reason why he can't eat by mouth. He just doesn't know how. We're still working on that. He will always need care.

My baby girl is 3, she wasn't shook. She was born with brain damage. Developmentally, she is younger than a newborn. She has very little head/neck control, is tube fed. She'll never walk or talk..other than perhaps baby talk. She will always be a baby and require total care for thr rest of her life.

All of my kids have vision problems (cortical blindness), They are not blind, but their brain processes what they see differently than normal kids. All of my kids have seizure disorders..2 are on meds for them..2 have been weaned off.

So you see it's hard to give specific prognoses for each one.

As far as being doable..I say definately! It's just a matter of getting a routine. If the baby goes to daycare, then early intervention will go there for therapies..or to anyones house. At 3 they would transition into the school system, and the school would be responsible for therapies and services.

There are a ton of services available. I'm sure that if you get this child, you can work things out to suit your schedule. If it was me..I'd be all over this baby..but thats me. If you have any specific questions..just ask. I'll help you in anyway I can.

At first things will seem crazy, but soon you get your groove and all the appointments smooth out. And before you know it..it becomes normal to you.

My kids are my life! They give love unconditionally. To us..our kids are perfect.

[Withay]

I'm so glad you answered Lylac. I was hoping you would.

yrn2B - if anyone around here can answer questions about shaken babies it is Lylac. She is our resident expert.

[yrn2Bamom]

Thanks so much for the responses. I have put my profile in for this little boy so now I have to wait and see if I get picked. They have stated that they would like him in a two parent family because he does not sleep through the night. They said they would consider me because my mom would be willing to help out in anyway she can. After adoption takes place she would keep him or any child I get while I am at work. I feel good about this but that doesn't mean that it is God's will for me so we will see.
Lylac - Where I live there is not any VI specialist in our area, what would this mean for this little boy? I live about an hour to hour and half from Kings Daughters. I was wondering how much therapy they receive in this area?
Again thanks so much - you have given me hope.

[Nevada Jen]

My DD is brain damamged not from shaken baby but a stroke) The only other thing that I think you should consider as a single woman is that the child will get older and it will be considerably harder to find services. There is no day care or after school program for my DD in my city. My husband must stay home with her and in the event neither of us can be there we have to fly a relative in because the kind of care she needs is beyond that of a normal baby sitter. The other thing that is becoming a huge problem for me is that at 10, she is getting to big for me to lift and she cannot walk or transfer herself at all. I know I could not handle DD on my own and live my current upper middle class lifestyle.

[tybeemarie]

Good luck with your search! I remember waiting to be matched--that was a hard time. Your child is out there somewhere, and you'll get him or her eventually, but the wait sure is hard since its length is so indefinite. You are wise to educate yourself on what different types of disabilities would require and what you can reasonably expect.

My kids don't have physical disabilities, so I have no wisdom to share there.

Lylac, your post is so beautiful! I am moved by how you write, "he will always need care," and "she will always be a newborn." Very few people could write these sentences with the calm acceptance you do. I am grateful you and your children found each other. You are a powerful example of how much deep contentment and joy can be experienced being a mother to medically complex children. I really admire your commitment.

And you didn't have to write, "I'd be all over that baby!"--I think we all could have called that one!

[athikers]

As for predicting what this boy will do... I think you need to ask a lot of questions and be prepared for the worst case scenario while hoping and working for the best case scenario.

My son has brain damage as the result of a car accident. He has damage to about 1/2 his brain, the most severe, concentrated damage is in his left frontal lobe.

#1 Can I accept this child just as they are today..right this minute, not ever knowing how much progress they'll make.

We were told by doctors that our son would never walk without assistance, never talk and never eat. We brought him home when he was just shy of two years old prepared that our son would be like a 6 month old for the rest of his life. Its now ten months later... He runs around the yard, tries to ride a bike, loves to play at the park and jump and dance . He does all these things with no "assistance" though he does do some of them a little differently. He signs 250 words and speaks nearly that many, but does not speak normally whatsoever. His feeding tube was removed in August and now he eats all the same things as his sister... though I still have to feed him (not because he CAN'T hold the spoon - because he WONT (oral aversion can be fun, people))

#2 Do I have the time to devote to numerous appointments..Neuros, Vision,Orthopedics, Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy and the list goes on.

My son averages 4 hours of therapy/doctors visits per day. This does NOT include the therapy I do with him, but his time with actual therapists and doctors. There are days/weeks when this is really annoying, but WOW is is helping my son.

#3 Am I prepared to be loved beyond belief, to celebrate a hint of a smile, to jump for joy at any new inch of progress?

Every little "inchstone" with my son is SOOOO huge. A phone call to everyone who knew the day he first at a gerber puff. Another phone call the day he signed a word for the first time. This week he jumped off a step.... a year behind schedule but he JUMPED and you better believe his PT and I were doing backflips.


#4 Am I prepared to give this child care for the rest of your life? It can range from just a little assistance to total care.

I just wanted to add... my husband I and do not plan to actively parent our son into his adulthood. If he can live independently he will do so, otherwise he will live in a group home setting or have his own caretaker. I only say this to note that you need to PROVIDE for the child's care into their adult life, but you don't need to necessarily do it yourself, kwim? I don't think either way is any less loving, its just what different families might prefer.


We love our son sooo much. He will always be different, look different, act different. But he is a beautiful, happy, joy-filled little boy who is so very contented with the simplest things.