[sistomany18]

How many times a day are you told this by friends or strangers?

I hear it constantly that I must have a big heart for taking in so many special needs kids and how I make it look so easy and must be really blessed and love my kids. I do love my kids, but there are days where I am constantly battling with my kids and I feel like it couldn't be further from the truth. When me and my kids do go out in a public setting like a school event or restaurant I am told how well behaved my RAD kids are and it just makes me want to puke because with my RAD kids they may look normal to outsiders, but mentally are very ill and people and strangers seem to think that they were just one big picture of happiness and sunshine.

It's frustrating when you have people tell you how blessed and lucky you are when you feel like you are living in a war zone constantly and have children who are so far from being attached to anyone that all they feel for you is cold and empty malice which I don't think anyone would consider that loving or a blessing.

[txwannabemom]

often. but i don't ever feel the need to tell them I am blessed or lucky. I just say "thank you". The true sentiment is "I am not able to do what you are doing, you must be specially gifted". Which you are to love a person who feels "cold, empty malice" for you. It may not be what they see, but they know they can't do all the things you are. A dear friend of mine always says with a laugh "I'm glad it looks easy to YOU!" and a smile.
Your blessing is patience and love in large quanitiy when neither is reciprical: what a gift!

[crick]

Originally Posted by sistomany18

It's frustrating when you have people tell you how blessed and lucky you are when you feel like you are living in a war zone constantly and have children who are so far from being attached to anyone that all they feel for you is cold and empty malice which I don't think anyone would consider that loving or a blessing.

Maybe not on your kids part, but it's certainly loving on your part. And there really are people who could not parent the children you are mom to. So, in reality, it can and does take a special person to do that day in and day out.

That said, I can understand the frustration and irritation. Just cut yourself some slack maybe and think "If you only knew honey..." kwim?

[mypov]

I know how you feel. I have thought alot about why it bothers me. I think its because 90% of the time I feel like a mediocre mom, rather than the "amazing, selfless, saint" people tell me I am. Even though I will continue to feel bothered by their remarks, I need to remind myself that they see only a fraction of what I really go through and no one (but my hubby) will probably really know that blood, sweat, and tears I go through all the time to give them at least a better life than they would had they not been adopted. I continue to believe I would be a GREAT mom if i were not up against extra-ordinary circumstances...so I will continue to do the best I can and the BEST comment will if ever one of my CHILDREN grow up and tell me I was amazing, selfless, or saintly to raise them. I think I could die happy on that day

[aspenhall]

I'm always greatful that she at least behaves in public, even if not for me. If I get a compliment, I take it as they have seen improvement in my child, and I am greatful that someone else can see a difference. Somedays it takes a compliment to make me realize I am having an effect on my dd.

[momraine]

My son is pretty much always good in public because he is always putting on a show and attempting to charm anyone we meet. So for me when people compliment his behavior, it's kind of sad to me, because I know what they are seeing is fake. A sign that he is not better yet. When he acts like a normal kid in public, then I will know he is healing. Adults notice and comment on him, because he goes out of his way to charm them, ignoring other children. His behavior actually gets worse if he sees the same people too much. The mother of my daughters dance teacher is a good example. We often sit and wait the hour she is in point class and the teacher (who is young) has a mom who waits too. He charmed this lady the first couple of times we were there. Now, he is starting to ignore her when he sees her, to the point of being very rude. She spent too much time with him, and asked him questions about his life. When he realized he would keep seeing her often, he decided she was a threat. On the other hand the pharmacist that we see in the grocery store, but only for a minute or two at a time, he goes out of his way to charm.

[Lylac]

Originally Posted by mypov

I know how you feel. I have thought alot about why it bothers me. I think its because 90% of the time I feel like a mediocre mom, rather than the "amazing, selfless, saint" people tell me I am. Even though I will continue to feel bothered by their remarks, I need to remind myself that they see only a fraction of what I really go through and no one (but my hubby) will probably really know that blood, sweat, and tears I go through all the time to give them at least a better life than they would had they not been adopted. I continue to believe I would be a GREAT mom if i were not up against extra-ordinary circumstances...so I will continue to do the best I can and the BEST comment will if ever one of my CHILDREN grow up and tell me I was amazing, selfless, or saintly to raise them. I think I could die happy on that day

You said it perfectly! When folks tell me that I am special for doing what I do..I just say nope, I just have special kids. And of course I get "you'l have alot of jewels in your crown"...I don't say it..but I'm thinking that crown has to fit over my horns!

[chickymum]

I don't get told this very often because people see me as just being mean because my DD always wants them to see how hard done by she is. They think I am the one who has made her the way that she is. Not saving her from a life of no real family.

And if someone does say that then I pretty much walk away because they have no clue. If they knew how strict I was with her then they would be like the others and not say it at all.

I am not wonderful because I do not have the patience that is required to parent DD. I wish I did but I don't.