[ScrapMonkey]

My son was adopted from foster care as a toddler and diagnosed with RAD. He is well attached now but still has a hair-trigger temper and other post-trauma effects.

Before he was school-aged, we had no intention of homeschooling him. I was tired, I was looking forward to the BREAK school would bring! We enrolled him last year but he wasn't even 5 yet when school started. I chatted with his K teacher and was thrilled to find she had also adopted her daughters from foster care about the same time we adopted our son! She was very familiar with attachment issues. Unfortunately, we decided together he just wasn't ready for K yet and we pulled him after 6 weeks. The principal praised us and the teacher supported us.

Fast forward to the new school year. Again, I was ready for the break and anxious to enroll him... but one night it hit me like a ton of bricks that I needed to keep him close, he needed more time, and I needed to homeschool him. Say what? Homeschooling was NOT the plan, it was NOT what we envisioned for our family. I wanted to go back to work, I just wanted a break from his behaviors, for goodness sake! Call it God's will, call it a mother's intuition... we ordered a curriculum and he's now being homeschooled for Kindergarten.

Since making the decision, I have come to enjoy it but I am intrigued by the challenges he continues to face that are related to RAD and post-trauma and attachment in general. He can have a complete melt-down if he gets an answer wrong. He is so competitive that we cannot play board games as a family or as part of our learning experience. He is so smart, a whiz at math and he loves science, but other subjects make me want to tear my hair out. Of course... that might just be the 6 year old boy in him, too!

Anyway, I am fascinated by the number of people who homeschool their kids with RAD. I have a friend who adopted who was encouraged to homeschool by her attachment therapist. I learned that long after we'd started homeschooling our son. It totally makes sense to me, in hindsight, but we came to the decision strictly instinctually. We really cannot afford this and we will likely need to move into a smaller, more affordable home (ie, an apartment) just to continue to homeschool him, but dh and I have decided it is worth the sacrifice to both of us. Our son is worth it.

After a terrible experience with a local homeschool group outting, I have started a quest to connect with other RAD homeschoolers. I have found some great blogs but no community. I decided to start a group on Facebook (message me for the link or search for RADschooling on FB). I really need some friends who know what the day to day is like because it is NOT the same as homeschooling a well-attached child. It is very, very different!

Thanks for reading. Thanks again if you also homeschool your kid/s with RAD and want a new online friend. I could use it!!

[Jensboys]

I did for 4 years, and put my son back into school last year (successfully).

Its TOUGH!! tough, tough, tough BUT looking back I would also say VERY effective and worth it all the way.

[KarynB]

Hi there,

I hope you don't mind if I join this thread - we are looking at homeschooling very seriously right now and just trying to figure out the logistics. Our son isn't RAD by does have attachment issues as well as either ADHD or PTSD (middle of 2nd assesment right now), which bring out behaviours in school that are really causing some social and academic problems now that he is older. Well, they always did, but I feel like we are at a bit of a crossroads right now (he is in grade 6)...sort of now or never!

I am also worried about the "commitment" part of it - and if I will tear my hair out having him around ALL the time. But also can't stand what mainstream school is doing to him...so I'd love to jump in here and learn a bit from those who have BTDT!

ScrapMonkey - I really admire your commitment to your kids and their wellbeing. It sounds like homeschooling might be really great for your son. Are you following any particular "method" of homeschooling? Also - do you (or anyone) have any recomendations on good books on the "how to's of homeschooling (not curriculum)?

[mommytoEli]

i did for one year. we made a lot of progress. i feel it really gave her a time to get noticed for good things, and not have the pressure of putting on a show for everyone at school everyday. the behaviors were a lot better during that time. i wish i would have done it sooner.

[brett158]

In our area we have several "online" schools, charter and regular public schools. It is similar to homeschooling except they actually log in and connect with teachers and other peers. It can be really helpful, you can get them all set for class and logged in to the computer. Once they are doing well you can start to do other things while they are working on their classes. The teachers can provide supplemental materials and assignments that you can work with them on. It takes away some of the stress of homeschooling, having to get curriculum and plan lessons. BUT, the school is also required to provide services through the childs IEP (or have them tested if they are not already). So you could have speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc. for your child that they may be missing out of if they are not in a regular school setting.

[Lorraine123]

I did it for three years. Overall, I'm glad I did it.

I wanted to spend more one on one time with her in hopes that she would bond. I don't think it helped with that, but she does have some good memories of the things we did together. And I actually have some good memories also.

She is so good at fooling others and convincing them that she is dumb. I know that is not true and I held her to a higher standard. In fact, on the state required test, she tested exactly on grade level.

She returned to school this year because, honestly, I was burnt out. She is very challenging and I needed a break.

She entered middle school this year so it was a good time to transition her back. It has so far been a disaster, but I will not change my mind. I gave her all that I could during that time.

She has been in schiool for 6 weeks, and they have already dummied the curriculum down to 4th grade level. So much for my believing in her and knowing that she really is smart.

Financially its tough. Its hard to put a price on this. If it made even a drop worth of difference it was worth it to me.

You have to fight to stay unemotional when they test you. That was hard. The isolation is also hard. Find support groups.

[Joy2566]

I homeschooled my bio kids for 17 years. I absolutely loved it, however, I could never homeschool my RAD kids. I don't even do well helping them with homework. I need the break.

[ScrapMonkey]

It's strange because I would have thought I'd be ready to strangle him after homeschooling but I find his behaviors are pretty good during "school," maybe because he's getting used to the routine, etc. We're taking the week off to prepare everything for our annual foster care home inspection and he is grumpy, short-tempered with his younger brothers and very argumentative at every opportunity. THIS is exhausting... the schooling has been pretty great so far.

Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate learning from you all so much!