[Indy]

I have done a substantial amount of reading and introspective thinking since V and I met with the counselor. I am co-dependent and not just on V. I have thought about my relationships with all of my sons. On varying levels, I am co-dependent with all of them. This is normal somewhat, as most relationships are based on co-dependency. I think the best article that I read is from webmd. It gave me 6 redflags to think about. They are:

Red Flag No. 1: Do you become obsessed with fixing and rescuing needy people?

Red Flag No. 2: Are you easily absorbed in the pain and problems of other people?

Red Flag No. 3: Are you trying to control someone? Is someone trying to control you?

Red Flag No. 4: Do you do more than your share -- all of the time?

Red Flag No. 5: Are you always seeking approval and recognition?

Red Flag No. 6: Would you do anything to hold on to a relationship? Do you fear being abandoned?

The full link is here:

Signs of a Codependent Relationship

I would say that I fit 4 of the 6 strongly. The other 2, I see some signs by not strongly.

There is a group that meets on Fridays locally. I will be joining the group, so I can get my life back. Thank you for your comments and prayers.

[Barksum]

Keep updating with what you discover, Indy. And of course, continued prayers for you and the boys.

[jcm]

Indy, that is a good article you had there. I too can strongly relate to most of those questions. My co-dependence issues came up for me when I quit drinking, and started attending Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings. Those meetings have been quite helpful for me.

[tybeemarie]

I am so proud of you that you did the research and fearlessly and honestly asked yourself the hard questions. Then you found a group and you committed to going. What a wonderful way to model healthy, healing behavior to your sons!

Just think of how much better you will feel! I do think our children show us things about ourselves we'd never know about otherwise. Some of the things I learned about myself I almost would rather not know about! But not really, because it has afforded me the opportunity to work on these things. We'll be better people at the end of all this, Indy. Assuming, of course, we don't go stark, raving mad raising our kids!

Hurray for Indy! I really am so proud of you!

[saranbr]

Well, according to those red flags I'm NOT co-dependent! In fact, if you checked with my husband, he might like a wife that's just a little co-dependent, lol.

But on the serious side-- thoughts and prayers for you that the introspection and meetings pay off and that you achieve a little more balance in life. Or, you could find a wife like me and then between the two extremes you might end up somewhere in the middle! Just kidding, don't do that to yourself. Stick with the meetings.