[mypov]

A few times lately I have noticed my 9 year old (attachment issues, sexually reactive towards boys her age, ptsd, ADD, therapist playing around with a bipolar diagnosis)daughter getting aggressive with my 10 month old. She will start to pick him up (which is forbidden because of her low muscle tone he is too much for her) and drop him. Or she will push him over when he is sitting up or cruising on the furniture. She was adopted 4 years ago and he was a VERY surprise bio baby. We really do love them all the same, though naturally being a baby he gets more attention. He LOVES his siblings to peices- and isn't afraid of even his 9 year old sister, except for the first few minutes after she gets aggressive.

the thing is, she isn't aggressive with ANYone else. Not with her 7 year old sister, 4 year old brother, or other kids. I think she has SOME understanding that she is adopted and he is not- but only that I AM his birthmom, she is a bit lower intelligence and I am not sure if she really understands that difference. I'm thinking it's jealousy over his amount of attention? Is this normal for her cognitive age range of about 7 years old?

I now not only have to watch for sexual issues but now I can't turn my back for one second because she does this when I am IN the room.

Sorry, anyone else go through this? Any solutions? My anxiety is rising just thinking about how small he is and how quickly she could do major damage without, according to her "thinking about it."

Thanks all!

[tybeemarie]

Ughhhh, line of sight supervision! Been there, done that--NIGHTMARE! It is very stressful because you feel like you should be able to prevent every attack, and then over time you learn you cannot. This is a sickening realization. Your situation is worse because a baby is involved.

My advice, and again, I have only had to protect school age kids from abusing animals and being sexually reactive with one another, not protect a baby, is to put your baby in a sling or a carrier or what have you and wear him all day. It's great for attachment and if your back is turned for one nanosecond, that's when she'll strike. She'll strike anyway, but you can intervene more quickly.

I am sure this brings up powerful memories of neglect in your daughter. I would address that directly and reassure her. I would rock her in a rocking chair, all bundled up like a baby, and offer her a bottle. I would coo at her and snuggle and do all the baby stuff she missed out on and is observing now with great envy. I would present it as something you are doing to meet your own needs. Something like, "Taking care of your brother reminds me of all I missed with you. It leaves a hole in my heart. I really would like to do some of those things I missed with you." Even my oldest agreed to being rocked and bottle fed at 9, so it's not too late. This could be a huge step forward in your daughter's healing.

Good luck! And it is SO draining. You truly have my sympathy. Get to bed early, eat well, take care of yourself.

[chickymum]

You are scaring me because I have yet to see my 9 year old DD become agressive but i know that there is something inside of her that must be a little jealous of our 8 month old. We will not trust her and I hope we do not see her being agressive with the baby. She is in line of sight especially when the baby is around but i am glad for the heads up here that there could be problems.