[joskimo]

I didn't want to hijack the other post, but we just got matched with a little guy age 7 identified with PTSD and ODD. One of my questions at the disclosure meeting was on attachment. Both his foster mother and his case worker who has been with him for years state that he is most definitely attached.

We've been matched for a few weeks now, have talked on the phone but not in person. He's excited but sad to leave behind his family and treatment team. When I was on-site (with the CW and clnician) last week they were paging though a neuropsych exam and stated RAD. But that contridicts both the reports I get from the foster family, his case worker, and even his clinician states that he's havinga hard time letting go of his family (foster). So I have people verbally disputing the RAD. ?????

[kretzklan]

You are right that it doesn't 'sound' like RAD. Could it be that he was dx'd much earlier and had some intervention with this foster family? Could it be that they are just labeling him that so you can't say "oh, they didn't tell me" (from what I hear they don't do that though)...

[Lorraine123]

Any diagnosis can be wrong. The "having a hard time letting go of his foster family" could be PTSD and not attachment. I would move forward on the assumptino that the diagnosis is correct.

[joskimo]

Lorraine - I am hoping for the best but trying to educate myself to prepare for the worst

Kretzklan - he has been in a therepeutic foster home for 2 years now, so I am hopeful that has helped. CW is also reporting a significant decline in services at center and school. While I'd anticipate behaviors with transition, I still think it's a great sign that there's a declined need in services.

[jeffw]

They told us ours wasn't RAD because he was "bonded" with the foster family. The fools, they thought he was bonded because he was affectionate with them sometimes. They didn't recognize the manipulation. He was with the last foster family for 2 1/2 years. His behaviors there weren't too severe. He had all of the TV and video games that he could ever want and they held his hand through the homework. They quietly tolerated the distasteful behaviors. He wasn't too severe because they gave him whatever he wanted and demanded nothing from him. They were babysitters, not parents. When he left he didn't grieve the loss at all.

he's havinga hard time letting go of his family (foster).

If he hasn't left the foster family yet then you can't go to the bank on this one. He might really be grieving or he might be using sympathy to try to get things out of them. You can hope for the best but you have to be ready for RAD. It is doubtful you can figure how which way it is ahead of time.

[momraine]

I think preparing for the worst and hoping for the best is the way to go. My son was and is very manipulative. I remember in K, my son cried the day before spring break and had the teachers in tears because he told them how much he was going to miss them over the break. Then he got in the car and said to his sister, "yay, I don't have to see those stupid people for a week!" At the end of the year he again had those teaches in tears with how much he would miss them, but then the next year whenever they would pass him in the hall he would pretend he didn't know them. He even told one he didn't remember her to her face. It really shocked them. He also told later teachers how much he hated the earlier ones. He also in school would tell his teachers who much he loved me, so they would all say awww and hug him. Then he would get in the car and tell me he hated me. It's very strange to live with a kid like that cause no one else sees the same kid you see.

[joskimo]

so we're meeting him in person in 3 weeks, anything we should be looking for in particular to identify this dx or just go under the assumption that it's true?

[Lorraine123]

You can't see RAD on a visit. At this point, I would assume its true.

[momraine]

One red flag would be if he jumps into your arms, or starts hugging you, asking you to take him home or calling you mom and dad. Those would not be normal reactions for an attached child.

[lucyjoy]

If he's been working with a therapy team and in a theraputic foster home, maybe the diagnosis no longer exists. Some children get better. I would expect he has issues remaining and I would expect regression upon moving but if he has learned to trust and attach, that's a huge, huge step. So, maybe it was right but no longer applies.

[ScrapMonkey]

I keep seeing references to RAD kids jumping into strangers arms, calling everyone Mom, etc. While this is certainly RAD behavior, ALL RAD kids do not act this way. There is also the RAD kid who is kind of angry at everyone and will not display those behaviors. Just a heads up.

My son was dx with RAD at age 3. Now at 6, he is attached to us, good eye contact, initiates love and hugs, etc. His anger is still there, a hair-trigger temper. When he is angry, I am the one he hates because... well, because I'm his mom, I guess. He still has RAD behaviors, certainly, but I don't think he'd be diagnosed with RAD anymore. Now, I am pretty sure he'd get a dx of PTSD or something similar. He is attached. He is also one angry, mixed up, stressed out little boy who really can't remember why.

Dx can change. They can be wrong. They can also be spot on and WE change and adapt to the dx so the disorders are managable to us.

In the beginning, assume it is true. Keep in mind the honeymooning, the deception that is part of RAD, etc. And also keep in mind that every child, whether or not they are yours forever, is more than a dx.

Good luck!

[aspenhall]

More than seeing it, you'll feel it. Your gut will tell you not to trust this person...you'll feel nervous and uneasy around them...very "on the spot" and self concious...

My gut reacted so badly, that I had full blown panic attacks almost instantly (never had one before) they lasted MONTHS....

Also, my dd may have started off rad-ishly, but it wasn't severe, so she healed fairly quickly. He could have healed to the point that he has insecure attachment issues.

Watch his eyes, you've met enough kids to know how meeting a new one feels like...

[joskimo]

Thanks guys, we meet on Friday - I'm a bundle of nerves. I spent some real quality time going thru his neuropsych exam, he wasn't given the RAD dx but given PTSD, ADHD, and a few others like Developmeal coordination disorder, receptive language disorder, and depressive disorder. Ugh. This was all a year and a half ago, right after he moved in with his current therapeutic foster home. The possibility of RAD came up in the narrative, but wasn't diagnosed - which doesn't mean he does or doesnt'' have it, but something I'll be looking for.

His case manager completely disbeleives he's rad, she's been with him for years and years, and thouroughly beleives he is bonded to her.

[lovemy6]

Originally Posted by joskimo

His case manager completely disbeleives he's rad, she's been with him for years and years, and thouroughly beleives he is bonded to her.

Sounds like my younger kids' sw. She told me I was overreacting and I should just take them home and love them. If ONLY that was enough!

Yes, they're probably very bonded! After all, how often did she see him over the years Sorry I'm so cynical, I've just seen so many hopeful parents set up for failure. And in the same stoke, they're failing the kids!

[Lorraine123]

My daughter was also very "bonded " with her case manager. So, they see him a couple of hours a week? Even a couple of hours a day? How bonded can you be? I hate it when case workers say the child is bonded to them.