[leahcar]

We have been invited to two matching events. One later this month and one in November. Both are on the other coast of Florida (so about 3 hour drive each way).

Have you been to a matching event? What are they like? We have no idea what to expect! One is at an arcade and one is a picnic.

[AmyAnne]

I have been to a matching event. I know on the surface it sounds like "Shopping for kids", but really that was not how it went.

The one we went to was a bowling party. The prospective adoptive parents arrived before the children did. We were given information on the children who would be there, and were given the rules (We could not take out the information we'd been given in front of the kids. No talk of adoption. No asking them why they left their birth families.) The purpose of the event was just to hang out and have fun.

The children were each assigned a bowling lane. The prospective families, and usually a social worker rotated to a new bowling lane every 15-20 minutes. After we were done bowling, we went to the party room of the bowling alley and there was a movie on and we had pizza and soda.

I really liked two of the kids we met. One was out of our age range, though. the other we requested more information on but we did not hear back.

HOWEVER.... the match party is when a social worker noticed us, and passed our information on to another social worker, who was supposed to come but had to cancel at the last moment due to a family illness. She identified us as a potential good match for a 7 year old boy.

Two weeks later, the other social worker contacted our agency and set in motion the events which led to us meeting our son.


My advice would be: Make sure you have thought of things to talk about with the children ahead of time. Dress comfortably. And don't try too hard to impress the kids.

Unless this is an arcade that also has minigolf and outdoor stuff like Gokarts, I would do the picnic over the arcade. Foster kids tend to get hypnotized by video games and they're not going to be interested in socializing.

[Mkuhlmann06]

We've done several matching events. Some included the kids and others only included the kids' workers. Either way, it was a relaxing environment and had the same rules as AmyAnne. AGain, we never matched with a kid in attendance, BUT it did lead us to our son, as a worker we were talking to about one kid, offered us our son after we had to turn down pursuing the kid we were inquring about. The kid she offered us wasn't being advertised yet as the TPR had just occurred. It turned out to be a great match - it was our first straight adoption - our now 13yr old son.

Sometimes it is just the networking that is valuable!!

[wordsmither]

I hate to say it, but for us, the matching events were horrible experiences. They were events in a park, with games and such. But... the adults wildly outnumbered the kids, and the "cute" kids were pretty much stalked by the desperate parents, while the older kids were largely ignored. It was really depressing.

For the second one, we focused on meeting social workers, and hanging out with the older kids. Turns out, social workers really appreciated anyone who would hang out with the older kids, and ended up talking to us. So that's my advice - focus on the social workers, and the kids who are being ignored.

[AmyAnne]

Originally Posted by wordsmither

I hate to say it, but for us, the matching events were horrible experiences. They were events in a park, with games and such. But... the adults wildly outnumbered the kids, and the "cute" kids were pretty much stalked by the desperate parents, while the older kids were largely ignored. It was really depressing.

For the second one, we focused on meeting social workers, and hanging out with the older kids. Turns out, social workers really appreciated anyone who would hang out with the older kids, and ended up talking to us. So that's my advice - focus on the social workers, and the kids who are being ignored.

At ours, they cut off the RSVP once the families were equal to the number of kids.

[leahcar]

Thanks for the info! We got a call from the guardian ad litem for one of the little girls we inquired about yesterday. She said both she and the little girl will be at the arcade event, so we'll definately go to that one.

[j.elizabeth36]

we actually attended one matching meeting (four hours away) and got to meet a child we had inquired about a few weeks earlier. it was a picnic with games and food. we were the ONLY adoptive parents present, but I think that was because the kids were all over seven. we had like 25 kids constantly demanding our attention...it was a real eye-opener on the system. happy ending though, because we met the 10 yo we'd inquired about, met with his workers, and were matched with him a month and a half later. in fact, we're picking him up for a weekend visit tonight!

[Shelly77]

J. Eliz - How was the weekend visit?

We are still doing visits with our 9 yo Princess, so how is your process with the 10 yo?

[leahcar]

We went to the arcade event Saturday. It was pretty bad. We decided we won't go to any more unless we're being considered for a specific child (which was the case with this one). We immediately cancelled our RSVP to the picnic one next month when we got home!

The morning started with a meeting for the prospective parents on the rules (don't take photos, don't hog the kids, don't tell them you're adopting them, etc.). Then the kids were split into groups by age and the prospective parents rotated around the groups of kids for ice breaker games. The games went way too long and were not really appropriate for some of the ages or big groups. Some of the younger kids were just petrified and the teens obvously didn't want to be part of it.

After the ice breakers, we were told to meet in the corner with the guardian ad litem and case worker of the little girl (10 years old) that we're being considered for. Turned out to be a meeting with all of the families being considered for her (awkward!). We're one of 5 families being considered and they decide in December.

Then all of the prospective parents were supposed to interact with the kids as they had free time in the arcade. Interacting with kids in front of video games does not work! There were probably about 60 kids and as many prospective parents (maybe more). It was hot, crowded and loud (really loud music being pumped through). The younger/cuter kids were all being swarmed. The caseworkers all just sat in a big group in the arcade's restuarant eating from the taco bar the whole time.

One of the other families being considered for the same child as us totally hogged her the whole time. They surrounded her and moved from game to game with her. The guardian ad litem took her from them at one point because she hadn't had lunch, but they found her again. We got to interact with her a bit, but not a whole lot.

I think if we wouldn't have been there for a specific child, it would have been a waste of time. It was good for us because we did get to meet the little girl, and talk to to her guardian ad litem and case worker (when he wasn't eating tacos).

Now we wait! December seems so far away! Seeing the other families we're "up against" was not fun.

[Barksum]

EW! That sounds nasty! Awkward and not so great for the kids. (Like they don't know what's going on? ) Sounds as though it wasn't well thought out.

I can't imagine having a meeting with all the families who were considered for the various kids we were considered for. What do you talk about? No strain there! I can just imagine one family listing all their assets (a pony, a basketball court, and an indoor skating rink - all in their back yard), and then it's MY turn: "Well, we collect paperclips and raise pigeons for hobbies...."

[leahcar]

This county/agency holds these events at the arcade every six months since 1998. It's a project of the Junior League.

[kay]

I've been to two matching events, and they were both much as you describe. No matter what's said in the orientation for parents, there will always be "glommers", and it seems the rest of us just wander around kind of aimlessly. The event that I really liked, that ended with my being matched with C, was kind of a slide show, with all the prospective kids profiled. You made a list of those who interested you and gave it to your worker at the end of the evening. (That was honestly my first inkling that I might have a son rather than a daughter - when none of the girls appealed!) They were more upfront about potential issues than the photolistings, and the kids weren't there to know that they were being "shopped for".