[Indy]

I know....I can hear some of you calling me a bad parent, oh well...you don't live in my world.

Here's the story. Two weeks ago, V came home higher than the space shuttle. We got into it about what was going on. He left. I called him back three times. He didn't come back. I called the police, as I didn't want my son (who was high) wandering the neighborhood. He was picked up and taken to juvenile detention. The next day, he was released. He ran again. The next morning, he was caught. In his possession was marijuana. He was taken and held in juvenile detention until court. I visited him a couple of times.

V was guilty and knew it. He pleaded guilty was sentenced to 30 days formal house arrest, 30 days informal house arrest, 6 mos probation, drug/alcohol abuse assessment, and some "make a change" class.

AND fines...fees...these include $310 for probation, $350 for court costs, $300 for house monitoring, AND $375 ($25 a day) for his stay in juvenile! $1335 total!

Then the judge told him to get a job to help his dad pay this bill! I had to bite my tongue. There are adults out here begging for a job at McDonalds! You all know who will have to pay this! The last run in with the law he had cost me over $2000. None of this includes the attorney cost.

I am sure there are those out there that says make him work the bill off. We all know we "create" jobs for our children to do to earn money. I don't know if I can create enough work to have him do to earn over $1300 in 90 days.

So...I decided if he runs again...he runs. Don't get me wrong, I love my son dearly.

Get this, the judge issued an order that if he runs during probation...she will consider it escape and issue a warrant for his arrest. At that time the sentence will be extended and he will be held until the sentence is complete...at the rate of $25 per day. If he only gets 1 year, my cost could be over $9,000. Oh and I found out that here a juvenile judge can extend punishment beyond 18.

[mommytoEli]

my bank account hurts for you.

i get why they make parents pay, but it is sad to a degree bc 17 year olds are completely capable of making their own bad choices.

[Peggy]

That is shocking that you have to pay for any of that. My dd is/was a chronic runaway that was arrested and spent time in detention, (close to 6 months) and had many court appearances with a lawyer and a GAL. I did not pay one red cent. I would probably do what you are doing if I knew it would be so expensive. Does he have a savings account or bonds you could use for reimbursement?

[lucyjoy]

My son spent time in juvie and on house arrest and we paid nothing.

I would find it highly unlikely anyone would call you a bad parent for not calling the police, especially under these crazy circumstances.

You might consider having him look for a job so he can get an idea of just how hard that is these days. If it were me, my son would be working it off because he earned it. However, that doesn't keep the money in your pocket. Just think how nice your lawn, windows, drapes, toilets and floors will look.

I think making parents pay is crazy. The parent isn't the one committing the crime-but of course, it must be our fault, right? Crazy.

[kburch]

Indy, anyone calling you a bad parent because of this situation can just shove it! We know you, we know how much you love all your sons, and we know that you wouldn't have reached this point if anyone had actually stepped up to hold your son accountable when you tried to do the right thing. You've been put in a situation where calling the people who are *supposed* to be able to help you is just counter-productive - teaching your kids that even the "law" won't *really* hold them accountable for their actions. It's an impossible situation, and you are doing the best you can.

Of course, you can always come visit AZ and take a break. I've always thought you and my DH would get along great (probably too well, actually), and the weather here is getting nicer every day... Pretty soon I'll be mocking you all as you're stomping through the snow, LOL!

[MamaS]

Does he have any stuff - anything at all -- that you could sell on Ebay or at a yard sale? Bedroom furniture, game systems, musical instruments, CDs, DVDs etc.
Sell everything except the clothes on his back and use the money for the fines.
That is totally unreasonable of the judge. What happens if the fine isn't paid? In our state, the offender gets re-arrested, charged with "Violation of the Terms of Parole" and given jail time or community service. Ask that lawyer you are paying what happens if you don't pay the fines?

[Original Mike]

It amazes me that your police department will do anything about a 17yo runaway. Here, we take a report and that is it. While I know you love your son, tying up officers to look for him every time he pulls this is probably getting old for them and ties up time they might use on more pressing cases.

On the other hand, I have NEVER heard of a per diem incarceration fee. Here, the only costs the parents of juveniles are held accountable for is restitution in the case of property damage and drug test fees. Since your county juvenile lock-up is taxpayer funded, I'd be curious to know the reasoning behind it.

It sounds to me like your whole juvenile system there is a joke. Given all of V's arrests, I can garauntee that our juvie judge would have ordered him to the state reform school by now. At this point, it would seem that the only way to keep him safe and you sane is to just incarcerate him until he turns 18.

Next time he runs (and it will happen), don't report him. He is 17 and is choosing this path. There is nothing you can do to prevent it. Let "natural consequences" take the course. At this point, I have no sympathy for V. All of my sympathy and empathy are for you, my friend. NOBODY has the right to put you through this.

If you need to escape for a weekend, you know you're welcome here. Lake Michigan is still awesome in the fall and between us, we have enough players for a beach football game!

[kay]

I'm so sorry, Indy. Of course, we all know that this is All Your Fault, and what a Bad Parent you are to Let This Happen. It's so awful to be held responsible for our almost adult "children". I'm happy that C is old enough now that I'm not financially responsible. It still hurts to see him making bonehead decisions, but at least it's not directly coming out of my pocket. I have no solutions for you, just sympathy, and strong knowledge that this is in no way due to your parenting. You are an awesome Dad, and V is making some really painful decisions. Hugs.