[Tudu]

We have finally crossed over to the big league. We new it was bound to happen, parenting traumatized children. We all, at least, understand it is a possibility. It doesn't make it less painful. It couldn't be a worse time.

The kids just went to meet the A.D.A this week and we were forced to tell them the trial they are testifying in against their birth parents is coming soon. The first week of October. We had to tell them b/c they had been told for the last year that when they meet the A.D.A. they would be testifying the next week. Since no they have a couple of weeks to wait it was a relief to them. Emotions are running high, as most of you would imagine.

Almost 2 weeks ago, my son ran away, again. He made it a bit farther than usual and a neighbor down the street brought him up on their porch. He fed them some lovely crap like his poop don't stink, we don't love him, and I am mean. They were an older couple, not educated or really modern in any sense of the word (read redneck country folk). She is one of the special needs bus drivers for our district and after speaking with both my DH and I, felt he was in danger so she reported us to DFCS. I am trying not to be mad but I am. I know when we met I may have seemed a bit manic but I would think that would be understandable after my son ran away. They kept telling me not to beat him. I kept trying to explain, we don't hit our children. I know she was trying to help our son but he didn't have a mark on him, he was shirtless, and no one raised their voices or said anything that would lead anyone to believe we were going to hurt him.

The SW came out to the school and spoke with my son. He didn't know who she was and it didn't register until he got home and we asked if he was OK. We were told to expect the SW to stop by at some point. I have been since told that they have to do it w/i 24 hours. I called a fellow mother of crazy kids and she focused me. I contacted all the professionals in our life, past and present to gather letters for reference.

I had to go to 6 parent/teacher conferences today and explained what was happening. I informed them that I will be sending in copies of these letters to them. I will be signing letters with our therapists that include the teachers to call and ask questions if they ever feel something needs to be reported. I told them we are an open book and would appreciate they ask a few additional questions before they go and report us. We would be happy to give them the same courtesy. Our children have made allegations all along but we know they are crap. We ask a few more questions and can see the story falls apart. We need them to do the same. I assured them that if they still feel it needs to be reported, please do.

I spoke briefly with the principal that has been nothing but lovely to us, until today. SHe was short and denied knowing anything at all. I know it was a lie b/c the SW said she had spoken to her. It became VERY clear, she believes there is something going on. She is not giving us the benefit of the doubt. She is not waiting to hear all the facts or even hear any point. I told her the same thing as the teachers. I was very upset when I left. She will never look at us the same.

We are judged b/c our children look sweet, they act wonderful at school, and they seem normal. I look like a crazy person b/c I warned them to not leave them alone with other children, that they hallucinate, and they are violent. My children are so good for them and so different for me. Just yesterday, I sat through an IEP Eligibility meeting and bit my tongue. When asked if I had any suggestions, I didn't. I don't feel like I know the child they are developing this IEP for. I don't know if he will need to sit close by, need to be told 1 or 100 times to do his work, or how to motivate him. I don't know the child they see and they can't imagine the child I know and love. How can we possibly help each other? I asked them to do what they feel is best, the Special Ed Coordinator has known him for 2 years. She is convinced I am the one to blame for his behaviors here since she adores him and he behaves wonderfully for her.

I know this is long and I am sorry. I needed to vent and I can't go off on my blog b/c I have some of the teachers have found me there. I would love any advice form anyone that has gone through this. What did you do to prove you are the only sane one and are surrounded by insane children?

[crick]

(((HUGS)))) til someone far more "with it" can post.

I'm so sorry you are going thru this Tudu!!!!

[aMarylandfamily]

We have been here and done this and know that totally horrifying feeling you are experiencing. I am so sorry and I so understand!

They will speak with all of the children and determine if there is any "abuse" going on - from the sounds of things they will quickly learn via that that the stories are not factual but they will run the investigation (as you would in all honesty want them to do for fear there was anything to the concern if you were reporting on another). The letters you are gathering are wonderful but these folks also need to call the person performing the investigation and voice in person their support of your parenting, your discipline and your handling of the outlandish-ness to the allegations - it does make a difference. In the meantime you need to make sure that you are in a group at all times - no one on one in any room especially those with doors as one child could report hearing the other one scream and unless someone is there to witness there is no proof that scream of happiness was anything but that - hoping this makes sense. The other thing we did was hold a family meeting - identify to the children that it had been reported that such and such had occurred and while you respect the concern you and they know there is no substantiation to the allegations and until same is resolved all will be handled as mentioned above ... very hard but very necessary. And document (again which I know is hard with so many children in your home) every detail you can especially where you are disciplining "Joey mouthed off and sat in time-out for 10 minutes" can be substantiated when the child is asked did you mouth off and get timeout - is that the usual procedure for such behavior - etc. etc. This takes away any feeling that they may have that they can do what they want because you know you are being watched. This was very hard for dh first time as he couldn't believe the kids weren't upset - two of three at one point were enjoying every moment of our pain which is sad and yet not unexpected with kids with histories of this in their past. And hang in there - cooperate whenever they ask for things or want to stop over and from all your past postings I don't see anything that would be a problem if they were to ring the door at moment's notice or without any.

Again - I understand and am glad you posted - until you can voice your anger and disappoitnment to someone who does understand vs. those nearby who don't have these issues looking at you with the "maybe things aren't so good there" look when they are just fine - difficult and challenging (especially with one running away more than once!) but fine.

I hope this helps and the wordiness doesn't stop my message and caring from coming through. The one positive is once you have been through an investigation the next one is easier is they have the documentation they need even when they have to follow up on a report ... we had one worker who regularly called where I worked" ... did you yell at him - yes, did you hit him - no ... ok - put the coffee on for 5:00 - see you then ... again a long way to get comfortable with but part of this journey in many more instances that is written about.

Take care

[Withay]

I am so sorry. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

[devildogwife]

Really sorry Tudu. Hang in there.

[angelkisses0102]

((HUGS))

We were investigated...well all of one visit from CPS and a local police officer (on Mother's Day...no less.) Ours was easy, open and shut...thankfully the SW was familiar with post-institutionalized kiddos and AD...plus my kids were 2 and 4. And that was tough.

Prayers coming your way!!!

[lucyjoy]

Oh what fun! My sons elementary school kept hot lining me cause 3 of mine were angels at school and crazy at home. (Even after the GAL sent them a letter explaining the issues, they still kept hotlining)

I've not found talking to the schools helpful so for future reference, it's best not to try to defend yourself to them until after the social worker has investigated. You have nothing to prove to them. Looking defensive makes you look more guilty(I learned this the hard way)

When they worker comes to investigate, invite her in, let her talk to the children-warn them she's coming and just making sure they are safe so to talk to her. No reason to spike their PTSd. Give her names and numbers of the therapists, inform her he has been hospitalized and requires anti-psychotic medication(I'm assuming I have the right child in mind). Let her ask for anything else she wants.

It's scaring to think about but was relatively painless the times we had to deal with this.

[kretzklan]

No great advice - but thinking of you and sorry for all this yuck.

[Tudu]

Thank you for the advice. I have calmed a bit now. I already have a couple of the letters and am confident the rest will be here in the morning. I really have nothing to hide so after cleaning my shower, I'm ready for her to come. LOL

I sat the boogers down and let them know she is coming here. Tears everywhere. My son blames himself but we just kept telling him to tell the truth and it will all be fine. Little guy thought he was still in foster care and they were moving him to a new foster home. I told him that they don't move kids when they are safe in their home. That seemed to help all the kids. They talk about how safe they are here all the time so they seemed to lighten up a bit.

I went up to say good night and noticed he cleaned out his closet. I had to laugh b/c it is the one thing he refuses to do. I guess he was worried she would see his used but not peed in pull ups. (Any one else have a kid that refuses to throw them away and refuses to use them again?) At least I don't have to go get them out again.

[mommytoEli]

We are judged b/c our children look sweet, they act wonderful at school, and they seem normal. I look like a crazy person....

i get it. it is my life too. and i am sorry. ((((HUGS))))

[AmyAnne]

Ohhhhh Tudu. HUGS. I am so sorry.

[kay]

Hugs to you, Tudu. No advice, I've not been through this horror - but lots of love, and belief in you and your parenting.

[SAHmom]

Hugs, Tudu!

[Mkuhlmann06]

Tudu - I can't not even begin to understand what you and your family are going through... I am very sorry you are having to deal with this, but I truly hope it is resolved quickly and for all those that are not believing your situation - that their eyes become wide open and realize what they are doing. Please keep us posted...HUGS.

[sassafras]

We too are in the same situation. We simply provided them with therapists names and numbers we knew would vouch for us. Helped that she is currently in an RTC and has falsely accused me before. I have decided no one will discipline her w/o a witness and we may get cameras for our home as well. Sad but necessary. I totally get what you are going through!