[Original Mike]

Some of you "old-timers" here may remember our saga with "J" back in 2005. We had taken J as a pre-adoptive placement from another state. To make a long story short, we were not given "full disclosure" regarding either his mental health history or his desire to be adopted. Back in December of 2005, J blew out of his placement with us after months of chaos.

Shortly after he left, I had lunch with Ellen, our casewrker at the time. I asked her what she thought would happen to J. She was characterisitcally blunt and told me "They'll keep him in care until he's 18, then he'll become a homeless person."

Well, I got an envelope from a friend in a large city this week. In it was an article she had clipped from her local paper. Apparently, the paper was doing a series of articles on the homeless. This particular article featured J.

J is now 20 and living on the streets. He has taken himself off of his meds and it was obvious from the article that his mental state has deteriorated. He lives under a bridge with a 30yo shchizophrenic woman who thinks he's her long-lost high school boyfriend come back to her. Recently, he was robbed and beaten up for twenty dollars that he had found. The picture of him in the article showed the same J I knew, but much thinner with dirty, matted hair and a vacant expression to his eyes.

It was interesting what I felt as I read the article. I didn't feel pity for him, maybe a little regret. What surprised me was that I was not in any way surprised by the article. It was just as Ellen said it would be.

All in all, it was fairly surreal.

[lucyjoy]

My 19 year ole is homeless an off is pills somewhere in Colorato last I hear from him. Too much pain in his early life mix with too much mental illness.

It's such a waste of what they coult have been.

[crick]

Just sad to know that not every kid can be reached. We "know" this as a reality, but when it comes true, it really just hits a person.

[Barksum]

I feel the same as when an acquaintence committed suicide. How sad that they were so lost inside themselves that they couldn't see beyond the lenses of their eyes. There were people there, begging to help. It is the horror of watching a train wreck in progress and there's nothing you can do.

I will be praying for J and Lucy's son, because at least as long as there is life there is hope.

[kay]

I'm so sorry, Mike. Predictable, but still so sad.

[kretzklan]

In a sad way, he was on that path long before you met him. I'm sorry that he wasn't able to change it.

[aspenhall]

I'm sorry too.

[momraine]

I am sorry, but I will continue to pray for him, and Lucy's son too.

[tybeemarie]

I feel a lot of sadness for him and for Lucy's son. Mental illness is an enormous thing to manage, and it is not surprising that kids with histories of severe abuse just aren't up to doing that. Mentally ill people from loving homes often can't do it, for that matter. It is immensely tragic.

I also feel a lot of sadness for you and Lucy. I don't think you lack pity for him, Mike. I think it is too painful for you to go there, so your subconscious decides, thanks, but no thanks, we'll be going with numb. I think that happens a lot to the SNPTF. Especially with the demands of raising other kids. I do think it's important to grieve these tragic losses, but I understand how people are wary of fully experiencing that, because it feels like if you started, you'd never stop. Which is pretty much how our kids feel about their losses, and why getting them to really commit to therapy, to really take risks on love, is so difficult.

Hugs for you!

[spitzlvr]

I am so sorry

[akg1229]

My heart breaks for these children. I have been in their shoes and understand what its like to live through abuse and foster care with metal illness. I wish that there were a way for those of us who made it to the light to show the others the darkness can end.

[Drywall]

akg...I share your feelings...so many of us who share the adoption legacy, have walked in each others shoes. In various forms, we are survivors.

How the courage and strength to move forward came into being, continues to be unknown to me.

Like you, I have wondered if it was possible to teach, share, give, reach out, and provide the tools for survival. An ongoing belief that there is hope is a jump start...but how to connect.

If help came to those lost in hopelessness and despair would they follow their instincts and reject the help as a lost cause, or would there be enough hope left to accept it.

In cases of serious accidents and injury, immediate or urgent care may help for a time. If the injuries are beyond repair there will be a loss.

It seems that injuries to the "head" in terms of abuse, or other dark experiences can be equally devastating. The background noise those experiences create is so overwhelming there is no long term recovery and there is loss.

How to know how much damage has occurred, or how much hope is left, seems to be unknown.

I wish you the best,

[SAHmom]

I, too, am sorry!

[Indy]

I remember J. Sadly, I fear my V is headed down the same track.