[Indy]

V ran away last night. We had gotten into it about his stealing, marijuana smoking, and alcohol. I had told him that I did not want him spending any more time with the neighbor, as he was just trouble. I went next door to speak to the parents. V went out the door and headed north. I called to him 3 times. He did not return. I called and reported him as a runaway. We found and caught him later. I turned him over to the police. I cried my eyes out as the police took him away.

Today, juvenile detention called. I was to pick him up at 7:30pm. They could only hold him for 24 hours. I picked him up. He didn't speak and neither did I. A couple of his friends that helped me to catch him wanted to talk to him. I agreed to bring him by. I had decided that it was not wise to take him home for the evening. I decided to take him to the city and let things settle. He asked where we were going. I told him. He said that he could run away just as easy there as at home. I told him that it would not be wise, as the city's juvenile center was real bad. He then asked me what I was going to do to him. I said I didn't know, but was considering RTC, a hospital, or therapy. He said he could jump out of the car. I told him that I would not advise that. He unlocked the doors. I slowed down, as we were coming to a stop sign. When we stopped, he ran.

I called the police, again. The same officer came out as last night. He was not pleased. He said this is getting old and told me that V needed a kick in the a**. I told him that if I did that, he would be arresting me. He said that corporal punishment is not illegal. I told him that V was beaten as a child....it would be much different for him.

The boys have been wondering the neighborhood for hours. They know that if we don't find him, we will probably read about him in the morning paper. And it won't be good.

I called every hospital I could to find a placement for V. None would take him, except the one that even our probation officers won't send kids too. There were so many that only took kids on probation or were with CPS.

So now I wait...for the other shoe to drop. Say a prayer for my lost son, who I love dearly.

[DPline]

Praying for your son. And you.

[crick]

I pray he is safe.

((HUGSS)))

[MO_SingleDad-2B]

Indy, I've been following your post for months now as I start the process to adopting my own children.

I'm sorry to hear this latest news and will pray for both you and V.

[Barksum]

Will be praying here, too, Indy.

[SAHmom]

Prayers said

[AmyAnne]

Positive thoughts and prayers sent your way.

We all know you love him. This is not your fault.

[Nevada Jen]

You are in my thoughts. Let us know if you hear anything.

[Drywall]

Indy....I share your grief...I wish I could help you... more importantly, i wish I could help V.

What follows is not an attempt to provide excuses for what is happening. It is only to share thots in regards to many of the things going on in V's head.

My own adoptee childhood was much as you described with him. I don't know his story, but I'm sure we could relate.

Adoption has its own set of scars. Most of which are poorly understood by the adoptee...it is a legacy that we get with the territory....grief, loss, abandonment, fear of the past, and fear of an unknown future.

At 17, many of us would need to be shown the merits of living out a life free from fear. We don't know that.

Anyone driven by fear and memories of an ongoing horror show, will be difficult to convince, "life should be enjoyed, not endured."

As children we rely on early experiences. If this involves bad behavior, it's what we know. We also know there are gaps in our head, but there are no links to fix them.

At this point, how to extend a bridge to get V to cross over into a better life, is unknown. There are no specific formulas for fixing a broken head. It will depend how far he is into his early experiences and adoption legacy.

There can be intervention from "the man upstairs." Its the best we can hope for...and its all we have.

I wish you the best.

[Lylac]

Praying that V is safe and your hurt eases up soon.

[Mkuhlmann06]

Indy - you and V are in my thoughts. I hope that not only is he safe, but that somehow he finds his way back home. Please keep us posted.

[aMarylandfamily]

Having been in your shoes, this is the hardest thing in the world to handle and yet you must - my heart aches for V but more for you as you will in the end be the bad guy.

We had to literally refuse to bring a child home from the ER at one point after having him evaluated for "danger to self" thus causing CPS to take temporary custody and amazingly they had a RTC placement for him in days when we were denied same as individuals. You may end up taking that route.

Remember it is the courage to love that will get you through this and that love will keep you going along with all the support behind you! We are here to listen, vent and most of all just be there as we understand!

[Original Mike]

My friend,

You need to stop beating yourself up over V. You have given more to this child than anyone in any situation I have ever seen and gone not only the extra mile, but the extra light year! No matter what you do, V is hell-bent on self destruction and, at 17, there really isn't much you can do.

Here, our cops don't look for 17yo runaways. If they come across them, they will bring them in. As harsh as it sounds, the cops have better things to do. The time an officer wastes on V might be time away from a serious traffic accident or responding to a 911 call.

My heart aches for you (and your other sons). It is so hard to watch a friend put through this and not being able to do anything about it! As hard as it it, you need to re-focus on the other boys at home. They still need their dad. Let natural consequences run their course with V.

I also think maryland had an intriguing idea. What would happen if you flatly refused to bring him home from detention. We had a similar case here recently and the young lady ended up with CPS. In your case, maybe CPS could do as maryland poited out and get him into an RTC. They worst they could do is hit you for child support, which would be cheaper than paying for an RTC out-of-pocket.

Call me anytime you need to vent.

Mike

[lucyjoy]

Is V off probation? If not, the court can recomment he be place somewhere like inpatient rehab. Cops here won't chase or pick up people at 17.

This part of parenting is tough.

[crick]

Any word yet?