[AmyAnne]

Those of us with Preteens, or kids who have the preteen ATTITUDE, regardless of age, I know are in the same boat. A boat that gets swamped with drama and tears and glaring and backtalk that we constantly have to bail out to keep from going under!

So here's your place to vent.

Today was particularly bad, likely because school will be starting on Wednesday. Let's back up here.... Last night, Austin asked us if he could sketch on his walls in pencil. he is quite a good artist and we figured what the heck, it's a good creative outlet, we can paint over it, okay, sure. He was given 4 conditions: 1. Only on the yellow part of the wall (so, no drawing on the door, ceiling, trim, windows) 2. No crayon, marker, pen 3. Nothing gory, scary or violent and 4. NO WRITING ON THE WALL, just drawing.

I walked into his room this morning, he's drawn a very lovely knight... except he's cut another guy's leg off in battle (you can only see the shoe lying next to the knight it's not like he was gross) and the knight has a cartoon thoought bubble, in which HE HAS WRITTEN. Jeff will be painting over it, which is what he was told would happen if he did this.

The morning continued with a lot of babyish-voiced backtalk. Low level stuff, nothing huge. But enough to make me feel like I was slowly being nibbled to death by sparrows or something.

At the pool, he climbed the fence and left the pool area, then was throwing a tennis racket into the air and letting it crash to the ground. It's pool property, so I made him return it.

When we got home he wanted a snack and asked if he could have an apple and peanut butter. I measured out 1 serving of peanut butter. I do this because 1. we were going to dinner in an hour and I didn't want him to wreck his appetite and 2. Left to his own devices, he would eat half the jar of peanut butter in one sitting. I came back, he'd gotten MORe peanut butter.

He then stated he was deliberately breaking rules because he felt they were stupid rules to begin with. I replied that it seemed we had given him too much freedom. He was then made to walk to our dinner outing instead of biking (we were walking anyhow, it's a 25 minute walk. It's not horrible) He was rude at dinner.

He lied about brushing his teeth. Insisted he was NOT the person who peed all over the back of the toilet in his bathroom, that incidentally he is the ONLY PERSON who uses that bathroom. He had to be told repeatedly to go to bed, and then was caught sneaking books into the bathroom and reading.

I am beyond annoyed.

[aspenhall]

Hi, has your son been posessed by my daughter?
I swear I could have written that post!
Tonight while eating dinner and cotton candy at the local fair and listening to a rather famous country singer...my dd accused me of "human torture"...she wanted to go home and pout and I was making her stay at the fair!

She refused to eat dinner OR cotton candy/snow cones and kept bawling and crying about how I was torturing her.

I told her if she didn't have anything nice to say than she was grounded from speaking. DH had gotten so fed up with the lousy snotty attitude, that he took off and left me there with her.


....then as we walked home...I saw the FULL MOON!

[Peggy]

As a mother of a 16 year old I still have plenty of drama, but am beyond happy to be looking back at 11 through 14. Good Luck, they were heck for me.

[aMarylandfamily]

Yes, at age 16 there are some nicer periods mixed in but some of the attitude which literally seems to erupt overnight after a long good spell carries on ...

Important thing we learned (some the hard way to start) is establish ground rules and consequences and while it may affect your life til some settles out be consistent and do whatever your words say even if said in haste and anger (all parents do do that now and then!). Don't give it too much outwardly attention at the same time as that is the inner goal is to get your attention and focus on the negative and you inflicting the "pain" allows the child to escape the phase he is entereing wherein he is responsible for himself - if punished like a 9 year old he doesn't have to act as a 12 year old (hoping that makes some sense).

Good luck and we're here to support you ...

[kretzklan]

Ahhh...I guess the truth is we have three pre-teens - although DS1 turns 13 on Monday. Our first official teen - and I'm actually excited to be moving on (let's see 8 years and 8 months until #3 is done with school...I can do it....I can do it!!!

So, DS1 has gotten reallly bad about talking to us. I pointed out yesterday that arguing is talking (after he told me that he 'just isn't a talker') and he says "Well, I can argue because sometimes you say things that you need to know are wrong. Plus arguing doesn't take as long as having a conversation...I just don't want to have a conversation". He got a birthday card from his great grandma and I told him to call her and have a chat - you would have thought I'd KILLED him. When he asked what's he's getting for his birthday - I replied "a chance to talk with mom and dad"...yeah, that went over well. Last night we were at a baseball game - which he is TOTALLY into...and the girl came by throwing the free jerseys and he yelled "It's my birthday" - to try to get one. The guy in front of us turned around and asked if it was really his birthday and he told him Monday. This gentlemen looks at him and says "I see a lot of good in you and I'd like you to have this" - it was a ticket with a picture of DS1's favorite player (a catcher like him) and it was signed by the player. I saw the guy get the signature before the game. As my son stands there dumbfounded, the man looks at him and says "this is where you tell me something about yourself...it's good practice for real life". DS1 was good and chatted for a minute and thanked him profusely, as did I! In the car later, when we'd met back up with DH and DD, DS1 says "I guess talking to people can be a good thing". This man teaches him something in 10 seconds that we've been trying to do for 2 years????!!!!

DS2 is simply losing his mind - I can never tell if it's RAD or pre-teen brain...a mixture I suppose???

Well...DD is something for another thread I'm sure!

[Barksum]

Ah, speaking. You'll think I'm crazy, but I do kind of wish my preteen son would talk. He thinks it all in his head, but it doesn't come out of his mouth. I'm supposed to telepathically know what he wants me to understand/do/respond to. This has always been an issue, and I think it stems from the FASD stuff, but he's very bright and can talk about some things (video games!) very well, but other things, not so well. LOL

Then my teen does get snarky...but she is doing better. We're getting into the older teen years now, so I think that's helpful.

[momraine]

I think my dd fits in this catagory. She is only ten, but going on sixteen. Part of the problem is that now that we are homeschooling her main source of socialization, is church, where there are very few girls her age (lots younger and older, just something about her age group and it's the largest church in town) Homeschooling is tough. She will collapse in tears if she doesn't understand something or throw her papers, then she won't listen to me try to explain. Sometimes she will sit there with her arms crossed not paying any attention to what I am saying and showing her on the paper. One time when she was doing this I said, 1+1=2 do you understand that, she said NO. My 14 year old has still not hit puberty very hard yet, and is just at that age where he bursts into tears, which drives his brother and father mad. (combined with the facts that they have already accepted that he loves his ballet class and he begged to be allowed to take home ec and most of his friends are girls) Anyway, the tears are a little annoying now that he is in high school. My 16 year old is having moments of incredible maturity, but also moments of arguing with me. M has his own issues, but though he is nine and in third grade, his maturity level is closer to 4. So no pre-teen issues there.

[Barksum]

Homeschooling and the non-responsive child. I feel your pain, Momraine! When my Ds pitches a during school, I either go silent, or put everything in a pile and walk away. For some reason, even though he didn't want to do the work, having ME say that he can't do it but must sit at the table until he's ready to do it drives him nuts. He'll beg and plead to do it, but I usually take a break for me. Five or ten minutes. Then I sit down and try again. If he is still being all , I put everything back into the pile and silently get up again.

I do try to take mini breaks between classes so he can get a drink, run up and down the driveway, etc. I also make sure that I watch for signs that he's getting frustrated. When he starts showing those signs we pause and he has some cheese and crackers, or milk and grahams or something. Then we start up again. Often when he's most frustrated it is because he's been working for a bit and his blood sugar sometimes dips down, I think. Whatever the cause, a brief pause and a small protein/carb snack usually does it.

[lucyjoy]

Mine talks in spurts. If we are watching a movie, he talks nonstop cause he thinks we require a translator apparently.

Yestertay's response to how was school got, "Can I have permission to punch someone?" I think not

His newest thing is to tell me that he is right an all other people are wrong an neet to think his way(oh wait, maybe he got that from his mother...) Oh, an I'm a mom/girl an so I just have no clue about how things are.

An my favorite-"I have to to everything! You act like I'm your slave!" (that woult be his response to walk the pups or give them water)

Unfortunately for this little sweetie, mommy has lots of practice at this!

[jessnboys]

What I don't get is the sudden switch in attitude. He was very helpful about cleaning up the house for company. Then about an hour after we were done, he sneaks his DS into his room to play instead of asking if he could play it. Then he bursts into tears about how he never has any time to talk to me...So I'm hugging him, trying to talk to him. He doesn't have anything to talk about, doesn't want to talk. He just wants the time? Nope. He wants to take a nap. (he's 10) I was excited to be done with 9, but I like 10 less so far!!!!