[leahcar]

Hi everyone. I've been lurking for many months. I posted when we first started our adoption classes for book suggestions. You offered up the hurt child, toddler weaver and 3 Little Words (I had already read that one) and I quickly read them all. I especially found the hurt child book insightful.

Anyway, classes wrapped up in June and a couple weeks ago we received word that our homestudy was completed and approved! We've been emailing it out to agencies like crazy.

Anyway, we had a caseworker send us a video of a girl today. Ugh, as if looking at their photos online is heartbreaking enough, now a video, right?! :-) We were originally thinking of a child under 8 (just one), but are now considering moving that up to 10 or 12. We aren't sure about jumping right into that mass of hormones, but we haven't ruled it out. The little girl in the video is 12.

Anyway, this got me thinking... what types of questions would you advise we ask caseworkers about potential children?

[Barksum]

Here's a small sampling. I know others will have more!!

1) Why, exactly, is the child in foster care?

2) How long has the child been in care?

3) How many foster homes? If there have been a few, find out the reasons for each move. You'll want specific facts for the moves, not vague answers. (A vague answer is, "Through no fault of the child the foster family just couldn't maintain the placement so the child had to be moved.")

4) Does the child have siblings? If yes, why are they recruiting for the children separately? Again, get facts.

5) Does the child understand that the state is looking for an adoptive home for them? Do they want to be adopted? If yes, why? If no, why?

6) What grade is the child in? How are they doing academically? Again, go for answers with quantifiable and factual answers. ("She gets B's and C's and the teacher's comments on her report card indicate that she gets along with classmates." Not, "She is doing really well.")

[Mkuhlmann06]

Here's a list of question I had gotten off a thread several years ago (wish I knew who to give credit to!):

1. Environment/background/care
· Why is this child not living with their biological parents?
· How old was the child when they came into care? · Siblings?
· Biological family medical background?
· What is known about the birth parents?
· What has the child been told about their bio family?
· What was the last contact with them?
· Any continued contact with friends, family members, etc?
· Number of previous placements?
· Why did the child have to move?
· Has the child shown ability to bond with care giver? Teacher? Other children in the home?
· Can we speak to current/previous care givers?
· Cultural background?
· Religious affiliation?

2. Functioning in the family
· How have they adjusted to this home?
· How do they handle routine expectations / chores?
· How are they about expressions of affection, about touching?
· Do they prefer men to women, women to men?
· How do they take care of possessions?
· How well do they get along with other children in the household?
· Do they prefer same age, younger or older play mates?
· What is a typical day like for them?
· What type of discipline works best for them?
· What doesn't work for them?
· What problems have occurred at home that you feel we should be aware of and how did you handle them?
· Have there been any behaviors such as wetting the bed, aggression, terrible nightmares etc.

3. Self

• What kinds of feelings does the child have about themselves?
• How does the child handle failure, stress, happiness, anger, pain, anxiety?
• Is the child aggressive towards caregivers or other children?
• What strengths does the child have?
• Does the child have a nickname?
• How well do they communicate?
• Can they talk about their feelings?
• Are there specific things they are afraid of?
• How do they handle these fears?
• What is their experience with animals (dogs, cats, etc.)?

4. Interests/Play

• What do they like to do with their spare time?
• Play alone or with others?
• What kind of play do they avoid?
• Special interests, favorite toys, favorite TV shows?
• Specific likes/dislikes?
• Any sports or organized activities?

5. School

• Academically, are they strong, average, weak?
• How well do they get along with teacher, other kids?
• Any areas of concern or struggle?
• IEP in place? If so, why?
• Learning disorders?

6. Medical

• How is the child's physical and emotional health?
• Physical health – shots up-to-date?
• Regular dental care?
• Hearing/vision status, need glasses?
• Allergies?
• On any medications?
• Doctor's name and phone?
• Any on-going medical issues?

7. Developmental Levels

• Developmental levels

– Social/emotional
– Cognitive
– Gross motor, fine motor
– Adaptive

• Psychological diagnosis?
• Neurological diagnosis?
• Is the child in therapy? How often?
• Therapist's name and phone?
• What has the child been told regarding sex?
• Any sexual acting out? If so, how/when does it occur?

8. Eating Routines

• Are there any feeding difficulties, table problems?
• Is the child a picky eater?
• Eating habits changed?
• Likes/Dislikes?

9. Sleeping Routines

• Bed wetting? Nightmares? Sleepwalk?
• Bed time routine? Difficult to get to sleep?
• Sleep with a special object?

10. Self Care

• Dress themselves, pick out clothing?
• Bathe themselves, tooth brushing, hair care?

11. Adoption Issues

• What does the child understand about adoption? Foster care?
• Has the child mentioned what they would like in a family?
• Has the child been told about adoption and what that would mean to their situation?
• When it is time to move the child, are there any items that you may already know we will need to have in our home? (Items like bikes, scooters, toys, etc.)
• Is there anything you would like to know about us to help you prepare the child when the time comes?

[Howdy]

Originally Posted by leahcar

what types of questions would you advise we ask caseworkers about potential children?

In addition to asking the caseworker questions, I found it very information to ask for the current foster parent's phone number and talk to them. But, a few times the current foster parent was very inexperienced (first timers) and frankly the information from them was not accurate. But when the child was with an experienced foster parent I got really interesting and helpful information.

[leahcar]

Thank you! Your responses are very helpful.

[jeffw]

If the child has washed out of multiple foster homes then I would also suggest talking with past foster parents. The current home is the one that they didn't get displaced from. Is it because the kid is better or is it because the current foster home turned their brain off by setting them in front of the television for 16 hours a day? Case workers will usually tend to place the blame for moves on the foster parents so it is good to get the foster parent's side of the story. For example, our kids were moved several times after their foster parents were investigated for possible physical abuse, i.e. spanking. Yes, they should not have spanked the kids. They knew better. But what about these kids, exactly, drove them to the point of feeling like they needed to do it anyway.

[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by Mkuhlmann06

Here's a list of question I had gotten off a thread several years ago (wish I knew who to give credit to!):

1. Environment/background/care
· Why is this child not living with their biological parents?
· How old was the child when they came into care? · Siblings?
· Biological family medical background?
· What is known about the birth parents?
· What has the child been told about their bio family?
· What was the last contact with them?
· Any continued contact with friends, family members, etc?
· Number of previous placements?
· Why did the child have to move?
· Has the child shown ability to bond with care giver? Teacher? Other children in the home?
· Can we speak to current/previous care givers?
· Cultural background?
· Religious affiliation?

2. Functioning in the family
· How have they adjusted to this home?
· How do they handle routine expectations / chores?
· How are they about expressions of affection, about touching?
· Do they prefer men to women, women to men?
· How do they take care of possessions?
· How well do they get along with other children in the household?
· Do they prefer same age, younger or older play mates?
· What is a typical day like for them?
· What type of discipline works best for them?
· What doesn't work for them?
· What problems have occurred at home that you feel we should be aware of and how did you handle them?
· Have there been any behaviors such as wetting the bed, aggression, terrible nightmares etc.

3. Self

• What kinds of feelings does the child have about themselves?
• How does the child handle failure, stress, happiness, anger, pain, anxiety?
• Is the child aggressive towards caregivers or other children?
• What strengths does the child have?
• Does the child have a nickname?
• How well do they communicate?
• Can they talk about their feelings?
• Are there specific things they are afraid of?
• How do they handle these fears?
• What is their experience with animals (dogs, cats, etc.)?

4. Interests/Play

• What do they like to do with their spare time?
• Play alone or with others?
• What kind of play do they avoid?
• Special interests, favorite toys, favorite TV shows?
• Specific likes/dislikes?
• Any sports or organized activities?

5. School

• Academically, are they strong, average, weak?
• How well do they get along with teacher, other kids?
• Any areas of concern or struggle?
• IEP in place? If so, why?
• Learning disorders?

6. Medical

• How is the child's physical and emotional health?
• Physical health – shots up-to-date?
• Regular dental care?
• Hearing/vision status, need glasses?
• Allergies?
• On any medications?
• Doctor's name and phone?
• Any on-going medical issues?

7. Developmental Levels

• Developmental levels

– Social/emotional
– Cognitive
– Gross motor, fine motor
– Adaptive

• Psychological diagnosis?
• Neurological diagnosis?
• Is the child in therapy? How often?
• Therapist's name and phone?
• What has the child been told regarding sex?
• Any sexual acting out? If so, how/when does it occur?

8. Eating Routines

• Are there any feeding difficulties, table problems?
• Is the child a picky eater?
• Eating habits changed?
• Likes/Dislikes?

9. Sleeping Routines

• Bed wetting? Nightmares? Sleepwalk?
• Bed time routine? Difficult to get to sleep?
• Sleep with a special object?

10. Self Care

• Dress themselves, pick out clothing?
• Bathe themselves, tooth brushing, hair care?

11. Adoption Issues

• What does the child understand about adoption? Foster care?
• Has the child mentioned what they would like in a family?
• Has the child been told about adoption and what that would mean to their situation?
• When it is time to move the child, are there any items that you may already know we will need to have in our home? (Items like bikes, scooters, toys, etc.)
• Is there anything you would like to know about us to help you prepare the child when the time comes?

This is an awesome list. I need to write this down!

[Barksum]

Just thought about when we were inquiring about kids, and the questions we asked, etc.

Sometimes it isn't even so much the questions you are asking, but the tone of the responses. One time we were talking to the current FM and the child's CW via conference call. Every question I asked the FM and the CW would confer and then they'd give me a bland kind of bare bones response. No filling in the blanks, no giving more info about the question, just the exact answer to the question - after a hurried and whispered conference together. ?? We ended up dropping out of consideration for that child for other reasons, but the whole tone of that conference was...odd.

Some FM's are happy to share info and will give all kinds of extras as well the facts. Other foster families don't want to talk with prospective adoptive families...and this may/may not be a red flag.

If a CW keeps refering to the paperwork and doesn't share anything about the visits they've shared (the cw and the child) it makes me wonder. If the CW talks in a monotone about the child, that makes me wonder, too. I mean...what, this child elicits no emotional response in the CW? Disgust, affection, loathing, amusement, frustration...? Same goes for the foster families and any other professionals you get to talk to.

Sometimes I would ask questions based on the tone or emotional response that the person seemed to have. Sometimes I felt stonewalled, like that phone conference with the CW and the FM.

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by leahcar

Anyway, this got me thinking... what types of questions would you advise we ask caseworkers about potential children?

1) Any history of animal abuse, fire starting, acting out sexually on other children, cutting, physical violence? (the first two are always deal breakers for me, the last three it depends. With Little Guy in my home I'd have to say no.)

2) Are they potty trained? (and, yet, I have Little Guy who isn't!)

3) Does the placement social worker think this is a good fit?

4) What exactly do they mean when they say things like, "picks fingers when nervous" (could actually be cutting), "occasionally has soiling issues" (could be a whole lot more than an "accident"), "is reported to have had seizure" (I had one respite placement like that---imagine my shock when it turned out the child had a MAJOR seizure disorder.)?

5) I've also learned to question medications. For instance I had a child placed with me who was on adderal for "ADHD". I accepted for an adoptive placement.....then found out the hard way the "ADHD" she had was actually a personality disorder and the placement ended because I could no longer safely (for her or her sibling) and she'd been hospitalized for "psychosis". Just knowing what others did know, would have made such a HUGE difference in my success with the placement....and the medication should have been my first clue.

6) For older children, do they WANT to be adopted and has there been any pre-adoptive counseling to help prepare them for the transition?