[Barksum]

I got a book from the library about 'parenting the ADD child' and they have some helpful suggestions, but I'm pretty tired of doing ninety million things and making big changes and printing up charts,
and cooking special food,
and talking a certain way,
and only looking from the sides of my eyes,
and using all organic deodorants (that don't work, btw),
and toothpaste that is certified OK,
and soap without harmful chemicals.
and juice only from the one Yum-yum tree in the world for snacks,
and standing on my head,
and giving supplements from a hundred different extracts,
and only driving cars with wooden wheels,
and having special pencil grips,
and cushie chair seats,
and walls painted a certain color,
and all photo charts for the non-readers/visual learners,
and ... and... and...
and still having a kid who can't walk from Point A to Point B and remember what he's doing.

So before I implement a whole new round of Rousingly Wonderful Ideas for Kids With Issues, anyone got a list of really sure-fire ideas for helping kids keep track of themselves and their responsibilities? Seriously, if you have one or two things that you've found to be truly helpful, would you share?

[ajjhmf]

Honestly, not too much. We do try to keep an all natural diet, which does seem to help the crazy hyperness, but are really no further on the responsibility area. Cutting the processed sugars and dyes made the biggest difference. We have list of the order things need to happen in depending on what we are doing (like getting ready for school, getting ready for bed, getting ready for an activity), but he still needs to remember to read the list. We have also labeled the drawers in his room so he can put his stuff away. But I still sort it for him as that is too much to handle. I've found the best success in just keeping the tasks small and, sadly, not asking or expecting too much.

From what I've been reading, the behavior-management methods they recommend for ADHD/ADD don't really work on FASD kids. Their "ADHD" is a physical deficit rather than a chemical one, which may be why FASD kids don't have too much success with medications and traditional treatments.

[Barksum]

Yeah, we have to kind of approach things from a "Coaching" perspective. Reminders to look at the list, to remember what you were doing, etc. I try (really, really!!) to do this nicely, but after the 450th time sometimes I get a little short and snippy.

The other kids need things too, and I'm just...tired. I do have one who is more ADHD, and one who's just (HA! JUST!!) ADD-ish. I do think that both of those kiddos have issues that stem from FASD, since we have other areas besides the ADD/HD stuff that we deal with. And you're really right; it is a physical disability vs. a chemical imbalance.

[ajjhmf]

Originally Posted by Barksum

I try (really, really!!) to do this nicely, but after the 450th time sometimes I get a little short and snippy.

I'm right there with you. Seriously, there are days I just want to bang my head on a brick wall and cry. It's the whole repeating it over and over again that's killing me. Seriously, how many times do I have to cover "WE DON'T CLIMB ON TOP OF THE VAN!"

[jessnboys]

I'm going to follow this closely. We just started M on a stimulant because after the move he went from regressing a bit to over the top regressing on behaviors and lack of self-control. He can't stay on task long enough to dress himself. We are on day 5 on the stimulant with a slight increase to attention, but there is a side bonus of decreased emotional control.
Has anyone had more success with one med over another?

[mommytoEli]

i'm not sure....homeschooling has been helping for us. but i know that is a bit extreme for most people.

[greenrobin]

Not my proudest parenting moment, but I did write things on N's hand with marker to help him get from A to B and recall what he was supposed to do en route.

And, for the record, I don't think there are enough times to tell them something, because by the time you tell it, they've thought up another 1,204 things they can do instead and have already tried the first 3.

I'm reading too--I need to know!

[Barksum]

LOL I used a safety pin and pinned a note to Ds's sleeve, and would change it when he got that job done. I was afraid if I wrote on his hand he'd think that was a great idea and write all over himself - and the other kids!

We've just moved him to a different bed, partly because he's drilled holes in the ceiling and the wall on the side of where his bed used to be. He drew, etched lines, and all kinds of things all over the wall. Oh, he peeled the sheetrock paper off, so there's larger areas that now have to be remudded along with the areas where he put holes all the way through the sheetrock. WHY???!! He was 'bored'. (He was on the top bunk, thus could reach the ceiling.)

The stress lessened when we took everything out of their room except the beds. Right now they're in sleeping bags, but we'll try sheets and blankets again soon. Baby steps, right??? RIGHT?! (MY stress over their trashed room got better.)

We have noticed that he does do better with his copywork assignments if he listens to classical music, no words, on the cd player. With headphones. It now usually only takes 40 minutes to copy the 5 lines instead of 2 hours.

[lucyjoy]

Food additives are the biggy for the adhd and the focus. Corn syrup is a horrid thing.

Not sure how old this child is. I had mine come up with their own ideas for how to remember. I have them write down things they need to remember. I think it helps. (I have to write things down-I don't have to read them after writing them, I just have to write them to get them into my brain correctly) I did this with my fas son as well. Eventually, they do have to figure this out casue I'm not making their lists and following up when they're 30.

[Barksum]

LOL Lucy. Yep, that's the thing. Trying to find what is the best tool for them to use and making sure they've read all the instructions and wear safety glasses while using that tool. (Wait...was channeling "New Yankee Workshop" there for a minute! )

Ages: My ADHD kiddo is 5, doesn't read or write yet. (One has to be semi-still for doing those things, after all.) The other who isn't hyper and just ADD-ish is 11. We are making progress...it's just slow and we have speed bumps. Or dips in the road, depending on the day!

Actually, the 5yo is making some small progress in the tantrum dept. We work hard to keep him occupied and fed on schedule so that we avoid the nasty little bugger who takes over when we aren't ultra-uber-careful. He's sleeping a bit better in general and then only threw a few toys today, and not far. He has been known to throw like a major league pitcher when he's really out of control, but today it was more he just threw them down on the floor, not across the room. I felt that was progress. I can say this here because I am comfortable that I'm not going to get a lecture about 1) if I were just better at being consistent my kids would be fine, or 2) my kids have no problems other than what I imagine them to have.

Today my 5 yo also did back off from screaming "I HATE YOU!!" to just saying it in a soft, annoying way, then down to saying, "I don't like you", and - when prompted - to say, "I don't like what you did to me". Now THAT was progress.

[Sdirector]

We found with my daughter that reducing sugar has been a real help. Particularly processed sugar and corn syrup. It is extremely noticable! This in addition to her medications. It is strange... you can see it in her when she gets up in the morning, and after her morning meds are on board (she gets them when she gets up), after about 45 minutes, she is completely different.

[angelkisses0102]

Well, for my ADHD daughter, almost 8 and entering 3rd grade soon...Vyvanse is a miracle drug. While she is 'off the charts' for impulsivity and near the top for activity, as well as oppositional...she has nothing else going on other than being highly intelligent. So for her/us...she's a straightforward case...as long as we keep the intelligence level in mind (which creates all sorts of other issues.)

We don't medicate in the summer...so I just keep my expectations low. The pedi feels because she is so aware of her ADHD...she will work it all out on her own (meaning no more meds) at a young age.

She gets a pretty healthy diet...and when all else fails...she drinks some caffiene.

Now, DS, just turned 6...he's a whole 'nother story. I haven't figured him out at all...and he's got all sorts of other 'stuff' going on...some days I don't even know where to start. My guess is we are dealing with multiple layers with him and we are currently working on the pain associated with his JRA.

There are some ideas here...ADHD Message Boards: Parents of ADHD Children Message Board

Good luck and sorry I couldn't offer much.

[ladyjubilee]

Originally Posted by Barksum

So before I implement a whole new round of Rousingly Wonderful Ideas for Kids With Issues, anyone got a list of really sure-fire ideas for helping kids keep track of themselves and their responsibilities? Seriously, if you have one or two things that you've found to be truly helpful, would you share?

Eeek....well, I've only done foster placements with ADD kids...and Little Guy may have some hyperactivity. The thing I don't notice so much because I'm ADD. Ok, I'm severly LD with auditory-visio processing disorders, dyslexic and attention deficit disorder-inattentive. Sooooo, I don't notice so much. I think the big thing is now and as a child the more pressure someone put on me, the more I mess/messed up. I went without interventions until high school when I ran into my arch nemisus--the bubble test.

I don't know if it might help to have an "insider's" view, but here's the kind of thing I experience. People will tell me something, do this, do that---it may well be important to me at the moment...then something comes up and whatever it was just doesn't exist for me anymore. Just doesn't exist...then they come back mention it and I was in trouble.....I currently put everything work related on a calendar reminder---I document EVERYTHING....otherwise, well, I need my job.

When I write sometimes I specifically remember writing a full sentence, paragraph or chapter----and when I re read it I read that sentance, paragraph or chapter! But it will turn out that I didn't. This even happened in my thesis and dissertations.

I don't always see what other people see. I literally don't see the mess or the problem they see. It just doesn't exist.

I have absolutely no concept of time. From what I can tell most people can judge the difference between 1 minute, 5 minutes or an hour---I can't. I all feels the same to me. Unless there is an outside indicator such as a digital clock or shift in the sunlight I just don't sense the time difference. Since I'm dyslexic I can't tell time on an analog clock either! As a foster parent this makes meds a real challenge for which I have back ups on back ups on back ups.

Things other people see as high priority have equal weight to me with things that others see has low priority. To them its distraction, to me its equally important. On the other hand, some things other people see as vital I just don't get. For instance, why is it embarrassing if a child throws a tantrum in public? I just don't get it.

On the other hand, I multitask well. To relieve stress while studying, I read three books at a time. Some things that other people can't focus on, I can (I'm great at getting out tangles, terrible at cleaning a room!). Since I miss half of what people say anyway, I do great at other languages. I've had to learn to figure out what people are saying to me Lack of impulse control has meant several big adventures--one day I picked up the phone and moved to Scotland for post grad studies. I do really well at essays and excel in research.....but somehow even if I think the right answer on a direct question by the time it reaches my pen its wrong.

There are some things that kind of work. If I make myself touch everything on a piece of paper as I answer, then go back and retouch with the answer and do it again I don't leave so many blanks. Computer tests that will not allow up to miss an answer just about resolve this problem.

Charts didn't work for me, and wouldn't work. See, when I'm doing something I have to know the chart exists for me to get that reward. When I'm distracted things like a chart just don't exist.....sooo, I'd be going along thinking I was doing what I should, then someone would bring up the dreaded chart. I dreaded because I was never going to measure up. I was great for other kids, but for me it was just one more thing that was passing me by.....which if I take the time to be self reflective just made whatever was on the chart an even lower priority because not only was the reward delayed, it was a reward I probably wasn't going to get anyway.

Which happened a lot. I got a lot of if you do this, you'll get this......of course, I'd get distracted and never do this, so I never got this. Those rewards included things like playing soccer, going shopping, going out with friends. Sooooo, I have no interest in playing sports, gong out or hanging with friends. Why have an interest you're never going to get to do? That lack of exposure intensified by interest in my distractions.

Routines do work for me. Not rigid routines, but things where my body and habit can just take over. Well, actually, let me change that, its not routines so much as patterns. I don't do well at all with doing x at such and such time (which is why all the backups for meds). But I do with patterns where I follow through a set of steps. Flexible steps that I control. Rigid steps that someone else controls and where I'm going to run into problem (ie, someone's going to remind me yet again I screwedup) just make me more nervous, which makes me more distracted and makes it worse. However, even with clear steps I've stilled ended up with the remote in the refrigerator and the milk in the livingroom.

Any how, that's what it was like for me.

[shy_bear]

I am so there!! How many times can I tell my 8 yr old you have to look for cars before you cross the street! Keeping her room clean and flushing the toilet are things I have given up on....
How sad is it that I am SO looking forward to school starting b/c she can get back on her meds!!! She has gained 8lbs this summer; which has put her up to 50lbs. For me just getting back in to the routine of school will help her; a strict schedule is key for her. We have had so much going on this summer there has been no schedule at all.

[Barksum]

YES! Sometimes I'm fine with the 1001 little things and adjustments/reminders/etc., other times it's overwhelming for ME. Ds is happy as a lark...until I ask if he's done his chores!

Has anyone done vision therapy? Or had their child screened for Irlens? (or been screened themselves?)