[Indy]

V was released last Thursday from juvenile detention. We spent the next 6 days together, trying to reconnect. On Tuesday, I took him to Job Corps. That has to be one of the saddest days of my life. I know it was not one of V's best days either. It was as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. It still hurts to walk by his room.

Last night, I received a call from L's caretaker. He ran away. They had been having problems with him for a couple of weeks. They had kept it from me, as they knew I was under extreme pressure. This morning, L was on my front porch. His biggest thing was having rules to live by. So I gave him a choice, resolve the issues with the caretaker or go to a homeless shelter. He chose the shelter. I think he didn't believe I would do it. I dropped him off there at noon.

Some of you may be aware (if you have facebook), I was rear ended in the jag last week. So I had to deal with the insurance company and body shop today. AND I found out that C had backed the van into a mailbox while I was gone last week.

I am afraid to ask what else can happen.

[po]

Things could get worse I guess. Last year my husband bought a car while I was in the hospital. They did not give him the papers at the time of sale, computer was down. Several months later dealership closed and it was a big one. I kept arguing with the bank over the payments and wanted to know what we owed. they would tell me nothing. I have finally found out that the dealership forged his name on the papers and added 4,000 more to the price of the car. The bank gave a loan of 18,000 for a car worth 7,000. We have filed a police report. Fraud allerts have been placed on all accounts. At the same time I am trying to get a partial release to sell 2 acres off the farm. The bank if refusing to give us permission even though the money will be going to them. We would still have 58 acres and the main house and barn which are worth much more than we owe them. Our benefits have been cut, we have had a large loss of income and I can't afford to keep things as they are. I want to get the house paid off so we don't have to worry about that big house payment each month. I have gone through all of our savings. Next week I am having a double knee replacement . I will pray for your family and you pray for mine. My husband is suffering severe depression also.

[aMarylandfamily]

... here I was feeling sorry for myself as after several good weeks/months ds and I have not had a good couple of weeks - thinks I'm the "b*tch of all" - and I'm not sure I see it getting any better soon.

Know hugs, caring and prayers too are with you both above and any who decide to post below - this board is so good for always being there even when you don't know you are!

[lucyjoy]

Life just hurts, sometimes. T chose the shelter over living by anyone's rules as well. It's hard not knowing where or how he is. But I couldn't live with him anymore then you could live with L. We both have other kids.

This coaster ride sucks. I hope life stops throwing these "bricks" at you soon.

[tybeemarie]

Indy,

I am sorry things are so hard. You are a very loving father, and I know your heart is broken. Your sons are lucky to have you.

In all his life, has anyone but you been sad to pass a room V has left? That is the tragedy--their early abuse and neglect made our kids difficult to live with, they lived with birth families unable to love them, and only grace makes us love kids who are in so many objective ways unloveable. Then we have to watch the consequences of all of this on the lives of the children we love, despite it all.

I know taking L to the shelter must have been difficult. How I wish we could somehow just WILL our kids into healthiness and attachment and good judgment!

Hugs to you!

[SAHmom]

Indy & po, hugs and prayers!

[Barksum]

(((hugs)))

[kay]

(((Hugs))), Indy. I was wondering about you last night, knowing that Tuesday had come and gone. Going to send a "what's up?" message, but then didn't end up even going on the computer (with my own drama.) I don't know if it helps at all knowing you're not alone in your heartache.
I'm praying that Job Corps will be a good thing for V - and I pray that L sees the light soon. And adding the van and C? Enough, already!!! Again, (((hugs))) and caring.

[momraine]

Hugs to all my friends going through tough times with thier teens.

[Lorraine123]

In answer to your question - Does it ever get better? - Yes. In time the raw pain does lessen. Does it ever go away - no.

[kretzklan]

I'm sorry for all you have to deal with right now.

[saranbr]

Oh Indy, I'm sorry your week has been so difficult. I'm sure time before job corps was draining enough without adding the other stresses. As they say, when it rains it pours. I'll be praying for strengh and wisdom for you...

[Lylac]

Prayers and hugs!

[sassafras]

I feel like the world's biggest hypocrite posting to this. I am having that same feeling. But I will tell you what I try to tell myself and try to believe........their choices are their choices. We have tried to raise them well but they are their own people and we didn't get to start our raising them from the start. I try to believe it for me because it has become about self preservation as my friend Stacy says!