[wornout]

I have been reading a lot and think one of the things we need to do is build a (temporary ?) wall in our boys room.

Has anyone else had to do this?

I feel that ds4 has AD and we need to do this. Ds5 is doing great, but he has to sleep all over the house. He will spend a couple of nights with the bigger boys and a couple with the girls on a pallet. If we put him in the room with ds4, he starts acting out, by being ugly to me (mom) or pooping in his pants. But this does not seem to be an issue unless he is allowed to sleep with the other ds.

Him having his own room is not an option here. And the room they are sharing is not huge to begin with. But my dh can build a temp wall in the middle of the room. Ds5 still needs his own space. The bigger boys need time alone and will send him out. The girls will too. Then that leaves ds5 wandering the house. Because ds4 has issues with me so there are days when he will not even come out of his room.( yes we are working on this) So ds5 has no where to go. We have let ds4 sleep in other locations, but his attitude stinks so bad that noone wants to be around him. And he is such a wild sleeper that my dh and I cannot sleep with him. ( we have tried letting him sleep with us, or in our room, but we cant sleep when he is in the bed or the room)

Right now we have blankets and sheets hanging up in their room to divide it.

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

[Lorraine123]

I think that you need to do something asap. Since ds5 is having such huge reactions to sleeping in the same room as ds4, I would investigate further into what is happening at night. Also, in no way is it healthy for an attachment disordered child to dictate where everyone sleeps.

[wornout]

I truley dont beleive anything is happening at night. But when ds4 is not in one of his moods he wants to dominate who ds5 plays with. And its usually only himself. And ds4 will hide behind ds5 if I try to correct him or anything. So I feel that ds5 kinda falls back into the pattern they had before they came here, when they are left together alone at night.

Edited to add... At the former foster home, they stuck together a lot and ds5 was treated a little different(better) than ds4. So ds4 clung to ds5.

[lucyjoy]

I built temporary walls in bedrooms. You then need motion detectors or good alarms between them. It wasn't great, they were still too close together, and they could still aggreavate each other.

Pooping his pants as a result of sleeping in a room with his brother, however, is not something to take lightly.

Is it possible to split the room and have and have a different child share the split room with the AD child(perferably an older one?)

Another option is to tell the bigger boys "bummer" and put the healthier younger child into their room on a permanant basis.

Do you have a basement? We built rooms for our older kids in the basement when they wanted more space.

[aspenhall]

I would take this pretty seriously. Something triggers this and I don't think it's just attitude.

I'd also tell the older kids "TOO BAD"

[wornout]

I dont think that is fair to the other kids to tell them "too bad". Besides, that would make my situation worse. They would then be upset and might resent the one for the upheavel he is causing.

I really dont see how that would help anything.

[lucyjoy]

It's not fair to tell the other kids too bad? How fair is it to put the healthier of the two kids in an unsafe situation? How fair is it that this child has to move room to room? Why is he the only one needing to adjust? Sorry, but life is NOT fair and sometimes doing what's safe trumps pleasing everyone else.

[ajjhmf]

I'm really not sure what you are asking here. You sound angry at the older boy for regressing. He has a reason and kids don't do these things because they are feeling safe and happy. Obviously something is wrong and I would be willing to hazard a guess as to what given his pooping in his pants. At his age THIS is how he tells you he feels threatened.

You have 2 boys, close in age yet are putting the healthier one in either chaos or a situation that is sending him into turmoil. The younger boy needs his own room with a door and alarm. Rooms can be moved and children will adjust. They'll have to get over it. It's part of being in a family and if they resent the intrusion, then thats where you come in to help them.

Build a wall if you have too. We've enclosed our dining room. I know others who have built rooms in basements and so on. It's not right for a child to not have a place to sleep and call his own in your home. I hope you find a safe solution soon.

[wornout]

Well, what I was asking really, was if anyone else has had to do this? Or if anyone had any suggestions on what they had used, besides 2x4s and sheet rock. Sorry if I didnt make myself clear.

[Lorraine123]

Yes, use 2x4s and sheetrock or panelling. It needs to be sturdy as a real wall to keep the boys out of danger. With a real door and alarms.

[Prettyboicris]

I know there are some companies that will put in a temporary was for you but they can be aroudn $800. They are sturdy and you wouldnt know they were temporrary due to the quality of it which is why it is so much. I dont know if you want to spend that much but I figured I'd share that info.

[jeffw]

We looked into that. We have 10 & 11 year olds that were sharing a room. The 10 yo is RAD. He had a strangle hold on his brother. The RADlet would speak and think for the other. If the 11 y.o. crossed him then who knows what might happen to him or his stuff at night. Their room was wide enough for two twin beds but after putting a wall down the middle they would not have been able to walk beside the bed. We ended up adding on to the house. The RADlet was quite happy that his behavior landed him a brand new room. He is not so happy now. The new room is custom RAD-proof. There is nothing he can do in the room (he hasn't thought of breaking the window yet) that can cause trouble for anyone besides himself. It provides us a very nice place to keep him during those times when he isn't safe and we can't spend time with him.

[wornout]

We have not had problems with ds4 being violent or messing with anyone elses things or anything to warrent a door alarm. He just wont come out of the room! Because he knows if he does, he has to interact with me (mom). the reason we would like the wall in the room, is so the other ds5 could have his own space , because ds4 refuses to come out and so because of his attitude, we dont want ds5 around him.

[PabloandCarlosMama]

I haven't had experience with building walls between a room, but have had experience with my older child, who has since been diagnosed with RAD, harming my younger one-- and that happened with an alarm, and other precautions in place. Please do whatever it takes to keep the children seperated. By their actions, they are telling you that they are not safe. It's not about fairness and happiness, it's all about safety. Holding a non-negotiable boundary of safety regardless of the inconveniences will send your new sons the message that their lives will be different in your home. Most children like ours have never known what it's like to be safe and protected--it's a strange concept--that they just have to see reinforced over and over.

I don't know anything about your family story, other than you said you thought your child had RAD, and had been reading many things. If you haven't already done so, get an attachment therapist for both children (even though your younger one is attaching to you) as soon as possible. This will help them, and it will help you understand what they're going through and how to parent them.

[Lorraine123]

A child does not start being uglyl to his mom and pooping his pants simply because his brother will not come out of the room. I know you don't want to hear it - but - something is going on between those two. DS5 does not feel safe. He is telling you that through his actions. Since this child does it when he sleeps in the room with DS4, that is obviously the trigger. Please do not have those two sleep in the room together as that is obviously what the child is trying to tell you. Alarms are the only way that DS5 will feel safe.