[kretzklan]

Has anyone ever had to fight for this? DS2 gets 'average' grades. I had him fully tested through the school district last year and he passed (kept out of sped) by one point. Honestly, it's not academics making me think about this...it's emotional/social. He's just not a 6th grader in any way, shape or form. I'm kicking myself for not enrolling him a grade down when he came home...now I know I'll have a huge fight on my hands to get them to listen. Our school got a new principal this year and it would be his decision...but how can he make that decision - he doesn't know DS2 from Adam???? So, if you fought for this due to emotional/social issues - what did you use that helped you or hurt you? His therapist is willing to write a letter saying that the extra year would be good for him for X, Y, and Z reason.
Another point is that I wrote a very long and explanatory letter about teachers for this year and I just found out that he got the one teacher that will ruin this year for him. No classroom control - no accountability and from what I know - I don't feel I could talk to him and have him understand. I'm so upset about that, it's probably playing in to the holding back thing a bit...
I don't know which way to pursue this.

[txwannabemom]

Find a teacher who will back you up if you can. Find documentation of his soc/emo challenges in the classroom. Documents from the therapists will help. Is it at all a choice to pull him & do private school where you will have more say?
You may have to insist that he have a different teacher, but it won't put you on anyones favorite parent list. Do it anyway. Your child is entitled to a good education that meets his individual needs. (says a teacher!)

[lovemy6]

My 26 years of parenting experience is that holding a kid back only gives them an extra year to go to school. It hasn't, in MY experience, helped kids. My kid who were immature socially as a 1st grader were still immature socially as a 12th grader...and even as an adult!

If he's doing well academically, let him go on into the next grade. Not all kids mature at the same level and boys are 99% of the time more immature anyway.

[Peggy]

Statistically it is supposed to have a negative impact after I think second grade, which is why teachers and schools are so reluctant to hold a child back. They would rather set up a social skills program or put a child in summer school. That being said, I was able to get my daughter held back a year for 8th grade, but she is already in a special needs school and had been out of school for almost a year due to hospitalizations and detention. Even then, it was at my request.

[Beach4]

As a teacher, I wouldn't hold a kid back for immaturity issues. Many kids are immature and we send them on. If he is academically on track, I would send him on. I would be more scared of him causing problems because he is bored if you retain him.
If you have a problem with a teacher, go request a change. I would write a short paragraph stating your concerns and take it to the principal. I would think that since school hasn't started yet it should be very easy to change classes.

On the other hand, if you really think that another year will help him academically, then hold him back. When I am thinking about retaining a student, I really weigh the pros and cons of retaining that student. Will another year really help him/her?

You know what is best for your child.

[kretzklan]

It's a tough situation for sure. It's not he's just immature. I don't even know if I can explain it well...I guess I just can't imagine him continuing to transition upward until we give him some time to be ready. I do have to say that I have been working with him this summer and we went back to last year's work and he does not remember any of it...I question how he passed. Is it NCLB - do they push for passing kids whether or not they are ready? I can't get him services since he's one point above the cut off and due to his attachment issues, I can't have him working with the school therapist unless I'm with him and they won't accomodate that. He has friends - so it's not that he's all alone...but he just doesn't know how to treat them...he's very angry and can show violence which, at his age, doesn't feel normal to me (not being able to control himself). In some ways I just want to give him another year to be with us...I can't imagine him leaving for the real world in the years he has left and one more could ease the fears about that. I guess I don't probably have a leg to stand on...I'm just genuinely scared for him.

[ajjhmf]

Our school doesn't like to hold back either, especially after the first grade.

One thing to consider is how hold your DS will be his senior year. Statistics show that the older a childis in their final year of high school, the more likely they are to drop out.

[lovemy6]

How old is he? What grade did he just finish?

[alexap]

Not a fan of kids being held back a grade. I was held back a grade as a child due to my shyness and it ended up hurting me because by the end of the school year, i ended up being 1 1/2-2 years older than most of the kids in my class. It made me feel insecure and not very intelligent. By the time graduation came around i was 19 and most of the kids were 17. The only good thing was that when i turned 18 in the middle of junior year, i got my own apartment. Of course, the other kids thought that was so cool and i was the life of the party
But then again this is just my experience so i'm kind of sensitive toward it. Perhaps being held back might be best for others depending on their situation.

[kretzklan]

He would still graduate at 18 - even being held back a year. He finished 5th grade this past year - but remember that he's only been in school since 3rd grade (he went to half of second with NO English - so only really doing school work since 3rd) - so for us, it's like his 2nd grade year. That's how long we've had to track him...

[crick]

Kretz - if he doesn't qualify for an academic IEP, and you think the school is going to fight you on the holding back issue, is there any way you could get him evaluated and placed on a behavioral IEP? Just wondering if that might be something that would help him and if he's on the IEP, the teachers would have to follow the plan established by you and the school. You could have his therapist involved in that process as well.

Just a thought?

[wordsmither]

Wow. I'm surprised at how many people are opposed to holding kids back, only because as we've been considering, EVERYONE we talked who had done so was very happy with the decision, and everyone who had considered it and hadn't done it regretted that they hadn't done it.

I have no advice on how to deal with the principal. I just wanted to encourage you to trust your gut - you kinow the situation the best.

[Nevada Jen]

We held our DD back in 1st grade and are holding her back again this year in 4th grade. She is very disabled now so I don't think she even understands. We faced no battle this time (which might be because DH and the principal are buddies). But the first time we had quite a battle. You need something to say besides social/emotional. If 1st grade we argued that dd was small for her age (25 pounds), that she had been wrongly placed in an MR classroom and had essentially missed an entire year of school, that she had missed a lot of school for medical reasons and that we thought she could be mainstreamed if she got an extra year of first grade (which seemed reasonable at the time).

If I were you I would argue that you are unsure of his actual age since he was internationally adopted (if I am remembering right) and that you believe is was placed in the wrong grade when he started his education in 3rd grade. He is now so far behind that he is one the verge of needing additional school services (a cost they could avoid by holding him back), he will still only be 18 when he graduates high school. Think of arguements that this will save the school money and arguement regarding his actual age. You may be surprised that the school will not put up any fight at all. You won't know unless you try.

[lovemy6]

I'm against it if it's for emotional/social reasons, bc some kids are just brain different and are never going to fit in or be socially average.

If the kids is doing ok academically, there is no reason to hold him back. Not every kid is going to be a genius and get A's and B's. So if his school work is average, and there are no concerns about reading and writing abilities, he should move forward. MY opinion of course.

Does this child have any attachment issues? Might he have Asperger's Syndrome? Does he have any medical conditions that might be causing him pain? I ask these things, bc they're all things that impeded my kids' ability to get along socially and emotionally with others in school.

Have you considered homeschooling him for a year?

[kretzklan]

Rad - yes...physical ailments with pain associated no...writing is a huge issue. For instance I gave him a worksheet yesterday (we do them in the summer to try to keep up) that had run on sentences and he was supposed to turn those into correct sentences. He simply re-wrote the exact run on and stuck periods in random spots. I had gone over the sheet with him and we went through the example, even discussing that some words may need to change to make correct sentences. He then melts down when I show him we'll work on it again. "I don't get it" "this is too hard"...that is how homework goes every night during school. His teacher said he was more competent in the classroom...but again - and I hate to say this - he's so sneaky and I just wonder if there was a lot of cheating going on?
DH and I decided that right now we are going to fight the teacher issue and I will spend next year gathering the data I need (from all fronts) to work on fighting to hold him back a year. I think I need more time to gather what I need. I love how they say they don't want to do it for social stigma...even when it's a child who is already so socially stigmatized! He's also TINY for his grade and gets teased a LOT about that...