[Original Mike]

I knew things were going too well for something NOT to go wrong.

This morning, I was talking to my sister on the phone and I told her about A and RC joining my family. She really made no comment, which is a huge improvement for her.

Then, she asked an odd question: "Are you still talking to those boys from Connecticut?" (meaning my nephews). I told her I was. Then she said "Well, you better just tell them good things about Dad." i told her I was not hiding anything from them and answering their questions. I told her they knew about Dad's bipolar issues, his abusive tendencies, and they way he always played favorites. Well, she came UNGLUED!!! She slammed the phone down on me.

Later, i get an email from her announcing that she no longer wants ANY contact with me. Her reasons are as follows:

1. My father thought I was a parasite who only used our family name to further myself.

2. Having a relationship with my nephews is Cruel and disrespectful to my mother, since they are not her grandchildren.

3. She is tired of her children being exposed to "undesirable teenagers" because of me and that I don't listen to her fears for her children because I "have never had a real child" (you have NO idea how much that hurt!)

4. She is tired of my "slanted opinions" about our father. Sorry, but I have told the truth.

I was stunned by the pure venom of her letter. In the past, she has usually held negative views of most foster kids, but this was just pure, dripping hate.

[momraine]

I am soooo sorry. I would want to kill her too. What mean things to say.

[Mkuhlmann06]

Mike - It will be your sister's loss not to get to know A and RC, as they would be great examples of why people should have positive views of foster kids! I am so sorry she made comments as hurtful as those which Im sure cut as deep as a knife.... hopefully you can move past what she said and concentrate on all the good you are doing with your four kids.

[aspenhall]

From someone who is somewhat estranged from family....I must say, YOU should have cut HER out of your life a LONG time ago...
It feels so good to be the one giving the kiss-off goodbye to a toxic relative...Blood doesn't always equal family.

[AmyAnne]

Oh, Mike I am SO SORRY To hear this!

[kay]

"Never had a real child?" Yeah, I do have an idea how much that hurt. I'm so sorry, Mike.

[kretzklan]

Family members can really suck sometimes. I have them too. I'm sorry she had to spew her verbal puke on you - both on the phone and through email. Immaturity can rub off - so good thing your boys won't be spending time with her!

[Drywall]

aspenhall.....your right...it feels good down to your toes to be the one saying good bye..."dont call me, Ill call you...."

I wish you the best

[Barksum]

So sorry your sister has reverted. I had been encouraged that lately she'd been a bit nicer and was settling down and growing up. (Since you hadn't shared any major attacks as had previously happened.)

I'm so sad for your relationship with your sister's kids as I know that you'd worked to have healthy and happy interactions with them in spite of the friction between you and your sister.

Would you like chocolate or rum?

[UnconventionalMom]

Originally Posted by aspenhall

From someone who is somewhat estranged from family....I must say, YOU should have cut HER out of your life a LONG time ago...
It feels so good to be the one giving the kiss-off goodbye to a toxic relative...Blood doesn't always equal family.

+1000. I'm so very sorry.

[po]

we can pick our friends, but not our relatives. Your sister must be related to my brother. We have not spoken for years and he turned his kids totally against me. I know how it hurts. You are better off and so are the boys with her out of your life.

[Dickons]

Original Mike,

Don't think I have ever talked to you before but...as an adoptee...guaranteed you are a real dad to your real kids and both you and your kids have real feelings.

Sorry for what you are dealing with.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Original Mike]

last night, the boys could see that something had me pretty upset. I gave them a sanitized version of the events. C was not surprised, though he can't understand her venom towards my nephews.

Later in the evening, I went out on the deck to watch the deer migrate across the back field (they do this every night at dusk). RC came out and sat with me. he told me that he felt bad for me and told me how he'd had experience with being looked down on because he was in foster care. he told me about not being invited to classmates' parties and being told by a girl's parents that he couldn't go out with their daughter because "he didn't have parents".

One thing I won't do is hide my boys like they are something shameful. My cousin's daughter is getting married in August and she has invited me, A, RC, and R. (Since C lives at his gf's on the weekends, he wasnt included.) A and RC have never been to a wedding before, so they are geeked up. My extended family has been nothing but supportive of my foster and adoption efforts, so we ARE going. I'll be very curious to see if my sister shows up. Right now, I'm betting $50 that she doesn't show. With the exception of one uncle who I don't talk to and a couple of cousins, most of my relatives think my sister is really a well, you can guess.

[crick]

Just keep your focus on the good and what's important. And you know what is truly important are the ones out on the deck with you last night.

As for the venom spewer...let her spew it amongst herself and she can choke on it.

[waited2long]

I'm so sorry... I know how much comments like that can hurt, I've had similar things said to me. But, you're luckier than I, you DO have kids! REAL kids! Look at your boys, you know in your heart how lucky you are!

Hugs!