[MaryVoirrey]

We all know that when you fill out that form to inquire about special needs adoption you have to fill in all those bubbles for which needs you can handle or would be willing to take on.

But, are there any needs that particularly attract you?

I know for me, there is very little I wouldn't be willing to take on. But I feel particularly drawn to paricular disabilities for various reasons.

Are there any special needs or disabilities that attract you more than others? And why?

Bless,
Mary

[lovemy6]

Down Syndrome.

I used to volunteer at a group home for disabled adults. There were two young people there who had DS. They were the best tempered people I had ever met. I've met many kids and adults with DS and never met a single one who was angry or mean-spirited.

When my son was a scout volunteering at Special Olympics, we went to the event as a family to cheer on another scout with DS. ALL the event participants there who had DS were so kind to others. I'm just so drawn to them.

[momraine]

I am drawn to limb different kids, because that's what I know. I know I can handle that because I have experience. Also kids in wheelchairs, becasue I already have one, so we have ramps and a wheelchair van. I worked in special education so I am drawn to Downs kids as well, but dh is not. He wants kids who will be able to live on thier own, so I have to respect his wishes as well. So that leads us to limb different kids.

[Original Mike]

One of the great iniquities of the foster/adopt system, in my humble opinion, is how easily older boys are written off as "unadoptable" and ignored by case workers. While some older kids may be damaged beyond repair by their experiences, many are incredibly resilient.

In looking at my four, I got C when he was 12 (almost 13) and R at 13. Recently, I added A at 18 and RC at 17. Despite their ages, both A and RC desperately wanted a family. They come to me with minimal special needs and (what I find most amazing) a positive outlook despite the tragic circumstances of ther lives.

Another advantage of taking oldr kids is that I seldom have had competition in matching committees. I was in competition with one other family for C, but R, A, and RC came to me literally because nobody else wanted them.

[peregrinerose]

For me, it's teenage boys. They have the hardest time finding families, but are so much fun to be around. My husband and I are very active people and skydiving instructors, so boys fit well in our home and lifestyle. Girls are too much drama. I'm a tomboy, I can't identify with girl drama, makeup, shopping, etc... we'd all be miserable with a girl in the house.

From a physical/medical stance, our home isn't remotely wheelchair accessable nor could it be (renovated 1890 bank barn, spiral staircases). But I'm very equipped to deal with vision impairment as a low vision rehab optometrist.

We didn't say no to any special needs (other than girls :-), just looking at each kid as an individual and going from there.

[ajjhmf]

Looking back, I didn't set out to adopt a child with special needs. It was all apart of my jouney to be a mom. We eventually decided we wanted to adopt from foster care and most of the kids in care are considered special needs. We made our decisions on the bubbles based on what we thought we could handle as first time parents. We were ok with certain medical stuff, but because of our house (a bi-level) had to rule out some physical disabilities. I do remember saying clearly I didn't think I could handle severe stuff like RAD, FAS and Drug exposure. (HA!)

In the end, we just looked at each child or sibling set individually. One group ewas dealing with severe sexual abuse. Another were very young and the little girl needed a liver transplant. A third group of boys had pretty intense psychiatric needs

We looked at each possiblility, did our researcha nd prayer. Eventually we found out about J and I knew in my heart this was the one. We didn't think he had any problems except delays due to time in care. We know different now. I think if we ever adopt again, we'll probably adopt kids with issues similar to J's since we already have experience in that area, but again, it depends on where we are led.

[Prettyboicris]

For my wife and I we are drawn to children with HIV, ADHD and/or drug exposed. We have not taken a child into our home yet but we plan to soon enough.

[txwannabemom]

Children with developmental delays and/or SA issues. As the sister of a child who was SAbused by a older child in the neighborhood, and who had significant developmental delays... I am drawn to children with needs similar to my brothers.

[devildogwife]

My son was surprisingly born with a very, very complex congenital heart defect. While it was a HUGE surprise and completely changed my life, I have cherished every moment with my 'heart baby'. If I adopt again, I would specifically look for a child with CHD and feeding issues. Like another poster, I've become very familiar with tube feedings and am very comfortable with that.

[SuzBerg]

My daughter has the same "very, very complex congenital heart defect" as DDW's son. Although for us it was not a suprise. I wasn't particularly drawn or "attracted" to her special need (medically fragile), I did check that box on something we would be open too.

We have experience with ADHD, Aspbergers Syndrom and Some mild Learning Disabilities (Disgraphia, Dyslexia) from our sons. And I thought that we would be matched with a child with those needs. BUT, it's funny how things work out and as soon as I heard about my daughter and her needs I knew she was the one for us (and she was also considered unadoptable and we were the only family who went to committe for her). I did not have any medical experience but I've learned along the way.

IF (and that's a big IF) we were to adopt again, I would definatley adopt a medically fragile child.

[Barksum]

I don't recall being 'attracted' to any particular special needs. We filled out the questionnaire more from the perspective that we didn't want to deal with certain special needs. Sexual acting out, RAD, fetal alcohol, significant mental retardation, significant medical issues were all things we didn't want to deal with or could not deal with due to logistical issues.

What we did end up having to deal with were attachment disorder, fetal alcohol, developmental delays, etc. We were open to mild mental retardation and developmental delays, but the sneaker waves were attachment and fetal alcohol.

When looking back I think those categories and the little bubbles are a nice idea, but real life takes over and nothing that cw's or pre-adoptive parents do can change it all. We were "careful" to only consider children with issues that "we could handle". I guess that's true, we're just handling issues that we didn't KNOW we could handle, and would not have handled if we weren't in a sink or swim scenario.

[Dhewco]

I'm still in college now (won't graduate until 2011!), so it will be quite a while until I have to actually answer these questions. I will be almost forty when I do so. These considerations are essential to what I have to think about.

I, too, haven't thought about being 'attracted' to any special need. I think about what I don't believe I could handle. I don't believe I could handle physical needs beyond glasses or maybe minor hearing related issues.

ODD and RAD are probably out of the question, too. I have a good deal of patience, but the idea of caring for someone for a lifetime and not getting real love in return scares the bejesus out of me. I don't know about SA. If the kid doesn't 'act out', I might be able to deal. As a survivor myself, I could relate to the child. However, a kid who could act out his abuse means that I would have to be uber-vigilant at home as well as forcing me to restrict the childs activities with friends and adults in his life. I get scatter brained every once in a great while and the risk that I'd get distracted and miss something is painful to consider. Kids who need line-of-sight supervision worry me.

All in all, I will definitely pray about everything for several months before I make any final decisions.

David

[MaryVoirrey]

Perhaps "attract" was the wrong word. I didn't mean particularly attract, I just meant, especially for those who look at waiting children or international ones. Would you choose any special needs over the another if given the choice.

I have a special place in my heart for children with Autism and Cerebral Palsy. I have close friends and family members with these, and have also spent years working with Autistic children. I know raising a child with a SN and working with one is completely different but still, I look at children with either of these and feel more connection. I also feel a certain kinship with children with limb differences. I wore metal braces when I was a child and know the therapies and process first hand.

[momraine]

If you are doing foreign, you won't know about RAD, or SA or any of that stuff ahead of time. The quality of the medical records can vary by country and even within a country. It's not at all unsual for information to be kept from adopting parents. I think any older child you adopt is at high risk for RAD, no matter where you adopt them from. None of these kids are adoptable because they had a nice loving family to care for them. For me with foreign adoptions, I wanted special needs I could see. I was offered kids with heart defects, but I honestly didn't know enough to know how serious they were, or if the plane ride home would be fatal to them. They could have been nothing, or they could have been very serious, even teh doctors you can hire can only go by what is in the medical records. I also had to be careful to keep my dh's limits in mind as well. His are different then mine. RAD was on our list of "absolutely cannot handle" and we got it anyway. I do not think we would have taken our son had we known about all of his mental issues. However, now he is our son and we love him and we won't give up on him. He does require line of sight supervision and lots of other extra stuff. The wheelchair is no big deal to us, the other stuff is hard. I don't think you can count on avoiding RAD.

[Kerbchek]

Autism...
I adopted J a few years ago... he was diagnosed Mild MR, Generalized Anxiety, & ADHD... well, the more I've learned, gotten to know him so incredibly much better, I started to questions the mild MR diagnosis, thinking perhaps he isn't... I'm thinking more Asburgers/Autism spectrum... so in reading more and more, and even joining the "Autism Speaks" network, and meeting people who have kids with Autism and even having a friend's child recently be diagnosed, I've really learned more and more, and am now being in the selection process of adopting a kid who is autistic...