[Original Mike]

Well, today was the day I went to our neighboring county to meet the first contenders to join our household. They are two brothers, ages 18 and 16. A, the older boy, just graduated high school with high honors and is starting college this fall. R, the younger one, will be a senior in high school this fall.

Well, my worker Amy and i drove together to their group home. I've been there before and always find it really depressing and run-down. On they drive there (about an hour) i was able to read through a lot of reports from the group home. No behavior incidents, no medications, etc. We got there and were shown into a living room where the boys were waiting with their worker. I've worked with their worker and, while always pleasant, is not exactly a great advocate for her cases.

After introductions, we began talking about what they boys were looking for as well as what my expectations were. One thing became very apparent, THESE KIDS ARE VERY BRIGHT! I was very impressed by how they were able to articulate what they were looking for. While they never used the word "scared", these boys are scared of aging out without anybody. A lot of there questions were normal teenage stuff: my rules on dating, movies, trust, etc.

Every now and then, the boys would shoot each other glances, which I pretended not to notice. They had obviously been talking before we got there. The one thing i was really surprised by was a question A posed to me. he was hemming around, so I just assumed it was the "You're single. Are you gay?" question. Instead, it was "After I head off to school, will I still be able to see R on holidays and breaks. i assured him that what we were working on with CPS was a way for me to continue to be there for him after he goes off to school, including him coming "home" to our house for holidays and breaks if he wants to.

All in all, we really hit it off. Every time Amy and I got up to leave, they seemed to find new questions to ask. Finally, after almost 3 hours, we had to go. We were half way to the car when Amy realized that she forgot her notebook. When she came back out, she told me "get in the car". i quickly got into the car and drove off. She told me "I wanted you in the car before I told you what I just saw so the boys wouldn't hear me."

When she went back toward the TV room, A was sitting on the couch with tears running down his cheeks. R was sitting next to him telling him "See, I told you it would happen! We'd get a family!" They did not know Amy was there, so it wasn't an act. I didn't know what to say to Amy, I was just stunned.

On the way home, Amy had some really good observations. She was also very impressed with the guys. She was also very surprised by the scene she walked back in on.

There is one very odd and (for me) strange postscript to this story. As most of you know, I had a very good friend murdered just over two years ago. Since then, i can say that I've pretty much lost my faith. i haven't been to church since and my attitude toward religion sometimes may seem hostile. R, the younger boy, shares the same birthday as my late friend Nick. At the risk of sounding like a total whack-job, could this be some kind of sign? Off to my rubber room now....

[adoptmom2be]

Wow what a great story - you are awesome for being willing to take these older kids in - especially so close to aging out. What an amazing moment that your worker walked back into. I can only imagine how those kids must have felt. Please keep us up to date on how this progresses.

And as a person of faith, the good thing about it is that there is always a road back

Take care and enjoy the journey toward your new family!

[momraine]

Hey, I totally beleive in signs, and to be honest, I have been praying for your faith for a while. It made me so sad to see you loose it like that. This sounds like a great situation to me! It is so scary going out on your own and to be really, totally on your would suck big time. I hope you go for it, I think you guys would be a good fit. Course you have to go with your gut too and take your current R into consideration. Good luck my friend!

[Kerbchek]

Well, you might think you're sounding like a wack job, but I had to admit to the feeling of a tear building up in my eye and a lump in my throat while I was reading that... sheesh... I seriously believe in signs... you'll do what's best for you and your family. Sounds to me like a promising match, and if nothing else, a sign that you're not done sharing your parenting skills, love, and compassion for others yet!!!

[Lylac]

I too believe in signs and fate. I think these boys were sent into your life for a reason.

[lucyjoy]

Hope this works out. It sounds like it's something they really need.

[Barksum]

As I've mentioned before, my Dh aged out of the system. What I've not mentioned much is that his foster mother died between his jr and sr year of high school. He lived alone, with only what the state paid him to live on the last year of high school - and we all know how generous foster payments are now, and this was 30 years ago. If there had been someone willing to provide a place, even for the holidays, just someone with whom to touch base - someone who cared, a mentor of some sort - he'd have probably done a bit better with the whole grief/living independently stuff.

I'm so pleased that these boys have found you, and vice verse. Sounds like you have much to offer each other. And of course this is providence, a divine sign. We're not all just bumping along in the universe with no rhyme or reason.

[crick]

Just makes me want to cry hearing that last scene. We always "assume" that kids of this older age are too beat down and have such a wall built up that they tell themselves and show everyone they don't need or want a family. Hearing this really does show that it's not always the case.

I do hope it works out!

As for signs, why not?? Sometimes we need to believe in signs to push us past the logistics of our minds to accept what our heart is telling us to do.

[SuzBerg]

Mike - I really hope this situation works out for you and the boys! Like preivous posters I believe in "signs" and I know along our adoption journey to Em there were lot's of them.

Hey - we missed you at chat on Tuesday! You would have really enjoyed it (and that's all I'm going to say about it )

[Original Mike]

Last night, I had more time to sit and process the events of the afternoon. That scene that Amy walked in on was truly amazing. We all know that teenaged boys are pretty crude and unemotional. For this kid to show emotion like that in a group home setting tells me volumes about his thoughts.

I heard from the boys' worker this morning. She said that they were blown away by me. A said "I've never met anybody like him before. I just felt so comfortable with him. Is that wierd?" (This poor kid has no idea what "Wierd" is yet ). Anyway, we've set July 2 as their move-in date since I'm off on July3rd, giving us four days together before I go back to work.

I also spoke to Jean this morning and was telling her about them. She caught something. "Wait a minute, this kid graduated high school with a 3.9 GPA? Mike, you only graduated with a 3.7." I told her "if you EVER tell him that, I'll get even. I'll tell him you used to be a man!" She then made a comment about me placing a large, rough object into a body oriface.

[kretzklan]

I'm emotional reading all this...it seems like it's working out nicely. I hope the transition is as smooth as it can be. How does R1 feel about all this new stuff?

[Lorraine123]

How exciting Mike. Keep us posted on how it is going!

[Indy]

Congrats Mike!

It sounds awesome! I laughed when I read about the bantering between you and Jean. Another issue that does come to mind, he isn't going to the highly illustrious college that you went to, is he? Hmmm...

I wish you the best.

Hmmm..."when you left me, you were but an apprentice...now you have become a master..." I know, bad paraphrasing!

[kay]

Such a great experience! No tears here, but chills. God does work in mysterious ways. We'll never understand the "why?", but I guess that's ok. (It has to be ok, since that's the way it is!!) Prayers for you, your faith (!) and for the boys. This all warms my heart . . .

[Original Mike]

If you remember that phrase, my wise Jedi master, it was said by Vader right before he KILLS his former master, obi-Wan. Watch out!

And no, he's going to a state school about an hour from us. That's about an hour closer than the main campus I thought he was going to.

As to how C and R feel, I talked to them last night. Since C lives with his gf most of the non-summer time, he was fine. R's only questions were if they liked video games and basketball. (It was yes to both.) Amy and I did prep the brothers about R and some of his delays so they would have a good idea of what to expect.

Mike