[Kerbchek]

The last time I adopted a kid, it was so much easier... I went to a "meet your worker" night, a social worker and I visited with each other about J, and a month later visits started... bla, bla, bla, now he's been my son for a few years...

... this time, I'm searching for a child with more specific traits?? I'm really looking for a kid that will make a good younger brother for J...

I kept my search a secret from J (not knowing how he'd take the whole idea) until last week when things seemed almost certain that a match was made with a kid in Texas... anyway... the worker e-mailed me & my adoption worker frequently... she asked all kinds of questions.... she answered my questions very promptly and very well... I just got a hunch that it was pretty much going to happen... so I told J.

I thought he'd not be too happy until I "sold" him on the idea by saying all kinds of nice things about him and what a good role model he'd make... but really, he loved the idea right away!! He was so excited he called grandma and told her we were adopting another kid, he started telling people all about this kid we might be adopting.... it was fun and I was so excited how well things were going .... until Friday.

Friday the worker e-mailed me saying a family of the child came forward and will take him, so now I'm no longer being considered... uhm... what?

J was upset, I was suprised... I couldn't believe it... but I never should have let myself get used to the idea until I knew things were more certain. Now I'm back in "search" mode.

I was afraid J would be upset and not like the idea of me searching for a different kid to adopt, but he seems fine with it right now...

I'm looking at an interstate adoption... I hope someone can pick us as the family for a kid on their caseload soon as doing visits to other states once school starts in the fall will be nearly impossible... not that I'm in a hurry, but the logisitcs of doing the visits with my work schedule as a teacher kind of makes a difference.... I've sent a few e-mails this weekend, left a couple voice-mails... I'm real anxious to see what kind of replies I get tomorrow...

[aMarylandfamily]

is beyond frustrating - the positive in J knowing though as now he can participate in the search as well as the match steps ... from past experience - don't count anything done until you have the child/children in your home!!! Best wishes - prayers and hopes will be with you!

[bandareed]

It's funny, I went through a similar experience this week too. I was picked as the adoptive placement for a little girl (in-state though). Questions were answered promptly and I thought I had all the info. I finally told me daughter who also surprised me by being very excited. I thought I'd have to sell her on the idea as you thought with your son.

Things fell apart Thursday. Not because they had another family, but because I met the child. She is a sweet girl, but her disabilities were way beyond what was represented to me. Sadly, I knew that she wouldn't work with our family.

Telling my daughter was the hard part. I'm kicking myself for telling her in the first place that the little girl was coming, and letting her get excited.

No advise for you, but thought I'd share that I'm in the same boat.

[2momsinGA]

Hello.

In March, we were matched with two sisters. After a long 3 1/2 months of visits and doctors' appointments with the oldest who has significant special needs, the youngest's foster family decided to adopt (in order, in my opinion, to keep the youngest child who had been placed in their home since Dec. 2008). We spent quite a bit of time as the Plan B (after having a move-in plan!), and, last Thursday, the oldest sister was placed with the other family.

Now, we're a bit shell-shocked, but we're meeting tomorrow with our county regarding another child.

For the previous match, we visited the child with our son (age 12) and daughter (age 6) on several occasions. After all, we had a move-in plan in place! It was very difficult when the match fell through and we were waiting around in case the Plan A disrupted. This time, we're going to be VERY careful as we work toward another match.

This can be a stressful process. I'm still hopeful that our other child/children are out there.

[saranbr]

That's too bad the Texas match didn't work out. I hope you find one soon and good news that your guy is happy with the idea of a sibling.

[Kerbchek]

This whole "hurry up and wait" thing is getting old... a worker requests some info, I speed to get it to them immediately, then wait, and wait, and then wait longer to hear anything back...

Hopefully tomorrow or Friday I'll have a packet to read on a possible match... there's one I think may pretty much be a match if I wanted it... from my perspective, he was in 2nd place to the kid in Texas... but that lady never replied to my e-mail I sent this weekend... but then I need to chill because I've already been invited to the matching meeting next week and my worker said the lady pretty much told him she's convinced I'm the match for this kid... scary thing is... he's only 5... ARG... I keep telling myself, they don't stay 5 forever, so I could enjoy it while I could... work to build the best possible memories, and always know I had that time with him that I can never go back and get with J... I feel I've missed so much of J's life I kinda asked to be matched with a younger kid this time around, and they sure found some...

Then there's the kid who looks like the perrrrfffeeeccct match for our family, but he's so darned far away I'm not sure if I could afford the travel costs...

... this time around has not been as easy as the last time... sometimes I think it's better to go in with no experience of how this works... then there's no expectation... I did't realize how good I had it last time.

Thanks all for letting me vent off some of my anxiousness... I feel there's so much to do... but just not yet ! ! !

[Original Mike]

I remember being where you are. You're right, it is nerve-wracking.


I am a firm believer in destiny. your next son is out there. The path to him may be long and winding, but he is there.


Mike

[Barksum]

I'm with the Mike on this one. The road is rarely a straight 4 lane freeway with well marked signs. Hang in there.

[Kerbchek]

The team in Ohio and my adoption worker had their teleconference today... According to my worker it went well. I made the selection to advance to the next level... they want to interview me. I was excited until I learned the worker is going on vacation for two weeks, so can't have the meeting until sometime during the week of July 13th... Ugh...

I decided to search other states for a possible match in March, thinking maybe we could do some traveling for visits, etc. during the summer months while I'm off work... but the way this process goes, the matching process takes forever... we won't be matched with anyone until after school starts, then I'll never be allowed to leave...

...my biggest fear, is all of this will take so long, when I finally get matched, it'll be fall, and I'll have to cancel the whole thing because I won't be available to do the visits...

Thanks again for letting me vent my anxieties... I'll just sit her and patientally wait... I need a solid plan... this "limbo" stuff is nerve-wracking...

[lucyjoy]

If the child has a motivated worker, it may be possible to do weekend visits. Try not to panic yet!

[crick]

A solid plan...oh boy! I think the plan is knowing there is no plan other than wait it out and hope for the best!

I hear you though...and I do hope the process goes more your way than not! You do have a job that makes it more difficult to get away!!

Hang in there and wait impatiently...

[Kerbchek]

I am waiting impatiently... on a good note though, today's meeting was originally scheduled for July 30th... and I explained my abilitly to travel during the summer months and not so much after school starts, so they moved todays meeting to... well, today.

I do have a week off in August... and will be more than happy to skip out on a week of summer school if I can make the trip sooner... but it's very hard to be gone after school starts in the fall... and I want to save as much of my "leave" time as I can for those little emergencies that will come up with being a parent to a new kid...

[Barksum]

The process is the pits!! Hang in there. You aren't the only parent with a job that pretty much precludes extra travel time. The workers will have to work around your schedule and make it happen.

[Kerbchek]

Originally Posted by Barksum

You aren't the only parent with a job that pretty much precludes extra travel time. The workers will have to work around your schedule and make it happen.

I seriously understand that... but I do happen to be lucky enough to have a job that has some rockin' awesome travel time possibilities during part of June, all of July, and a little in August... so as I sit here twiddling my thumbs... I think about how crazy my life may be in the fall...

[Barksum]

Hey, on an uplifting note you might not be matched until NEXT summer and then you'll be able to travel!

I was so bummed as the good/easy travel times would whiz by and there were some 'almost matches', but nothing worked out. Then, when it was a bit more icky for travel and all we were finally matched. Go figure!

One match was when our state had just re-done one of the rules about adoption and we no longer had to wait a mandatory two weeks after being matched, but just one week. But nope...the cw had to travel somewhere else for another match and then we had to work out a time when she WAS available...we waited 3 weeks, I think. UGH! And this was after we were matched, too! IN-state, so no ICPC or anything.

Do you have any great travel plans for July this year??? Might help to keep you from being so bummed. Take your cell phone and get a fax number at your resort and give that to all the cw's, then find a sitter for your fish and you and Ds hop a plane to Bermuda or something.