[Kansas Girl]

Well, here I am again…..I hate posting just with bad news and when I need a shoulder. Last semester (Jan – May) was incredibly busy for me between school and work….didn’t even have time for reading or posting on this! Now I’m taking two math classes during the first half of summer session – the month of June, which is incredibly busy again.

Back on April 1st R was arrested at school for possession of pot. All he ended up with was having to pass two drug tests – one he had last Tuesday (he was clean) and one next month (less than 30 days from last Tuesday). He's also kicked out of school for six months - can attend alternative school, but I'd have to take him - there's no bus service.

In the meantime, my DH got switched to 2nd shift at work (3- 11). So it was as soon as Dad left the house, it was prey on Mom time….there were a few times R got really emotionally abusive towards me….pushing buttons and picking a “fight” (beyond that!). Scary – once he got going he couldn’t turn it off. That culminated a few weeks ago with a suicide threat/attempt. He ended up spending a weekend in the psychiatric hospital (more money we don’t have…..)

Shortly before this, he had made contact with his sister. He fessed up to a MySpace page we didn’t allow him to have, which is where she found him. So (maybe this was dumb) I let him set up a Facebook page (where I am and all my relatives and friends are….figured maybe we could watch him more at least. I thought I had his internet access blocked so I could control his access, but today he sneaks on the computer and completes all these quizzes about pot….obviously he learned absolutely nothing from his four days in juvie. His computer access from home is gone….not to say he won’t go to the library and log on.

Anyways, long story short, I am soooo tired, to say the least. I’m afraid I have given up….I don’t see him making it. I don't see him finishing high school and I don't even see him being a productive member of society at this point. He won’t go to therapy. The psychiatric hospital prescribed him a antidepressant….probably really does need it. I’m of the frame of mind that why should I even continue it for him? Why should I schlep him around to the psychiatrist if he doesn’t care himself? [can he even get in the army now or job corp with the suicide attempt and the antidepressants? There won’t even be a pot possession charge on his record, so that won’t be a factor….unless he starts using again.] I’m really to the point where I can’t stand spending any of my hard-earned money on this kid, and I really resent even bringing him into my home in the first place.

When they start acting like this you find out how really alone you are. Therapists don’t really care unless you pay them. Lawyers really can’t do anything [amazing how I can't protect myself from someone like this....it always amazes me how if a woman is in an abusive relationship with another adult, everyone tells her to get out asap. If it's an abusive teenager, especially one 17 years old (practically adult!) it's too bad....we can't help you.} DCS is long gone and sure wouldn't give a hoot. Nine months until he is eighteen, which right now looks like it's going to be a horribly long nine months. My husband wants to kick him out of the house then. Right now I’d have to say I agree.

Fran

[crick]

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. Every time y'all post about juvie just doing probation for things where it's evident the kid needs more help, it just blows my mind. Especially when there is a suicide attempt??? He obviously needs help and yet there doesn't seem to be anyone reaching out to y'all so that you can get him that help.

If he does hit you though, or threatens you, DO call the police.

Is there any way that dh can switch his schedule back to days?

I'm sorry I'm of no help...I hope others will have more concrete suggestions!!

[lucyjoy]

Job Corps might still take him(and I'd ask) but the Army likely won't.

Keep a phone with you at all times and call police at the slightest threat. It is scary and very hard to get anyone to help.

Tell him to get a job cause he's going to need it. I'd be very blunt with him and let him know he will need a plan cause he will turn 18 and that you will not live with an abusive adult.

If you don't have a lock on your bedroom door, get one and USE it.

[Barksum]

Ah, Fran. ((((hugs)))) Do what Crick and Lucy suggest. and then dig in your toenails and hang on.

[SAHmom]

Hugs!

[Lylac]

I'm sorry your going through this

[aspenhall]

My take is a bit different, because he was doing so well for so long.....now you mention his age, and I'm realizing he is probably FREAKING OUT about turning 18 and doing whatever he can to force himself to keep being dependant on you.

By threatening him with 18th birthday you might be making it worse....what if you confronted him directly? What if you threatened him, that he won't be allowed to leave until he can act like an adult??

Can you remove the ticking time bomb?

[Indy]

Kansas Girl, I am in the same place as you...except I have 12 months with V.

I can't give any better advice than you have already received.

[kretzklan]

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I'm disgusted to hear that no one is taking physical threats seriously!