[hopeful2adopt]

Hi All,

I'm jumping over from the Korean board to ask for some help. I have a friend who is adopting from Poland. She has three older children coming home. She needs resources on attachment, behavior, and transition in general. I would like to get her a few books for when she comes home with them.

Thanks for any assistance in advance.

[kretzklan]

There are a few great ones for attachment: Attaching in adoption by Deborah Gray (she has others that are good as well). Adopting the hurt child and Parenting the hurt child - both by Gregory Keck and Regina something...sorry, you'll find them easily on Amazon.
I love Dandelion on my Pillow, butcher knife beneath...but it may be too much for someone who doesn't yet know what is coming...although it's like reading a novel and very well written. By Nancy Thomas...I really like all her attachment stuff.

[aspenhall]

Just in general, parenting-waise, I prefer Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

I also recommend watching some movies:
Martian Child
White Oleander

[momraine]

One thing that will be very helpful is to work on the language issues. There is a stickied phrase list at the top of the Poland forum, I know you have been there, if you can print that list of phrases out that will help. (I copied and pasted them since there are several different posts of them) Also I purchased some cards, they have pictures on them. One set had every day items and another had foods and I think one had animals. I started out with a handful of the ones that I thought we would see the most first and we went over those cards in English and Polish (my son teaching me) every day. As we mastered them I added more. It may also help if she makes sure that the translator explains all the details of the trip home including all the waiting that will happen between and before flights before they leave Poland. Also while they have the translator handy they can tell the kids a lot about their family and home and let the kids ask questions. Tell them don't be afraid to do silly charades like stuff in the early days. It helps lighten things to get them to laugh at you and it helps communication. Another thing that helped me for the flight home was to save out a few new toys that I did not let him see till we were on our way home. That way there was something new to keep him occupied on the flight home. It's kind of scary for bigger kids becuase they know "this is it, I am leaving everything I know". Have them start looking for attachment therapists, that way even if they don't need them, they are handy. Also maybe someone who speaks Polish, though my son did not want to speak Polish and would not. Have the translator tell them that it's OK to be afraid or nervous. Maybe teach them those words in English, afraid, nervous, hungry, thirsty, cold, hot, bathroom, sad, etc. So they can express thier needs and feelings to thier new parents. It will also take a lot of patience. Polish adoption is hard because you have the bonding time where you are being watched and that made me at least nervous.

[Barksum]

While the kids may be older, I think you'll find some helpful things in Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft, by Mary Hopkins Best. There is info on transitioning, and some attachment stuff. I remember there being a section on grief in the Toddler book which I found helpful even with my older foster kids.

Also the suggestion that the child should have some item made of cloth (blanket, pillow, jacket...) that isn't washed because it will retain the familiar smells that children often find comforting. We found this to be true with most of the kids we've fostered and adopted, sometimes startlingly so.

Deborah Gray's book has more on attaching (thus the title, "Attaching In Adoption" ). There was one chapter that was very practical and helpful on what to DO with the child to promote healthy attachment.

[hopeful2adopt]

Thanks all for the replies. These will hopefully be great resources for her. I really appreciate it.