[Kerbchek]

Well, I've been popping in now and then with a quick update, and to chime in now and then... I've been finding myself checking in on this forum more and more often lately.

I went a head and talked to my licensing worker about starting to provide respite foster care on the weekends... I also clarified my interest in adopting and updated characteristics of kids I'd be interested...

I'm in Iowa... I'm not sure how things work exactly, but it seems to me that only kids who they've tried every possibility for adoption and it hasn't worked, make the photolistings... however, when you talk to a worker about adopting, they're only able to tell you about kids available for adoption in the county in which you live... I want to figure out a way to communicate to all of the adoption workers across the whole state of Iowa that I'm available... I look through photolistings and see kids in other states who fit many of the characteristics I've included in my profile... but they're far far away... I'm sure there's kids closer to home who need to be adopted... but since they have no good central communication system, I'd never really find out for sure...

I'm wondering if a fun new twist to adopting this time around might be to try the interstate compact thing ! ! I've read good and bad experiences with this... but adopting a kid from Iowa was pretty easy, it seemed...

... so I set up a family profile on AdoptUsKids.com... I was thinking of trying to e-mail every DHS worker in the state as things move along and let them know that my profile is availalbe there if they want to look at it. I also sent an e-mail to my licensing worker to see if I could get a photocopy of my homestudy so I could mail them out when a worker requests one... but he hasn't gotten back to me yet. I was suprised a couple of years ago, but when I asked my licensing worker about it then, she willingly gave it to me... it's a different person now, we'll see what he says!! I also know there's a "Meet Your Worker" night coming up in the next month or two... (Which is the event where I found out about J a few years ago)

Once I get my mind set on something... nobody can usually convince me otherwise... the ball is officially rolling. I'm pretty excited to be entering the journey again one more time(at least)... Hopefully we're in for as good of an experience as we had last time...

[Barksum]

Congratulations!!! It's always interesting, and usually painful somewhere along the way, but it is definitely worthwhile. Be sure to keep us all updated on all the latest progress.

[Kelly Rae]

I'm so excited for you and look forward to hearing future updates. It's an awesome thing to think that your child is waiting for you even now as I type this. Kids are like chips one is never enough.

[kay]

Pretty funny, Kerby! But funny in a good way, I think it's great, and smiled while reading your post. Congratulations and good luck! Looking forward to reading all about it!

[Kerbchek]

Thanks for the encouraging words!!!

For a while it was a tough decision if I should jump back into the adoption world and do this again... or just look at how successful things have been with E & J and be content with the good run we had... Truthfullly, the fishroom is a lot of work, kinda getting boring... J has become such a HUGE part of my life... parenting children is seriously more rewarding than the hobbies... Adopting J is the best thing I've ever done.

... then the other day, it just "hit" me with all kinds of motivation. I just "know" this is what I need to be doing... It's how it felt last time... so lets make it happen! Friends have cautioned me to take my time... I reminded them that I received my license in March of 2005, and had a match in January of 2006, and brought J home in August of 2006... so being patient and taking your time is something that just happens with adopting kids...

I'm not draining any fish tanks until we get closer to actually making something happen... just in the beginning stages now... where will this road take me?

[Lylac]

Kerb. I'm so excited for you!! We're due for another SNTFP expansion! And since I won't be getting more kids, I can enjoy others excitement.

[waited2long]

I'm with Lylac, YAY for a new kiddo in the group!!!! I hope you have a wonderful process all around!

[Kerbchek]

The whole "photolisting" thing has always seemed really strange to me... I understand how it works and why there are photolistings... but I just struggle with how similar viewing photolistings feels like e-bay shopping or something... not to offend anybody... I'm just dealing with how strange it feels...

I registered with an organization who takes my "family profile" and homestudy and matches me with profiles of kids they have and match them for me... then they e-mail me with possibilities... well... I've been getting 3, 4, 5 or more e-mails a day. Either they made the match, or a worker has viewed my "family profile" and thinks i'd work for a kid they have on their caseload... This is strange feeling for me too...

The biggest issue I have now is that a lot of these kids come from Texas... or other states a distance from me... I'm going to be quite picky... I have J to think about and the dynamics that go along with that... and how much I can handle as a single parent... so I suppose if the right match happens to be in another state, I may want to consider it... I suppose I'd need to read more and hear more opinions & experiences about interstate compact stuff before making my decision about that.

I still haven't said anything to J about the possibility of adopting in the future... no need to get his anxieties up now when this may never happen, or may not happen for quite some time yet... as far as he knows is the other bedroom is all fixed up as the "respite room" -

It's kind of funny... J qualifies for the MR-Waiver and has a respite worker from a company in town called "The Respite Connection" - so J calls that room the "Respite Connection Room" - it's just kind of funny how he says it... :-)

[Kelly Rae]

Sounds stressful. We have only adopted local (LOL) kids, but I know a lot of people here have adopted out of state and Texas specifically.

We have always told all of our kids that we are thinking about adopting again. Everyone handles this differently, we adopt only if everyone is on board. We hold a family meeting and say we are thinking about adopting again and want you all to think about if you would be excited to get a new sister or brother. We give them a few days and hold another meeting and ask how everyone feels about it and answer any questions. My dh and I make the decision on a particular child or not they are voting to adopt or not.

Once the decision has been made to adopt again all the kids start praying for their future sibling. They are all ready by the time our son/daughter comes home.

I look forward to hearing how things are going!

[Barksum]

YEAH!! Sounds like the wheels are turning.

It does feel odd at times, looking through all the little bios and picking and choosing which kid likely fits what you can handle, etc. In our state all the counties are connected through a central office, and each local office gets pictures and bios that goes into a big book of waiting children. All the children who are waiting within our state are in the book. So you go to your local office and browse through the book. It is weird to 'shop' for kids, but I've not been able to think of a better way for prospective a-parents to find out about waiting kids.

Enjoy the time you're spending in looking and making contacts. And keep on updateing.

[Kerbchek]

Originally Posted by Barksum

In our state all the counties are connected through a central office, and each local office gets pictures and bios that goes into a big book of waiting children. All the children who are waiting within our state are in the book. So you go to your local office and browse through the book.

It'd be nice if this is what Iowa would do... it seems to me, in the past, things were very seperate, and not well connected.... individual agencies contracting services for DHS, etc... all over the state. Well, now there seems to be a move toward a much more central umbrella of services... we have a "KidsNet" family worker who can help facilitate some kind of a central search, but from what I'm told, there's no central book... just the kids on the state's photolisting.

I want the "right" kid who will fit best with our particular family... I'd rather not travel great distances to do this... it would "irk" me if I traveled far and spent tons of money... then to not have the match happen anyway... then find the perfect kid practically in my own back yard... that'd be my luck!!!

[whoownsthis]

Our homestate was awful...left kids in limbo for years before getting TPRed (Termination of Parental Rights), but other states with kids already TPRed and on photolistings were just as slow matching kids with available and eager parents (Colorado, New Mexico, Texas...).

We found our girls on AdoptUSKids via MARE (Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange). However, be sure to click the button that says you are willing to take kids who aren't TPRed yet, because more often than not, they're close...it just takes time to get the legal forms completed and the change made to the photolisting pages, etc. Plus, by the time they call you, it means they've exhausted their local/state list of parents, often because those potential adoptive parents don't want an interracial family. Oh, well. Their loss. (Of course you do want to go over the list of diagnoses and behavior issues, to make sure.)

For example, I signed up on MARE and inquired about a few sibling groups in Jan. 05, and heard back in Feb., I think, about 3 sisters, then ages 6, 5, and 3. They made us travel to Mass. twice before our final trip to pick them up, but Mass. paid the girls' airfare to our home as well as back to Mass. for the adoption court date 8 months later.

Keys to interstate success (at least with Mass.):
1. If you're willing to adopt 3+ siblings, you'll continue to receive the foster payment even after adoption.
2. If you adopt a non-caucasian child or sibling group, I think you also get the foster rate through age 18. (It may only be for sibling groups, so this would be worth checking into.)
3. Your homestudy must note who will be doing post-placement supervision (likely your county DFS/DCS office) and make sure they do it monthly! Our worker kept "forgetting" to visit us (they were supposed to do it in person), so I called her at the end of every month for a quick chat and asked her to please update the supervision form so that we would't lose the change to adopt our girls. (She was put off, but she did it. It was supposed to happen in 6 months, but due to some interstate paperwork issues, it dragged on for another 2.)
4. Interstate compact guarantees Medicaid coverage from state to state, so make sure you get them signed up in your home state right away, and bring their home state cards with you when you apply. Finding doctors who take Medicaid AND your regular insurance (which you will have to provide) is difficult, but it will save you alot of $$, especially if your kiddos have any major medical or psych issues.
5. Research Attachment Disorder...big time. We're lucky, our three are "mildly" attachment disordered and improving everyday, but some we did respite care for locally had it big time, and I'm sure sitting for 6 years in foster limbo didn't help!

Good luck! Domestic foster-to-adopt or straight adoption is awesome! International adoption is great, too, but those parents just don't have the supports ($$ and otherwise) in place that are guaranteed for domestic/foster adoption, and special needs kids are expensive!

One more tip: I sent a family photo album (that they could show the kids--just cardstock paper with photos and captions, laminated) any time we got a call and were among a group of potential families. We made the shortlist for a pair of AA girls in Oregon and they thanked me for sending the photo album (and had shown it to the committee who selects the family), but went with a local AA couple instead--good for them! That was in Oregon...so I guess Oregon would be another great choice--they move quickly. Just be sure to stay in frequent contact, be the squeeky wheel, and let them "see" your family with a photo album (or even a family Web page that you can include in your e-mail signature to them once a month (or once a week, if you're really persistent!).