[garry970]

I have adopted a 13yo. It was a very complicated adoption. It took 3 years to adopt him. He is a special needs child whom was in a residential treatment facility. There were situations like sexually acting out with my other foster children (although I still think that he was the victim), and he was in a residential treatment facility prior to my adopting him. He was just turned 11 when I met him in 2006. I was a licensed foster parent until the situation happened with the foster children in June 2007 just after the court order was signed on June 1 for the pre-adoption placement, the acting out situation happened within the week. I had 4 other boys then of similar age and younger.

I only take boys between ages 5 and 12.

After the foster kids were removed and the agency said that I can no longer foster or adopt younger children than him, I had decided to disrupt the adoption. I later decided to delay the adoption for 1 year pending more therapy.

The adoption was finalized in Oct 2008.

The problem is that since the situation in 2007, I feel that should have disrupted the adoption. I don't love him like I did then. I felt like I adopted him so that he would have a family, because no one else would want him.

He has moderate ADHD, and ADD the meds don't seem to work. His main med is Concerta. When he was in residential, he was on 6 meds, now, he is only on 3, and his behavior has gotten worse, and worse, and worse.

His behaviors toward me has changed a whole lot. He is 2 grades behind in school, kicked out of school at least 3 times a month for fighting, hitting teachers, talking back to teachers, and just not doing his work in school, mostly talking to girls and disrupting class, and also walking out of class. He has changed schools twice.

He has also have been jumped twice by kids that he started fights with at school.

It is no better at home either, He has been very disrespectful to me, and he says that he never wanted to be adopted by me. He also refuses to use his new last name. He hates my 9yo Godson whom has seizures and visits me some weekends. He breaks things when he can't have his way, attempted to run away twice, says that this is his "fake family", and he can't wait until he turns 18.

He is still in contact with his birth uncle, and his grandma, that was a promise I made when he was 11, also recommended by the adoption agency.

I was wondering could I sign a power of attorney with his birth uncle or grandma, who seems to have a better understanding with him than I do.

His birth grandmother was also going to adopt him, but she was unaware of the situation that he was up for adoption and that she wouldn't be allowed to adopt him, because of being in contact with the birth mother.

He wants to live with his grandma.

Presently, the birth mother is nowhere to be found.

Now, I am wondering:

Could I do a power of attorney delegating parental powers? (they have to be renewed every 6 months)

I just don't want to go through the headache of an overturning of the adoption. Plus, my love for him is not as strong as it once was, but I still love him, but I think he would be better off with his birth grandma.

I'm afraid that he is going to wind up in juvenile or worse if continues to stay here. I can't take it anymore!!

Advice please!!

Please respond!!

Thank you,

garry9700

[lucyjoy]

You need to talk with an attoney to find out what you can legally do. A power of attorney may not be enough and the laws vary by state.

I adopted a child I didn't feel very attached to because he had so many strikes against him I figured someone should take him. It did not turn out well so I understand completely what you are saying.

ADD does not sound like a correct diagnosis for the behaviors you are describing and often ADD drugs can aggrevate symptoms of other conditions. A medication evaluation and a change in meds might be an option to explore regardless of where the child physically resides. You description sounds as if he might benefit from a mood stabilizer and possibly an anti-psychotic to help with anger. I'm obviously not a doctor and this is an observation based on one post but having a doctor reevaluate what meds he needs and if his diagnosis are correct might be useful.

[aspenhall]

I was told that signing guardianship is easy, and immediately revoccable whenever you feel like it. It's essentially the same as power of attorney. It only adds b-grandma to the list of people able to officially care for him

But I think this is a bad idea. Maybe have b-grandma come stay with YOU for a couple weeks....let the novelty wear off....

[kretzklan]

Also not a doc - but lucy's thoughts echo what I was thinking. ADD meds can have a bad effect on a child who might be bi-polar or ODD...it's something we were told to watch closely for and sounds like something to investigate. I don't have any info about guardianship. Sorry this is so tough.

[Indy]

I have had similar thoughts for one of my sons. I spoke with an attorney, as I was in the process of leaving the country. I had a couple of sons who did not want to go. It was determined that legal guardianship was the way to go.

The only problem I ran into, one of my sons has gotten himself into so much trouble that no one would take him...not even his bio family. I have been told that if we lived in MO and they "run away", the police don't go looking for them. I know...bad Indy.

I am sorry about your situation.