[Indy]

This has been the hardest year yet. I am not sure I can handle it much more.

I found marijuana in V's room on Monday night. I took it, not saying a thing to him. I was sure he would figure things out anyway. I was in such shock, not that he was doing it...but that he would bring it into our home. I also wanted time to think things out and figure out what to do. V never came to me or asked about it. Finally, I went to V about talking. He was actually adversarial towards me. He didn't want to talk and basically just wanted me to lecture to get it over with. I just walked away. As I was leaving, I told him that since he didn't want to talk to me he could talk to the police. A little bit later, he came to me and wanted to talk. Once again, he didn't talk. He just wanted me to lecture him. I walked away. You are not going to believe this. I still don't. The amount was not enough to get him prosecuted?! And he tested negative?! Yeah, it made the probation officer aware of him possibility going down the wrong path again. No consequences from the state. I am the one that has to implement them.

To top it off on Tuesday, S was struck in the head with a rock. He had been verbally provoking another kid. Imagine that, he provokes his brothers all the time here. The other boy did get suspended from school until Monday. I spoke with S's teacher. She asked if we had changed his meds?! S has never taken his meds. It would seem his behavior has been off at school for a couple of weeks. One of the older boys' friends came forward and told me a story that S has relayed to him. S told this friend that he had a friend he was smoking marijuana with! So, off to Walmart to buy a drug test. Of course, it was negative. Isn't lying wonderful?! Now S is paying me $33 for a drug test kit.

M2 is still here. The appeal for his support has been sent in. He told me the other night that V asked him to smoke "purple" with him. Why he didn't, I don't know. M2 says that there are times that all he thinks about is smoking weed. Ahh, the advantages of talking to a person with autism...they "usually" tell the truth. Whether it is socially acceptable is another thing. I am to the point with M2 that I just don't care. He has made the choices that he has, now it is time to live with them. Some would feel sorry because of his "disabilities". To that I would say, the state seems to think that he can take care of himself...and they "think" they are so much smarter than me! M2 is not going with us for spring break. Last year, he was involved with the stealing of liquor.

J3 turns 18 next week. He has been doing that "I'm 18" argument with me lately. After he has gotten me angry, he says "I was just joking". I am so tired of kids turning 18...can we just skip that birthday and move them out? I am serious! Now J3 says he is going with us on vacation. I don't think I want him to go, as he always fights and argues with me and anyone else he can.

C is doing ok. He still doesn't have a job. He wanted me to let the cleaning lady go and let him clean house. I just laughed. After I quit laughing, I explained to him why I wouldn't do that. I know I shouldn't have laughed, but it was the latest attempt on his part to get me to pay for his car insurance. You see, he doesn't have his license. The rule here is that in order to have a driver's license, one has to pay the insurance. He has not been able to do that, so he only has his permit. The only reason he wants his license is so he can be at his girlfriend's house more. Now C has said he wants to go with us on Spring Break. Sadly, I really don't want him to go either. He and J3 will just fight and bicker all the way to Hilton Head. Then, he will constantly be on the phone with his girlfriend. 10,000 texts last month alone...on top of 3,000 minutes talking. Then, I have to ride back with J3 and C arguing.

It has been over a month since I heard from J2. He is living out of state with his girlfriend and her family. Last I heard, he had a job. I have called and emailed...no response from him.

L gave his caretaker some problems a week or so back. He had called and left me a message. Something to the effect that he wanted to leave and he was tired of being told what to do. When I had cooled off, I called him back. I told him that I understand his feelings and that if he wanted to move, he could pack his bags and start "walking down the street". He gets SSI and we give that to her to support him. I told him that he was an adult and could make all of his own decisions. I was not moving or trying to find a new place for him to live. I did tell him to get me an address to forward his SSI checks to when he gets one. All of a sudden, he didn't have a problem with where he was living. The caretaker has been wonderful for him, as she was for M2 before he screwed it up. L asked if he could go with us on vacation. I told him "no", as he is almost 20 and needs to be working.

I think (know) I am wearing out. It is so exhausting trying to love and support children that just don't care. I really should take a vacation for myself, but there is no one I can send the boys to. To much has happened this past year and sadly, most people that have helped me in the past know about the tough year I have had. There is no one who will take V, M2 or J3. C could stay with friends/family. I do have family members that will help with J4 and S. However, given some of S's problems lately, those are limited. I had to decline reactivating my commission in the Army. When push came to shove, I didn't have a place for V. Not even his bio family would take him.

I have been to counseling. She is recommending that I get a break. How? I refuse to take any medication, as I need my mind as clear as possible to deal with what the boys are throwing at me.

I do the only thing left to do, pray.

[aMarylandfamily]

Parenting a child who either doesn't care or is at the point that you refer to as "18" has got to be the most unrewarding thing going! Ours here is in the wind down year to 18 and angry at us over our decision he is to be out on his own and our assistance (even if he now starts college courses) stops at that point ... and no his friends are not being "kicked out" but we are not their parents. He too doesn't really want to be here but doesn't want to take on the responsibilities that come with independence yet and we have even kick-started some of that with things like a car that he too must get his license and pay insurance on to have released to him. I too could write on forever the disappointments and even depressing feelings I have encountered as I watch but will just let you know you are not alone and I understand and please keep posting - it does help to know others are here and doing it (vs. btdt) and taking as we are one day at a time ... we care too!

[aspenhall]

the right meds, would'nt dull your mind any....they would just put a barrier between you and the seething pit of anger thats always at the surface.

It helped me with my ability to remain calm....I say try it...

[momraine]

No advice here, but hugs and prayers.

[skirbo]

I'm so sorry Indy!!

Wait until about two weeks from now, after I'm home from the hospital and not groggy but just can't do anything, and send those boys to me for a bit. I'll put them to work, since I won't be able to lift anything. Just help me feed them (remember I'm not working) and I'll even see to it that we go to the beach once or twice amongst shoveling horse manure and moving my furniture around because I just want it somewhere else (No, not there. Try over there. No, I don't like that either.)

Hugs (and I second the medication statement, that the right meds won't make you groggy),

Sarah

[lucyjoy]

I promise, this walk through hell does get better when the older kids get out and begin to realize how smart their dad really was. (A few will take 10 years to get there)

Of course you are warn out. You have joined the teenage disfunctional kid war zone and are constantly bombarded with "bullets" or nutty behavior and no real breaks.

When J3 gives the "I'm at" quote him a rent amount or show him the door.

You need to do some things that are for you. I think you sit the little sweethearts down and explain to them that you intend to enjoy your vacation so you aren't sure they are part of the package.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I remember well what hell it was when I had too many teenagers with entitlement issues etc living at home at once. It hurts.

Remember you have friends that love you and please be nice to yourself.

[kay]

Hugs and sympathy and understanding from here, Indy. Too bad you can't ship one of the boys here for spring break. No, I couldn't guarantee that they'd be either safe or clean (drug-wise) - but they'd be out of your hair for a week, and they'd be dealing with different law enforcement out here. Don't know if that would scare them or not. The whole turning 18 thing is pretty interesting. C is actually trying to be more accommodating, and is on the whole a bit easier to live with. Now that he's aware that I can kick him out, he's smart enough not to want that to happen! I am still trying to buy a house, and I'm thinking he won't want to move with me, but time will tell.

I'm going to plug antidepressants, too. I've been taking a low dose of prozac since C was 14, and it's been a lifesaver. It doesn't dull my senses or make me spacey, but it just takes away the constant despair that I was feeling without it. My advice would be to give them a try, and if you don't like them, then stop.

We're all pulling for you! You're in my prayers.

[SAHmom]

Indy, I wish there was something I could do or say to make everything better for you. Sadly, there isn't. Know that you have online friends that are here for you! Hugs and prayers!

[MamaS]

Indy: Instead of activating your commission, why not take some of those combative young men to visit the local recruiter? As their parent, you can sign for them to enlist. I understand that the need for bodies is so great right now that the recruiters are willing to overlook some minor convictions on the arrest records.
They will have food, a place to stay, training, a strong father-figure, discipline, and a paycheck.
You will have peace of mind and peace in the home.

[po]

Indy I am so sorry you are having to deal with these problems. I think that MammaS has a wonderful idea. They may actually find out that the world does not owe them a living. Can you take them and talk to the recruiter or there is an ad on TV now if you are having problems to call Boys Town. i don't know what they do but it may be worth it to call. I get upset whenever I realize again that the cw's lie to get you to take kids and then do not want to back you up when there are problems. I saw it over and over in the years that we dealt with the system.

[Lylac]

Hugs Indy! I'm sorry the boys are putting you through so much crap. I echo Do something for YOU. Some mild meds may help. Just know that we are here for you..and we DO care.

[Kelly Rae]

I am so sorry for this desert time. I know personally that these times last longer then I hope and shorter then I think, and that it can be a time of great personal growth.

I will praying for a way for you to get refreshed so you can keep on keeping on.