[NeedsANap]

Hi all...

I have only posted once or twice but I read frequently to try and gain some insight on what is going on in my family. I'm 29, and 6 years ago my parents adopted a 3 year old (now 9 years old) from foster care who was severely neglected/abused and probably had significant developmental delays regardless. They used attachment parenting/went through and are still in attachment therapy and she has made really remkarkable progress despite mental illness (probably bi-polar though meds are working well now.) I'm really impressed with the progress made though I am sort of an outside observer....I live in another state.

In any case, I really admire what my parents have done for my sister, because it was not (and never will be ) an easy road...anyway, tonight a friend of mine read some incendiary article and posted on her blog that "Attachement therapy is child abuse"...and included anti-attachment therapy websites, etc etc. I can link the websites but I'm not sure that's allowed and I'd rather not.

In any case, as much as I understand this is the "you can't understand if you haven't been there" situation, I guess I'm looking for some resource that defends my parents, that explains attachment disorder, attachment therapy....(the real versus the quacks)....what is and is not abuse....can anyone help me with some websites? Information? Studies? I have seen that good attachment therapists exist and seen it help my family....just need some backup.

[aspenhall]

There are many things done that are named as attachment therapy. Not all of them are, and some do fall into a dangerous area.

My In-laws believed a lot of how I handled my dd was mean and borderline abusive....because they weren't seeing it as necessary, they only looked at things from a "healthy child" point of view.

If it has worked, it is NOT abuse. And if it is NECESSARY, it is NOT mean.

A mom wouldn't stab a kid with a needle everymorning and night if she were healthy...it would be abusive and mean....But if the kid has diabetes and NEEDS shots to stay healthy, well then it's understandable NECESSARY behavior, that is in no way mean.

Ignore the nay-sayers and be sure to keep supporting your parents. They need it. Oh, and if someone is determined to be ignorant, there is no perfect comeback/defense.

[kretzklan]

My guess is that she's talking about some of the quacks who preach 'rebirthing' and other such craziness. That is not ok...however, intensive talk therapy (sometimes play) with a child and parent present to work through the child's past neglect and trauma is what AT is all about really. If a child lost a parent to death in a bio family and went to counseling - would that be child abuse? That is what we are dealing with - these children have lost so much in their lives that they are unable to live in a caring, safe environment and try excessively to create unrest in both their lives and the lives of all around them. I believe it would be abusive to NOT get them help...for the most part they cannot heal themselves.
I am sure this woman quoted from quack watch - and while they bring up valid points for what to watch out for - they do not ever concede that some people do it right. I find it interesting that according to outsiders we are to not get help for these children before they act out...but if my child walks into a school with a gun and kills his/her classmates...these same people will point their finger at me and ask "why didn't she help him/her? why did it get to this point?" - then they'll be more than happy to send my child away to a psych ward or a prison with a smirk and knowing wink (that would never happen to my kid)!

I am proud of you for believing in your parents and so happy that they are finding AT to be helpful. There is probably nothing you can say to this person - they want to believe what they believe...but if they know your family's story and continue this hurtful ignorance...I would rethink that title of 'friend'...

[lucyjoy]

Actually, those websites list GOOD therapists and GOOD theraputic parents as abusers and take things they say out of context to make something helpful and good look mean and abusive.

I quit wasting my time explaining a long time ago. Anyone who wants to can make anything look bad.

I attempted to explain the therapy we used to people who should have a clue and quite frankly, their reaction was pretty negative and reminded me to never bother explaining again.

For every good resource you'd give, there would be another to trash it.

[Lorraine123]

Oh, don't get me started. This subject is one that can send me over the edge quickly. Attachment therapy is not abusive. I have actually used some of the therapists that are quoted on QuackWatch. When taken out of context, anything can sound crazy. I sure would hate to have someone listen to everything I say and then quote it out of context. I too would sound like a nut. Attachment therapists are very rigid, they are demanding, and they don't take crap. Thats what our kids need. Never has my child been abused in therapy. She has done somethings she didn't like. She has screamed and yelled. She has disociated because its painful. There is no way you can explain this to anyone if they aren't willing to hear it. Our children are beyond other people's ability to understand.

Every time this subject is brought up, someone comes on here and accuses us of abusing our children. I really hope that doesn't happen this time.

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by lucyjoy

I quit wasting my time explaining a long time ago. Anyone who wants to can make anything look bad.

.

too true....