[chickymum]

E-mom is due in about 3 weeks. I am hoping there will not be drug addiction issues but even if there are not there will still be a huge upheaval in the house. Of course everyone will handle things excitedly and well with the exception of DD. She is excited but she often does not handle things well. She goes "inside her hole" if she is unable to cope or process a stuation. She becomes withdrawn and then in order to deal with her frustration of not being able to get a grip on a situation she will silently do whatever it takes to get me to flip out. This makes her feel like she has control of things. I am planning on having DD play a huge part in helping. (She loves to help) She is old enough to be able to do a lot of things to help with baby and I know she will love that. I also am going to do whatever I can to try to keep her in routine.
I just want her to know that adding a family member is a good thing and that she is gaining, not losing when it comes to being part of a family.
Does anyone have any great ideas of things we can do to help her understand this? Are there any tactics that have worked well when another child has entered the home? I just want to be prepared because we just came out of a very difficult month or two and I don't want to go back into one of her storms.

[lucyjoy]

Your daughter will need more rocking time once baby is there. When she sees you care for baby, be sure to let her know how much you wish you'd been there to do those things for her.

She is going to flip and may also be worried that baby is her replacement. Be sure she understands how families work and that bringing in a new baby, while baby needs your time, brings more love for everyone to the house.

When caring for baby, let her know that it's fun having her there to help(careful not to praise too much in a general manner cause that can backfire. Rather then "You're such a great helper" use "It was so helpful when you brought me that diaper bag". That is often easier to handle)

[aspenhall]

Also, use the term, your sister/brother instead of our new baby/the baby as much as possible... That keeps some of the focus on her.

[waited2long]

I think it sounds like you are doing yor best to prepare your daughter.

Congratulations on the new baby!!!

[momraine]

Also be sure to get her something like a big sister shirt. that she can wear. Maybe let her send out some announcements that she is now a big sister to some people she knows. Also if you have a big enough rocking chair to rock them together sometimes, do that. Reading in a rocking chair during the babies nap can be good too.

[Lylac]

I echo what the others have said. Just include her in as much as you can without her feeling like the baby is her responsibility. You don't want her to become parentified.

[katie52]

Our son was 4 when his little sister was born. He seemed interested but not overjoyed about having a new baby in the house.
I agree with those who said to ask for some 'help' with the fun things, like rocking the baby, and things like that. He really got into that big brother role.

One thing NOT to do, that I did the first couple of months without thinking. I tried to keep our son in his same routine and so I would wrap up the baby and we would walk to the park etc. But if it got windy or cold,
I would say , without thinking, we need to go now, its too cold for the baby. Or , the baby needs to eat, we should go home. NOT a good idea. lol Leave the baby out of it.

Also, our son 'tested' us the first few weeks, to see if he was still our main priority. The first morning the baby was home, after we all were up all night in the hospital, for 2 intense days,
I half crawled into the living room where he was up watching cartoons at the crack of dawn. You Okay, I asked,through squinting tired eyes, you want some cheerios?
No, he looked me square in the eyes, 'COULD I HAVE SOME BACON AND EGGS PLEASE MOM?'
Okay, I did it. I wasnt thrilled, but I got it. He was just checking. This kid had cheerios or frosted flakes every morning, but NOW, this morning, he needed to see if I would cook him a big breakfast. lol

[greenrobin]

Although a different situation, when B was 2 1/2 I had S. She was a big helper for about a week. Then she was bratty, sullen, and whiny. I was feeding S and B was playing with her Cabbage Patch Kid (long time ago!), when suddenly B drop kicks her doll across the room and says, "I don't like that baby." I asked, "Your baby?" and she answered, "No. YOUR baby." I told her to tell S how she felt. B was cautious. Would I be mad? Would it hurt the baby's feelings? I said no, I understood how feelings build up inside and make you feel bad. And besides, babies are not born with very many brains to understand words, so S would not remember it.

B looked doubtfull, but screwed up her courage, got down near S and growled, "You so UUUUUUGGGLLYYY!" Then she straightened her shirt, flipped her hair and said, "I feel better now!" and went to get her doll.

I also made sure that when I rocked the baby, I used the big rocky chair so that both babies could sit with me whenever possible.

And I stopped making B such a big helper all of the time. When she was watching and interested, I asked her to fetch and carry for me and she loved it. Not so much is she was engaged in playing or some other activity.

[chickymum]

These are all really great insights! I might have to print them out and tape them to my fridge so as to remember if...no, when DD starts to become sullen. There will be issues but the fewer the better.