[guatmama2b]

Hi all! DH and I have one son whom we adopted through international adoption a little over a year ago. We are at a place now where we are considering a second adoption and feel like we are being drawn towards a special needs adoption (don't know yet if that will mean international or domestic,) but I have a question for all of you!

To me this feels like a hard question to ask, so I hope you understand that my intentions are good. I know that the term "special needs" covers a vast array of "needs," but for the purpose of this question I am only talking about the most severe (one in which the child is unable to care for themselves without assistance.) DH and I feel that we are equipped emotionally, physically, and financially to adopt a special needs child, but our question is... how do you plan for the future of your child if / when you, as the parents and caregivers are gone? When we are thinking about this adoption, we feel absolutely willing and capable of making this lifelong commitment, but what happens when we are not here to care for our child throughout their adulthood?

Does this make sense? What happens to our children once they become adults and we (the parents) pass away? Oh... this sounds so morbid! But it is a real question. I hope that there is some easy answer that you will be able to provide!

[karla-k]

It is a good question. Our daughter is not completely unable to care for herself, but mentally we are not sure if she will ever be able to live on her own, etc. We have thought about this topic a lot.

There are financial considerations. There are ways in which a child can be cared for financially without jeopardizing any of the government subsidies they should be entitled to.

You also need to appoint someone as guardian and someone as caretaker. They can be the same person or different people from my understanding.

I would advise talking to an accountant about the financial aspects of things. You can also call your local Association of Retarded Citizens. They would have information on resources and experts in your area.

[aMarylandfamily]

If only we had crystal balls for answers to questions like these...

I believe the above poster covered your next steps in thoughts and actions well and don't have much to answer EXCEPT that there is no dumb question you can ever ask especially when taking on special needs children - and there are several levels of severity that goes into that description - and no matter what level your family determines works for you, this forum is great for advice, caring, support and more - many of us have encountered any and all situations whether or kids are foster or adopted and that experience which we share readily will become more and more valuable to you - so ask away - and as you start this journey (again) you will find alot of changes and many of which we have ready answers to!

Best wishes in your thinking, decision making and more!

[momraine]

One thing to keep in mind, when you adopt a foreign special needs child it is very difficult to get any funding to help with the costs. You will want to check on what your insurance will cover. For instance, we had to pay 3000.00 out of pocket towards ds wheelchair and we had to pay totally for a lift equipped vehicle.

[athikers]

We asked our best friends who are Pixie's guardians should we both die unexpectedly if they would consider taking Tucker. They said "yes" right away, that would be just until he is 18.

Our son will always need assistance of some sort, we are hoping for his sake that he will be able to complete his own daily cares by the time he is that age. But, the likelihood of him having the capacity to live independently is not good. That's not to say we are not hopeful, but that is balanced with the realism of his severe injuries. We hope he will be able to live in an assisted living or group home setting as an adult.

We do not want Pixie to feel like he is her "responsibility" once we are gone. Though she is a very loving child and I don't doubt she will want to help her brother, we are planning for his cares independent of her.

[guatmama2b]

Thank you everyone for the information! You have been very kind and I appreciate knowing that this supportive resource exists as we continue to make decisions.

[Barksum]

This thread is about this same type of question.

For those whose kids will not be live on their own?

There were several responses on that thread.