[SAHmom]

I spent over 4 hour in the ER today. My 7 year old fell off her futon top bunk as she was getting up this morning. Only Lil Miss and I were awake at the time. I heard the noise and ran in there. She didn't cry, just said she was sore. Awhile later, she came to me after going to the b/room and said there was blood in her underwear. Fearing that she had some kind of internal bleeding, I called our doctor's office and they said to take her to the ER if there was anymore. When I noticed another spot, I took her to the ER. Hubby was on the road, so couldn't go with me.

Everything was fine at first. They examined her and then took me to another room. They said that she COULDN'T have gotten a tear down there by falling. I knew - and was confident - that nothing else happened and it was from the fall. If you knew our home, you'd understand why I felt that way and was secure in feeling that way. The doctor asked who all lived in our home. I could see her demanor {sp?} change once I started naming everyone. She then said "are they ALL yours". I said YES, they are. She then asked how do you do it. Here I am worried about my daughter and she is wondering how we financially do things. I guess everyone is just entitled to know that, huh? They then proceeded to run tests on my daughter. I asked what was going on...you know because they can't keep parents informed of what is happening. They tell me they are waiting on the police and the tests results.

I talked with the police when they arrived. I suggested that they come to our home and our daughter could show them where and how it happened...which they did. The officier took his pictures and questioned our daughter. Our 5 year old was worried that the police were going to take her out of our home {her adoption was finalized in July}. So far this has been a mild holiday season with little acting out, but after this, we are sure we are going to see some behaviors.

Here I sit upset and mad that they put my young daughter through something she shouldn't have had to go through. I asked the RN supervisor before I left *if* they ask EVERY parent that comes in the same questions I was asked. She ended up shaking my hand and thanking me for everything. Before the testing came back, I was getting 'those' looks. I can't even begin to describe how that felt. I would never hurt nor allow anyone to hurt my children. Lots of people in town know us and how we advocate for our kids. Heck, even one of the police officiers knew us and I don't even know his name. We have always been an open book kind of family. The schools know us, the Mental Health staff, police, etc. We were even in the newspaper and still have people {some of which we don't know} talk with us.

The ironic thing is that we are currently awaiting news regarding our 10 year old. He joined our family at the age of 5. He came forward in January that he was s/abused by his b/mom and b/dad. The DA REFUSES to do anything. The new DA takes over in January and we are waiting to approach that DA about this case. This b/dad is the same one that s/abused our now 18 year old when he was younger...nothing was done then either. I have had to be proactive to keep everything going and justice done, so to speak.

Our 16 year old daughter was upset. Her s/dad s/abused her and even with STDs on her, the stepdad and her b/mom, NOTHING was done. She said you and dad do everything for us and adopted us and they do this, but the person {well, she used another term} abuses me and nothing is done. She ended up going to her room for over an hour crying.

I sit here discouraged and just plain tired. Tired of having to 'prove' to those that judge our family. God gave me strength today and I remained calm because I knew in my heart that when it was said and done, the truth would ring true. Never once did I doubt that. In reflection tonight, I am questioning God. There has been many trying things come about over the last several years with our children and...well, I think I am just feeling overwelwed tonight. Thing is, it's not my kids making me feel that way. In fact, they have been angels. I waited until they were in bed before breaking down, but while they were awake, they kept coming up hugging and kissing me...that made this lousy day worth while...almost!

[lucyjoy]

Oh how awful! It's horrible to think you can't even take an injured child to the hospital without getting investigated.

[Kelly Rae]

Sending hugs your way. What a horrible no good very bad day! What a horrible thing to go through.

[Barksum]

I don't know why lousy things happen. Truly, only God does. I do know that when lousy things happen that we can call upon God for the strength to endure. I also know that God gives us strength in many different ways; our own personal inner strength and peace, strength from others, and divine strength that we don't have any way to explain.

You got 'those' looks and all the questions today because of people like the b/father that abused your sons. You got 'those' looks and questions because someone, somewhere, pushed until they got someone to sit up and took notice and now EVERYone is mandated to sit up and take notice. In short, you got 'those' looks because someone very like you was proactive for their child(ren).

You also got 'those' looks because you have opened your heart to your children and care for them diligently and lovingly.

So while it was the pits and makes you feel horrible, you were being a good mom and shining as a light to all the people you had to deal with. Those are the same people that see and deal with the same nitty gritty things that foster and adoptive parents see and help their kids to live with.

I'm sad that your Dd was hurt, but glad that she's home tonight. I'm sorry that your Dh wasn't home to help cope during this time, (isn't that the way it always is?!) and that you were hurt and discouraged.

[Lylac]

I am so sorry that you and your babies are going through this. It breaks my heart! And I agree with Barki about the reasons that you got those kind of looks and questions. It's not bad enough that your dealing with all of this, but to have folks silently judge you before they know the facts is even worse.

We all know what a great mom and advocate you are for your kids. And we know the depth of your love for them. I know exactly how you feel with all of the questions and stuff. I had to hotline my own child and then questione repeatedly by everyone..including a state invetigator from DCS when Lyla got hurt.

I understand the need to NOT break down in front of the kids. I had to be the strong one in my family..a job I hated..but one that had to be done.

I hate that Will wasn't home to help you through this. And I'm positive that it's tearing him up that he can't be there for you and his babies too.

The best advice that I can give is...act like nothing is wrong and try to keep things as normal as posible for the kids...

I'm sending major hugs and prayers..and know that we are here..if you need anything...at all.

Big Ole

[waited2long]

Ugh... I'm very sorry you had to undergo the scrutiny and investigation. Especially that your kids are being affected by it!

I am glad they investigate more often these days, but I can see you and your children's frustrations that not everyone is investigated! For that I'm really sorry...

[mrsred]

oh SAH, I am so sorry. I want you to know that I prayed for you and your family, and hope you can feel God's protetive love wrapping around you all.
I think Barksum hit the nail on the head when she said "You got 'those' looks and all the questions today because of people like the b/father that abused your sons. You got 'those' looks and questions because someone, somewhere, pushed until they got someone to sit up and took notice and now EVERYone is mandated to sit up and take notice. In short, you got 'those' looks because someone very like you was proactive for their child(ren). " Point out to your children that as much as it hurts to have to go through that, it is good to know that the doctors and nurses are noticing this kind of thing. Even if just one child is saved from continued abuse, isn't it worth having all of us questioned?

[kretzklan]

I'm also so sorry that they are questioning the wrong people...it sounds like they have a job to do with some of the prior abusers in your children's lives!

[Crissy011]

That must have been a horrible experience & I would have felt the same way you do. However, I have to say that looking at it objectively, I would hope that those precautions would have been taken with any child that comes in with a "questionable" injury. If it were a different child in a different family where abuse was taking place, wouldn't it be a shame if they just took the parent's word for it and didn't do the investigation? Like I said, I KNOW I would have felt just like you do....but, I can also see why they did what they did.

[sunshinemommy]

SAHMom, I have the best thoughts for you today and many many prayers..

Having had to hold down not one, but all four of my daughters to be examined and photographed at the hospital and having those eyes looking at me, and the whispers from the nurses.. My husband, FIL, MIL and SIL paceing in the hallway listening..I will always remember the look of fury, angry and eventually sobbing sorrow of my Father in law...I never ever seen him cry, except on that day...He is now a passionate advocate for children who are abused, he volunteers with the Children's Help Line and is a Big Brother and a mentor. His life changed that day forever..although he would never ever admit it. He has re-doubled his Scouting efforts and reaches out into the community to bring in troubled young teens..He is gruff and tough, but inside he is a big huge softie..

The pain that I felt that day has never gone away..but good things have come of it. Perhaps somewhere..a child will be saved...

[txwannabemom]

I am sorry you and your children had to go through this. It just isn't fair. My cw told me that as a foster or adoptive parent it is not a matter of if you will ever be investigated but when. All because of the *&@^##@(^^%ing b*@#^@##@s out there who hurt kids just like the ones we love. Your family will be in my prayers.

[Lylac]

SAH..how are things today? I hope you and your baby are feeling better

[chickymum]

I understand how you feel. The 'not if but when' thing helps me feel a little better. I have been investigated before also and even though the case was closed I am unable to adopt again. SW's are making sure of that.

It is so hard when you put your heart and soul into children who have so many extreme needs and you are attacked by those who have no clue.

Concentrate on your kids for Christmas and its good that you are prepared for some behaviours to flare up now. I always seem to be able to handle things better when I am braced for it. And just keep inhaling the love that they are showering on you.

[SAHmom]

Lylac and others, thanks for your support and words! I am feeling a lot better today...somewhat. I have our daughter scheduled to see our family doctor and therapist today. She goes to be interviewed by SOS tomorrow morning. I know that this will all be over soon, but my concern is the negative effect on our children. Our 7 year old son stated this morning that he is being moved to another home. I think seeing the police brought back some memories. Our 5 year old had a major trantrum last night. Our other kids are whiny and worried. Our 8 year old told the 7 year old as she was getting in bed not to fall again.

chickymum, hubby got back this a.m. and we talked about how this has shut down our chances of adopting again which is sad. We have done so well with advocating for our children and thought that down the road we'd adopt again. This incident makes that no longer a possibility.

mrsred,

Even if just one child is saved from continued abuse, isn't it worth having all of us questioned

That is what kept me going. I understood the need to do a through review. I really do not fault anyone for that. My problem is that it 'seems' that the doctor was not doing it for the right reasons. Our daughter was questioned by LOTS of people and even when asked if anyone had...well, graphic questions. She told them how she fell and that no one had touched or put something there. They ran tests which clearly proved what she told them.

That doctor was rude from the moment she walked into the room. She asked ME what happened and I told her to ask our daughter because I wasn't in the room when it happened. She asked such unprofessional questions.

I will be stronger after this. I always am after some type of new situation comes up with our children. I will continue to advocate for our children. I am just so mad that they couldn't listen to what our daughter told them happened and made it into something...so...well, something that didn't happen. Does that make sense?

[Lylac]

SAH, I don't see why this would stop ya'll from adopting again. I mean this is 100% not your fault..and shouldn't stop anything. But what it DOES show is how strong of a parent you are..and how good you advocate for your babies.

I'd definately let you have more