[lucyjoy]

T called me from the homeless shelter wanting to come home. "I'll follow all the rules, do anything you want, I have no place to go, my meds are all messed up." Followed by "My boss wants to talk to you." So, homeless shelter case worker, who lets me know she's not his boss, gets on the phone and puts it on speaker so T can hear and tells me that T is tired of the homeless shelters, he's had no behavior issues there, he qualifies for lots of services, will be getting a state appointed guardian and going to the independent living program in Jan(hmm, all the stuff I tried to do that couldn't be done). She wanted me to take him from now until the program started.

I said no. I can't take anymore abuse right now. When T left last time, S asked me repeatedly if T would ever live at home again and wanted to be sure that he wouldn't. I can't put S through this anymore either. And holidays are horrible for T which means violent for anyone in his path. Already struggling enough this year with my own ptsd thanks anyway.

Then he keeps telling me he loves me. He doesn't. And right now, I feel nothing for him but anger(wrong or right, it is what I feel) I can't help him anymore, at least not now. And I hate empty I love you's as those words are improtant to me.

I told him to call his uncle and try him(that's where my oldest, T's bio brother apparently went).

I know I sounded like a horrible person and quite frankly, feel like one. What kind mom won't bring her homeless, mentally ill son home at Christmastime? But I can't do it. I can't take the violence that comes with it, mental illness or not. A different time of year, maybe but I'm really struggling with my own trauma memories right now, and the potential for something serious to occur when were both triggered, is just to strong.

[waited2long]

You're thinking of the rest of your family and yourself. I don't see anything wrong with that.

And it sounds to me that T will be okay where he is. If there haven't been any issues there, then regardless of what T says, overall he is okay.

Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing the right thing for everyone involved.

[MassachusettsMom]

Just wanted to send you my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there!

[kay]

Lucy, I know it can't have been easy, but it sounds like you made the right decision. You know yourself, and you know your son! You know, unfortunately, how reliable his promises are (not!) and how long before he'd blow in your home (not long!) I'm sad for him, and for you, and I sure hope the caseworker really can get those services in place that you fought so hard for. But your throwing yourself back in the "line of fire" won't ultimately help anyone. Be kind to yourself.

[crick]

Ditto to above...

I'm sure it's really hard on you to do this, and yet you are right. Kay's right too...be kind to yourself.

[momraine]

I am so sorry. Have some rum and remember you are doing what is best for the kids you have at home who are healthier and you want them to stay that way! They don't need more trauma. Don't let T drag the whole family down with him.

[Lorraine123]

Well, if he goes into the independent living program in Jan, seems to me that he can just stay where he is until then. We all have to draw the line in the sand and you drew it long after most of us would have had enough. I also hate the empty manipulative "i love yous". I would rather nothing. You have done a lot for T. You can't cure him. Don't blame yourself for that. And take care of yourself - you deserve it.

[ajjhmf]

I don't think there is anything wrong with syaing no. You have to do what you need to do for your entore family, and I know you know that. Don't feel guilty. Think about Friday and good fun, friends and chocolate. Oh, and I might share the rum too....

[Indy]

That's what you told me! You know that I have sons that choose to be homeless. Your son may be tired of being in a homeless shelter, but he is only wanting to change enough to get back home. Once he is in...he will get comfortable and all h*** will break lose again.

You made the right choice for your family at home.

[Lylac]

Big hugs Lucy! You did what you had to do. You have to think about yours and your family (living at home) safety and wellbeing first. I know it doesn't make it any easier on you..but you did the right thing.

[Barksum]

(((hugs))) Doing what is right doesn't always mean it makes you feel warm and fuzzy. I'm sad that he's chosen to do the things that have brought about his being where he is now, but he's safe and he's getting into the programs you've been trying for years to get lined up for him. That's a good thing. Stay firm.

You're gearing up for S to be ready to launch into adulthood and he needs lots of nurturing right now.

or Not sure which one would be more welcome; with a moped you could go for a drive with the wind in your face.

[chickymum]

You could always let T move back home and the rest of you could come here for Christmas. We'll have fun! Do you like your rum with coke, diet coke or egg nog?

[ajjhmf]

Originally Posted by chickymum

You could always let T move back home and the rest of you could come here for Christmas. We'll have fun! Do you like your rum with coke, diet coke or egg nog?

Oh, Lucy! Now THAT sound's like a plan...

[lucyjoy]

LOL would be nice but I'm suppose to cook Christmas dinner for 35 people so that could be a problem. I think they'd hunt me down!

[karenw]

I want to echo the support/advice you have already gotten. You need to keep your home as healthy as you can. T has gotten more than enough opportunities as it is!
We also are without our oldest this year so I completely understand the range of emotions. Mine is not violent but does his damage passive aggressively. He is now on the third home to mooch off of and has been out of school (college we were paying for) without a job for six weeks. Some lessons need to be learned the hard way. Bless you for cooking for 35!!!
Karen