[ajjhmf]

I think many of us have already read this, but I found it again today and wanted to share it again.

_____________________________________________


WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome To Holland".

"Holland?!?" you say, "What do you mean "Holland"??? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy"

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned".

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland.

[momraine]

We use that a lot with talking to parents who are giving birth to or adopting a child with limb differences. I love it.
Hope you are having a better day.

[athikers]

I love that poem.

[ajjhmf]

Originally Posted by momraine

Hope you are having a better day.

I am, thanks. Just remembering the joys of Holland rather than wishing I was in Italy.

[SAHmom]

Thanks *so* much for posting this! I haven't seen it for quite sometime and how profound! I, for one, needed the reminder!

[kay]

I love this too, thanks. Just reading the title I knew what it was - I think it's a nice reminder for all of us! Special ((((hugs)))) to you today.

[Lylac]

Thanks Jenny I had forgotten about this one. I always love reading it again. Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder that Holland is beautiful too!!

[Barksum]

I was thinking about this a few weeks ago. I love the analogy. It has been very helpful for me, and also useful to share with others so they can understand what it is like for our family at times.

I was also thinking that for some parents of RAD kids they don't even land somewhere pleasant, like Holland. They land somewhere like Darfur. It is truly horrific. They can't find help, the don't know the language, no on can understand them, and they are desperately seeking for any glimmer of hope or help. The despair can be all consuming.

I tell people about this web site because if they are struggling with kids who have some level of attachment disorder and/or brain impairment this is ONE place that understands and can help, even if it is 'just' through encouragement.

[mrsred]

Well, Italy is great, I am sure, but if I had gone there I would have missed getting to know this wonderful tour group!