[ajjhmf]

I'm not angry any more about what happened today.

I just feel overwhelmingly sad.

I feel like I don't even know my little guy any more.

The fighting and stealing and lying and disrespect.

Before this year, even when things were bad, he was loving and kind and gentle.

I just don't know what's going on with him right now and he's so shut off he won't tell us.

It just makes me so sad because I feel like I'm losing him.

[momraine]

I am so sorry you are going through this. No words, just hugs.

[Indy]

Don't really have any advice. I am dealing with some of the same things here. Really having to rely on friends outside, as inside is to hot right now.

[lucyjoy]

You're not losing him, he's just in a bad spot. Sounds to me like he's very, very angry and can't find his words.

4 days and you get to go hide

Hang in there-this is one hard job.

[Barksum]

(((hugs))) Parenting should come with huge warning labels, you know? But I think I would have just gone pffffft and not paid any attention, even if I'd read them. Sigh.

Where you are now is not where you will always be. (To me this means it will get worse, but I've met people that find that statement encouraging. )


Also, where J is right now is not where he will always be. He's been doing alot; think of all that has gone on in the last 6 months. The med changes, growing older, the evaluations, his own understanding that he is doing things he shouldn't...lots and lots and lots of things. Just knowing that he needed to be evaluated by the neuro psych had to have had an impact, and knowing that he's in trouble at school, knowing that you're working on his IEP...as kids get older they comprehend more of what all that means, they just don't always know how to understand and cope with it. Hang in there and continue to be the mom who loves him, regardless.

[ajjhmf]

I agree about the anger. I just wish he would talk to us. Even though he's 9 1/2, I may try the rocking chair tomorrown and see if I get anywhere. If anything, I'll feel better for getting a decent cuddle.

Good points Barki. I hadn't though about it all that way.

Thanks everyone.

[lucyjoy]

He may not know why he is angry. He may just know he doesn't feel right and that comes out as anger. Rocking chair might not be a bad plan. Even if he can't tell you about the mad, he can soak in the comfort and be reminded he's safe with mom no matter what he's feeling. Your an awesome mom and your doing a fantastic job parenting a tough kid.

[Lylac]

Hugs Jenny! I agree with what Lucy and Barki said..specially the part about you being an awesome mom! The rocking chair..in mom's arms ..safe from the troubles of the day..hmmm sometimes it would be nice to be in that spot myself. There's no greater protection from this crazy world..than mom's tender arms.

[mrsred]

Jenny, I know there is never any real excuse for hitting, there is always an alternate solution, but have you, by chance, asked him why he hit this kid?
Many years ago, when my now 7th grader was in kindergarten I got a call saying he had spit on another child! I was so shocked, because he really had never done anything remotely like this. When I spoke to him about it I found out that the kid had been repeatedly kicking J as they were sitting at their table. J had asked him to stop, had "told on him" to both the teacher and the teacher's assistant, but was still getting kicked. He knew better than to hit.....
Anyway, find out the why of it... maybe he needs more coaching about how to deal with his problems with peers.

[ajjhmf]

I did ask him why. His answer was pretty weird. His answer was that J said "Hi" to the kid in the hall and the kid didn't say anything back.

[its_a_small_world]

I'm pretty new posting here, but have been reading these boards for quite some time.

So sorry you are going through this right now. Here's another point of view. Is J being picked on by any of his peers? Are they trying to get him into trouble?

I ask this because last year my son B (who is the same age as J is) was having a hard time in school. He was being picked on by kids and B let it be known that it hurt him. It got to the point where one of the kids who was picking on him goaded him into hitting him at recess. Saying that he wasn't strong enough or didn't have the guts. Well, B had enough and punched this kid in the stomach. He of course denied even doing it (he loves to lie) even though the teachers saw it. He and the other boy got sent to the Principal's office. They were both talked to by the Principal and their teachers and had their recess taken away for the week. Reason being is that the teachers knew that these kids picked on B and B finally had enough. I was steaming mad at B, but DH made me see that B was sticking up for himself, even though he should have gone to the teachers. That was the last time he got picked on last year though. The 2 kids became aquaintances and put up with each other now. Maybe J is going through that right now? Just a thought.

[ajjhmf]

Well, I talked to the prinicipal at length this morning and we have a face-to-face meeting tomorrow morning with the school counselor as well.

A couple fo things I found out about the incidenta are:

- J's PTSD was trigger when he was in the bathroom, prior to hitting this kid. A SN kindergartener crawled into J's stall and this freaked J out. He did handle this okay as he called for help since the teacher was right outside the bathroom.

- it was after this that J ran into the boy he hit. J said 'hi' to him and didn't understand why the boy didn't say anything back since they were both cub scouts.

He believed this kid would be nice to him and that made him get mad. He is picked on at school and combined with that anger, the kid ignoring his hello and the PTSD, he let go and punched him. Not excusable, but atleast now I can understand his thought process.

The principal doesn't feel that at this time she wants to punish J, and I'm very okay with that, but would rather we meet tomorrow with the school counselor to figure out a plan for J's social woes. J told the principal about how the kids treat him and how he has no friends and everything. This made her both sad and mad for him and is not even more determined to help J.

Another positive is that I mentioned possibly giving J a fresh start with a new teacher. Mrs. M (the teacher I had past problems with) is J's math teacher and in her class J is doing very well. She's won awards for how she handles LD kids in her classroom and J said that aside from his intervention, math with Mrs. M is the best part of his day. I think that maybe giving him this fresh start may be a good thing. The principal said she thinks it is certainly a possibility and we could talk more about it at tomorrows meeting.

I'll post more tomorrow after we meet.

[ajjhmf]

Well, the meeting went well. We will be moving J to a new classroom and our principal will be checking in on him weekly to see how he is doing.

Basically, the consensus is that J is being bullied and is lashing out. The new teacher does much better with special needs kids and helping the other kids in the class to be more tolerant and understanding. We all think this would be a good fresh start for J.

Baby steps, but each one is helping J. I'll post more later when I process more.

[jessnboys]

I'm so sorry Jenny. M still needs rocking, especially this time of year. *big hugs*