[marykath]

This post is not about my special-needs child, but it does relate in a way.
My oldest child (adopted, exposed to drugs in-utero, doing well in school so far) is in first grade at a school four blocks from our house. I was never in favor of sending her to this school...she is one of just a few children of color there; the school has very high test scores and the teachers we have had have very rigid academic and behavior standards; her teacher this year is just horrible; she has mountains of homework each night (17 pages of math last week, to be spread over four days - and that was just the math!).
I know our youngest (she's 4 now, with sensory issues and adhd) will not fare well in this school when it comes time for kindergarten.
We have looked at private schools and charter schools. There's a spot open at a charter I like. If we want it, we would have to transfer her mid-year.
The problem is DH doesn't want to switch schools. His reasoning: Our daughter is happy, at the top of her class, and has friends.
The new school? A much kinder, gentler feel. Kids from all over the county go there, so it is very ethnically and economically diverse. Teachers seem loving and understanding, not harsh. More hand-on activities (not just seat work). PTA meetings are at night (our current school has them at the convenient time of 2:45 p.m.).
I know this is a long post, but it is really weighing on my mind and we need to decide soon. What would you do?

[Indy]

Go with your heart and what is best for your child.

[shy_bear]

Am I not understanding, you would also move your oldest child? Why?

[waited2long]

I think I tend to agree with your DH. If the older child is happy and doing well, don't move her. That doesn't mean you can't send the younger child to the school you feel is better for her. Siblings don't have to attend the same school.

[atouchofheaven]

17 pages of homework?!?! sorry, can't get past that part. for me, schooling always hits home because i hated my school and wish i could've gone to a charter or magnet school. so if it were me, i'd pull my kid out mid-year. but that's just me and i don't know your daughter. i guess you have to think about how she will take it. good luck. that's a hard decision.

[trixila]

When it pertains to my children, it is not what I want, it is what is best for the kid. Hearatbreaking to pull my son from a school that I adored for many reasons and place in a brand new school. I still cry--but only for me. He is thriving.

[momraine]

I would talk to your daughter about it. It is very hard to move in the middle of the school year and have to make new friends, learn new rules and schedules etc. Sometimes even a move to a better school can be traumatizing. Talk to your daughter and kind of feel her out about it.

[momraine]

Another question to ask. If you move your older one is there a garantee that there will be a spot for your younger child, since that is the child who is more in need of a different school? It would be even harder to move your oldest and then either have to move her again to be with her sister or have them in two schools with the younger one being a the school that is not best for her.

[qs mom]

Ok, she may be happy at the school she is at, but that may be because she doesn't know any better. My son was happy in the orphanage and grieved like heck having to leave it.

Take my advice with a grain of salt, as I beleive more in being a kid than in academics. I think that for 1st grade the homework is excessive. 4-5 pages of homework per night in 1 subject is outrageous. My son is in 3rd grade and only gets a few pages of homework 3 days a week. And he needs to study spelling words and various other subjects throughout the week. He is also to read 15 minutes each night. Our district is HUGE on reading.

I would feel out my child regarding a move. But, remember, she won't be moving for a few months, so don't get her to pumped up about changing schools if that is what you decide.

[LeighM]

I have learned through the years that my dh doesn't want to deal with change for our kids. I try and respect his opinions but every time I do - it kicks us in the tush. I know I sound harsh in what I am saying but I know my kids better than he does. As mom we do most of the caring, dealing with school, daycare issues and Dr appointment. If your gut says to move her - I would do it. It is so important for a child to enjoy learning and the school you talked about could set her up to hate it.

One more thing - I like charter schools but I would be very careful about putting your child in any type of religious base schools. I actually find them to be more judgemental, more nosey and have less experience in dealing with children outside the norm.

[greenrobin]

I teach math. I don't give that much homework to 7th graders!

This is a dilemma. I'd also be concerned with the availability of space for the younger child, since she's the one who may need it. My sons needed a smaller learning environment, so they went with me. My daughters liked the stimulation of the larger district, so they went with dad to his school. We had kids graduating from 2 rival high schools, but it worked for us.

And that's the point.

Your daughter may be doing just fine in first grade. My question is what will it all look like in a few years? If the pressure to achieve academically is this tough now, what about 4th or 7th or 12th? You might pop in for a visit to other grade levels to see what their teaching looks like. You may just have a really odd bunch down at first grade. Likewise, I'd look at the success rates of the charter. Most aren't as good as the public schools. I'd also want to know about the teachers' certifications just to be sure a highly qualified person was working with my child.

But really, I'd move my own kid in a heartbeat if I thought it would be best. I, too, believe in hands-on, child-centered learning. And life outside of school work.

In reality, the year is nearly half over. Would there be the possibility of moving both girls over there in the fall? Some places will let you reserve a spot.

[kxl164]

I'm very interested in what you decide, so please keep us posted.

We are in a similair situation, our school isn't rigid when it comes to teachers, they are very caring and understanding, but we do get a lot of homework (not as much as you but close) and the standards are pretty high.

Our oldest biodaughter, with no issues, can struggle at times, but we have great communication with the teacher and the administration and she is doing well.

Our adopted son, who is mildly delayed, is supposed to go to this school for K next year. There is no way he can keep up with their cirruiculum, we already know that, so we are looking at different options for him.

One is to send him to a private school, one which looks great, but is expensive so a definite drawback, and being singled out as the 1 of our 4 children going to a different school.... I don't know how that would work for this child, his same-aged sister fine, but him, I have concerns. The other would be to keep him in a private pre-K program and then send him to the local school the following year, which is fine in theory (and we could afford it) but that will put him in the same year as his little brother (also adopted but not delayed) and if we do that we lose some of the services he is already getting. Or we may push to send him to a different county school with more services targeted at his needs, the county does not like to do this and I don't know if it will be worth it if he would eventually have to repeat anyway.

So I am very interested in what you decide and why.

I believe in going with your gut, but you have to do what is right for the entire family. I don't know if I would pull a child out of a school she was doing fine in, any transition is hard, so changing at the next school year would be a much better option in my opinion, but this is your family and only you would know best.

Good Luck!

[momraine]

In our school district it's widely known that first grade has more homework than the other grades. I think it's just that there is so much more stuff they are trying to teach, I don't know, but I hated it when each of my kids were in it. Even my high schooler didn't seem to have so much homework, of course we don't have to help him so he probably does have more, but I don't see it all. I would talk to other parents who have kids in other grades. I would also try to talk to parents of kids in the charter school. I know we at one point looked at putting our kids in one and when we took the tour it sounded wonderful. However, many of the things they were working on like computers and keyboards and a new building, were not there yet and we decided to wait. We left that area four years later and the entire school was still housed in one windowless building (that was supposed to be their future gym) and people we knew were pulling thier kids out and finding thier kids were behind. The people who started it had some wonderful, grand ideas, but in reality they just didn't work.