[lucyjoy]

Got a call from my very depressed 20 year old. He has bi-polar and does not take meds. He says the meds make him feel like a zombie. He's been unable to hold a job for more then a month or two and has a long history with mostly the traffic court but a couple misdemeaner shoplifting charges.

He is drinking again and he tells me today he thinks he is an alcoholic. This is not news to me as we had him in alcohol treatment at 14.

He says life is hard everyday and it's always a struggle-it is, mostly cause he makes poor choices.

I talked to him a bit about change and about life and about doing something different. I asked him what he wanted life to look like.

He said he wished he could turn the clock back to age 16 and not move out.

We talked a bit about how life would be if he lived here. I reminded him that my helping him change would feel like control to him(he agreed) and that he couldn't stay here and not change what he's doing.

I'm not sure how to help him but I am concerned that he is becoming more and more suicidal on the depressive bouts of his bi-polar. He's attempted once previously. He currently has no insurance, no job, and 3 outstanding court issues that I'm aware of.

He's bright and smart and sweet and doesn't have an ounce of common sense when he's not on his meds. I hate seeing him like this and I have no idea how to help him get out of this cycle of craziness he's created for himself.

Any ideas?

[crick]

I think you did help him...you are there for him and he called YOU to talk to. All the reasons why you can't help him if he doesn't take his meds are the same, but you are there for him to offer support, love and guidance.

If you do think he's suicidal though, are there hotlines to call etc. for that? Any outpatient programs he could qualify for?

HUGS

[waited2long]

I have no advice for you, just wanted to add my hugs...

[lovemy6]

(((((hugs)))))))

We're going through the same thing with my 21 year old. The scary difference is that she has our 2 year old gdd with her. They're in a very bad situation, but she won't listen to me. Actually she won't even talk to me and has "divorced" us.

It's so hard being mom to kids who aren't safe

[greenrobin]

my own 20 yr old son wiht bipolar is currently kind of homeless by choice. He broke up with his fiancee, stayed here a few days and decided that taking his meds was too much to be expected to do. He's letting himself into both our house and hers when we're not home, sleeping and catching a shower. It breaks my heart, but he has no desire to take his meds or to change.

We do what we can. We love them. We remind them what they need to do, and then we have no choice but to let them decide for themselves.

I keep telling my dh that it doesn't matter how old he gets, he's never going to get normal. N doesn't get it either.

My heart is with you and your son. I understand.

[MomwithFive]

That's hard

[momraine]

I am so sorry. I have no answers for you, but hugs.

[ajjhmf]

I feel the same as momraine. I wish I had some sage advice to give, but all I can offer is my hugs and prayers for you and M.

[athikers]

I guess its nice to know you're not alone as many pp have let you know. It has got to be so hard, I'm sorry!

[SAHmom]

lucy, that's tough. I, too, have no advice and can only offer hugs!

[mrsred]

Lucy, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It seems that if his meds are making him feel "like a zombie", that either the med or the dosage isn't right. I get that without insurance he feels he can't keep going in to the doctor to get it right. Could you offer to either help him to pay, or pay entirely for him to get his meds straightened out? Then maybe even continue to pay for his prescriptions? BP without meds is very scary, as it can be so dangerous on either swing of the pendulum: either so depressed they are suicidal, or so manic they think they are indestructible.

[lucyjoy]

I can't afford the meds-they're $985 a month.

I hate seeing him this way but I don't know what to do to help, either.

[qs mom]

I have become friends with a woman at my Church. She has intoduced me to a great support group through our local Mental Health association. It is a peer group for teens and young adults and then a support group for the parents meet at the same time.

Her son is bi-polar. She has just heard from him after not hearing from him for years. He's off meds. Homeless. Manic.

Her 14 year old daughter is bi-polar. Just got out of the hospital for the 2nd time. They're having a difficult time getting the right med combo for her.

Her mother is bi-polar. Found the right meds 7 years ago.

She is bi-polar. She was in RTC as a teen. SHe thanks her mother for that. She has told her mother she knows it was the only thing her mother could do and it was the best thing for her.

She has also been hospitalized twice. She told me that with all the experience she had with bi-polar, as recently as last year, she thought she could get through without meds. Until she had a breakdown and was hospitalized for 3 months.

What I have learned from her - there is nothing you can do. You can support your child. Set your boundaries, follow them. Even in mania she knew the boundaries would not change. Nothing else mattered in her mania. There was no getting through to her in mania or depression. There was a short window of opportunity for things to get through to her between the swings.

So, just do what you're doing. Love him. Support him. Keep encouraging him to keep up the contact.

Could you schedule a weekly 'date' with him? Give him something to look forward to?

[Indy]

I am there with you...as I have a couple (M1 and J2) like that.

M1 just doesn't get it. He has an IQ in the 130's and still hasn't got it. He steals, lies, smokes pot, takes advantage of people and doesn't understand why he is struggling. He popped this one on me last night...his wife is PREGNANT for the 3rd baby. WHERE is the "passing out" smiley?!!

J2 is a user as well. He wants others to support him, even when he has a job! He stays with friends (or family), works and never helps pay the bills. He goes from friend to friend, GF to GF, family member to family member. Then, he says they are not "helping" him out, when they make him move.

They are bio brothers and came to me at 15 and 16. It is sad to watch, as I rarely allow them to come to the house. Their lives are not great and they try to get their younger brothers to follow the paths they are on. Neither were diagnosed with RAD, but they got it.

Lucyjoy - Sorry I don't have any real advice, other than what you gave me...