[Indy]

L has moved back in as we try to get his assisted living program started. He is 19 years old and developmentally disabled. He has a history of poor anger management and sexual acting out with both sexes. In the past, I have monitored (controlled) his interactions with all of the boys and been very strict.

L has been attaching himself to V, as V is sneaky and so is L. In the past, V used M2 as a crutch to make himself feel better. V is one of the reasons I moved M2 to live with a caretaker. I see this happening again with L.

I have set the following rules for L. He is not allowed to "play" with V. He is not allowed to be alone with him, watch movies, or go to the park with him. They are not allowed to play video games together, unless another brother is there.

Am I being to controlling? L HATES me for these rules. V really doesn't care, as he has lots of other friends. He uses L to make himself to look better and that's it.

Any outside thoughts from people looking in from the outside?

[momraine]

I think you know the boys best and you are trying to protect them. You know what is best. Trust your instinct and your experience.

[Barksum]

I'm not clear about what safety issues you are working on with V and L. You say they're sneaky and I understand that you have reasons, but I don't understand what you are working to avoid. Can you give more info?

[jbee]

why wouldn't you do this? you know your kids and are doing what you think will keep them out of trouble. seems fine to me.

[mrsred]

Better to have L "hate" for restricting his freedom than V "hate" you for not protecting him. It's not always easy, it doesn't make us popular, but we have to do what we have to do.

[AmyAnne]

Your first priority is to keep V (the son who is a minor) safe. Do what you have to do.

[Indy]

Actually, I think I am protecting them from each other.

L (19) is so naive and will do anything to get acceptance, even illegal things. I caught him on Sunday. He had given in to V's request that he go buy him some cigars. I was very angry, as the two of them are not to even be alone together.

I am protecting V (16) from L as well. L loves to wrestle. However, his hands usually wind up where they are not supposed to be on someone else's body. There is a long standing rule that he can only wrestle with C, as C doesn't fall for the "accidental" touching. He will beat the "crap" out L, if he does that. L tries to start things with V in an effort to wrestle.

My hope and prayer is to get L into a semi-independent living program QUICKLY.

V may be living separately soon, as he cannot seem to give up smoking pot. Sadly, if he gets caught again...he is juvenile center bound! I random test him every 8-10 days. I know....mean dad! Either "pee" for me or "pee" for the police.

Why does this have to be so hard?

[mrsred]

Why does this have to be so hard?

That is a very good question. One I ask myself frequently.

[lucyjoy]

Makes you feel like a prison guard instead of a parent, huh? Hope you can find a place for L.

[Barksum]

Sorry to be so dim, Indy. Thanks for the clarification.

Sounds reasonable given the circumstances. Perhaps given L's actual age vs. chronological age and his lack of discernment he needs to be kept closer to you until he can get into the independent program.

Hm. V sounds like he needs Dad's Boot Camp.

You are pretty up on things and make good calls concerning you sons' needs and abilities. Don't let them psych you out.

[ajjhmf]

I think you have the right idea Indy.

It may seem harsh to the outside world, but they don't live our lives or raise our kids.