[suburbanmomgw]

Hey all. I haven't posted or even lurked for a long time... but you all know how that can be!

So here's the situation--
How do you handle when a younger child (my nefew) is smarter/more advanced than your older special needs kid (my youngest son)?
I know all kids are different. It's not that I don't know how to encourage my son... But what do you say to the parent of the other kid? I am happy he's doing well, but want to keep it from making my son feel bad for not being at the same or higher level.

thoughts?

[SAHmom]

My 7 year old son is more advanced than my 6 year old son and my 7 year old daughter is more advanced than my 10 year old son. With that being said, I haven't really noticed it being an issue in our family. My children that are more advanced than their siblings help out each other.

Has your nephew or his parents said something to your son that nephew is advanced?

[qs mom]

My nieces are a year apart and are sisters.

My older nieces is very, very bright. She went to private high school on a full scholarship and is going to a very nice college on a full scholarship.

Her sister, my younger niece, is average in most every way. Average intelligence, average height, average weight, but very cute and a heck of a hard worker.

So, when they were little, they would get frustrated with each other. "I'm just not a smart as her" "Why can't I do cartwheels are good as her"

When Christina was upset because Sara is "so much smarter" than her, I told her that it wasn't true. She just knew different stuff. Sara was smarter in school. But she didn't know how to carry the ball down the court and stuff it. Chris does. Sara didnt' even know what that meant. Chris does.

So, if it becomes an issue, let them know that they just know different stuff.

I do this with my son too. Sometimes, he'll tell me that someone in school is smarter than him. No, he just knows different stuff. Q knows Bulgarian - does his classmate? No. Q knows how to tap dance - does his classmate? No. I just keep coming up with stuff that he does that some other kid may not know.

[aspenhall]

My daughter is gifted, and when she starts to get bragging, I do the same thing...I point out that different people know different stuff and it'd great that what she wasn't good at before, she is now good at because she worked hard and practiced.

[suburbanmomgw]

thanks all. I know I can encourage my son and build on his strengths...my older 2 kids are very understanding about everyone having different strengths. I just want to make sure that bragging about accomplishments isn't discouraging. I want to talk to my brother about how to handle this. Any advice on what to say to him? "Please don't share about T's accomplishments in front of A." ?

[melissa_bear003]

[quote=suburbanmomgwI want to talk to my brother about how to handle this. Any advice on what to say to him? "Please don't share about T's accomplishments in front of A." ?[/quote]
I'm not sure that's a fair request. Sharing about kids accomplishments is what parents do...be it a child's first step, making a team, dressing themselves for the first time. Every parent is proud of their child, and wants to share with the people who love them, and of course as T's aunt, you're most definately included in that.

Has A said anything about being uncomfortable, or are you trying to head things off before that?

[lyssie]

I think you can do what is already suggested -- making sure your son has something he is good at and by doing so, celebrate the diversity of people.

[chickymum]

My son is in 8th grade and has two cousins the same age. They have all been in the same class together since Kindergarten. The two cousins have always been A+ students. My son has always been C+ or B student. The coolest thing has happened though! My son has had to learn how to work HARD. It is now paying off. The work is becoming more difficult and he knows how to handle it. He understands how some studying pays off, his brain has learnt how to focus and absorb information and he is now becoming an A student also.
Sometimes struggling to get what others can get so easily can be a blessing. (Oh yeah, my son can ride a dirtbike better than his cousins ever will be able to)

[momraine]

One thing my oldest is finding, he always got good grades without trying, now that he is in high school with harder classes, he realizes, he has no idea how to study! So kids who previously had to study are pulling ahead of him.